It has been made clear to me by 2 people that I don't belong here. please delete my account.

And please pray for me. I will never be reaching out again, I have nothing left, no strength, I am forever lost.

Goodbye.  :'(

Thank you to the people who have said such kind and encouraging things to me, it is greatly appreciated.

if you look at the home page of this site it says clearly that everyone is welcome not only Jews. If you want to leave then do so but that's your choice nobody here has the right to chase you away (not that I saw anyone doing that).

Noahide wrote on 12 Jul 2010 17:38:


Hi Noahide,

I have to admit I was a little envious of all the attention you were receiving, but in my past experience with AA, the new guy always got all the attention until someone with more urgent needs came along. I know It's tough to always say the right things, sometimes I come across a little harsh, but my intentions were always for the good. There is some awesome Torah based knowledge to found here and I think if would  be a big mistake to try to make this journey on your own.

                                                                                    Hang in there,
                                                                                          Benny

I did not read the rules before I joined. Not that it would have mattered, I would have still joined the same way, but, after speaking with a member here, I know he is right, I can only recover if i am completely honest, not only with myself, but with you, I have lied about 1 thing. It is the only thing I have ever lied to anyone here about, and that is my gender, I am not a man, I am a girl.

I have deep scars, I am incapable of trusting women because of abuse that happened to me as a child, I am very much like a boy, and I only trust males, in fact i very much feel like one.

I feared that if i went to the womens side, I would not be able to talk to anyone, out of fear, I was hurt really bad as a kid and honestly I have never had a girl for a friend, never been able to trust them, and I was scared I wouldnt be able to recover from this addiction because i wouldnt be able to even talk to any of them,

I know this might not make sense to anyone, I did the best i could explaining it.

I am sorry I lied to you, I needed to tell you all the truth.

Thank you Yiddle2, for encouraging me and for helping me, and giving me the strength to be honest and tell this secret that was so scary to tell.

I am sorry for everything, please pray for me.

even through everything, i still have the same yetzer hara as everyone else here, only, with a little extra pain and burden from my childhood.
:'(

Noahide,

I am honestly not that suprised that not everything is at appears to be.  I have been following your posts and have noticed that they did not seem like the regular addict posts.  However, you can be helped.  Have you ever reached out for psychiatirc help.  Many addicts (if you are one) have concurrent undiagnosed psychiatiric issues that when get addressed make recovery much easier.  The other thing I would suggest is a live SA meeting.  They are open to both men and women (and yes if you are frum there a frum women in SA as well) and perhaps you would be more comfortable there.

Good Luck

Jooboy wrote on 12 Jul 2010 19:05:


Ok, in this post you question the fact that I am an addict. you say my posts are not like "regular addict ones" LOL whats the definition of a "regular addict post"  I mean seriously, come on.

and you go on to imply that I need psychiatric help.

people like you who post things like this are the reason I hide my identity in the first place, thank you, i wont ever post here again or anywhere else for that matter, goodbye.

well in that case you don't belong here, but there are somr pretty trustworty and friendly people on the women's side who will be happy to welcpme you

Noahide,

To lead with my weakness I have myself also pretended to be someone I wasn't on an internet forum.  In the past I posed on at least two ocassions as a woman to be able to indulge my lust on a woman's only forum (not on gye).  We have all done shameful and embarrassing things (that's why we're here).

When someone is dishonest about who they are everything comes into question.  I don't claim to have best written communication skills and I'm sorry if I came across in an accusatory fashion.

I didn't fully explain what I meant by the reference to a psychiatrist.  It was not meant as an insult.  I noticed your posts were not of the average sort from people looking for a solution to their problem.  You appeared to be only interested in stating that you had a problem but did not give any details as to what it was about or ask for help on how to deal with it.  Your posts were quite worrisome.  They seemed to indicate a mindset that was so despondent that it would not surprise me if the writer was suicidal (and yes, I have been in that place many times).  This is not a criticism, I wish I would have had the courage to get help many years ago - my life would have been much easier if I did.

Being a woman I don't believe the men's forum is the place for you but I hope the lesson learned is not that you need to hide your identity.  We all need help in being who we really are and NOT hiding who we are, most of us have spent many years doing that.  That is why I suggested a live SA meeting.  You can show up and be exactly who you are and you WILL be accepted.  I promise!

Take care and may GOD help you reach a healthy place of peace

(I see that Jooboy already posted his clarification, but since I just spent 20 minutes typing this, I'll post it anyway:)

Noahide,

I'll pray for you. It's obvious from your postings that you are going through hell on earth, and the pain is enormous.

I sometimes misinterpret other people's comments to me if I'm feeling down. This may be happening to you. When I read Jooboy's comments to you, I didn't think he was being offensive, just that he didn't express himself as good as he might have. I interpreted his comments as:

1) He thought your postings were different, but he didn't know why. Now that he knows that you're female, it makes sense because men and women usually have a different way of expressing themselves.

2) He suggested psychiatric help. I can understand why you may be offended by that. I would also be offended if someone said that to me. But from the other side of the coin, half of society is taking anti-anxiety drugs, anti-depressant drugs, or some other drugs to change their moods. So a visit to a psychiatrist is a pretty common thing nowadays, I don't think he meant at all to imply anything negative.

But I won't try to convince you to stay here because this forum has a strict rule separating men and women, for understandable reasons. Check out the old thread called "Mechitza" for some history of that. But I sincerely hope you do find another forum which will be good for you.

May G-d give all of us the inner strength to overcome all of our challenges !

I must admit I rarely read the mens side any more - were having way too much fun on the girls side. 
But I guess Hashem knew I should be reading this, so for some 'unknown' reason, I decided to pop in and see this thread.

Noahide, as I just said, I do not know your whole story and am only going with what is written here.
I beg you to give the womens side a try. Unfortunately, your story and pain, while expressly yours, is not unique. Abuse (of all kinds), depression, heartbreak and pain is all  too familiar over the wall on our side. For good or bad, you will fit right in (good meaning you DO have a safe place. Bad meaning I wish these stories didnt exist) Having said that; just know that we have soooo much fun and the 'sisters' are the wackiest, most lovable bunch of ice cream and sushi lovers out there! ;D Our goal is to live life despite the very real pain, and along the way, we deal with addiction.

My suggestion to you, is to re-register as a female. You will be asked to verify that you are a woman(sorry guys; not sharing the 'how' secret here ). Then simply watch from the sidelines until you feel comfortable enough to join in the conversations. You may surprise yourself at how quickly that happens.

[Unfortunately, Guard - the administrator here - is away fundraising, so theres a chance that it may take a week or 2 till you can be popped over the 'wall'. Let me know when you do it and I will try rush it through]

In the meantime, I just want to tell you one of the most basic principles in Judiasm. We do not believe in "too late". As long as there is life, there is hope. Hashem loves us unconditionally, no matter how far we have fallen. And He will NEVER reject honest, sincere repentance. (Yes; even if we fall again afterward!)

I would like to suggest a short exercise (yes guys; you can eavesdrop and do it too!)
Look in the mirror.
Look yourself in the eyes and say:
"I AM SOMEONE SPECIAL BECAUSE G-D DOESNT MAKE JUNK.
HE MADE ME AND HE LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY."

Start saying that 5 times a day, and slowly move up in number till it becomes a subconscious mantra!
Because IT IS TRUE!

Feel free to PM me, or email: yipols@yahoo.com

Looking forward to greeting you on the 'other side'
7up

Hello Rebbetzin!

Our dear Mod of the Women's forum speaks the truth. Alas, every nightmare on earth has been visited on those girls. In today's society, nothing at all is shocking; certainly not to those sisters. But in SA land, it's not a good idea for us guys to try to help. But 7up is your address.

ps: as far as psy help, it's standard fare. We've all been there. I mean, why live with the toothache if it can be dealt with?
pss: thank you so much for your honesty , and we wish you all the best!

I have been following this thread over the last day with some horror.

I am one of the people that had posted on Noahide's original thread quite a few times. I found Noahide to be a very genuine, albeit troubled and heartbroken individual. I really felt for Noahide and was hopeful that GYE would be a great help.

I have read through some of the recent posts in great disappointment. I have only experienced kind and friendly people here - we are all suffering enough not to have to put up with abuse of any kind, certainly not here. I regret that some people have been hurtful, bordering on abusive towards Noahide and if she is reading this, I want to assure her than not everyone holds the same view.

I do NOT feel cheated from the fact that she chose to hide her gender. Having read through her reasons behind it, I totally understand. I am not saying that I approve or would do the same thing, but I do understand her. I agree with 7UP that she will find the help and support she needs on the women's side. I will pray for her that H" guides her on the right path and helps her to get some peace.

I would urge all members to consider the consequences of their words very carefully before posting - especially during the 9 days.

Kol tuv,

Haleivi

To be honest, reading through the posts here, I think that objectively, nothing cruel was meant, although may have been better worded to ensure clear understanding without needless pain. But thats been rectified already.

What I think we should all learn; is that when dealing with anyone, especially pain-filled and battered neshamas we can never be too careful how things are said.  Wounded souls are extra sensitive and need be treated with extra care.

On the other hand, those who are hurting must realize that because they are submersed in their pain, they may have a tendency to over react and take things to heart too quickly. Understanding this can help avoid needless pain.

The bottom line is that we really do care. And as much as we are here for our personal healing, caring for a brother or sister is part and parcel of our own journey. "Areivim kol Yisrael"

May HKBH see fit to heal all suffering very soon, and bring the geulah k'heref eiyin" (bring the true redemption in the blink of an eye)

I admit to not reading through this entire thread. However, one thing I've found here is that yes, I've occasionally been hurt. Yes, I've even felt like i wanted to leave, although my reasons were a response based on my own issues.

However, at the end of the day, This site, and the people here, have helped me tremendously. They've been open and accepting. And perhaps, being able to get to know the women here might be part of your healing process. A chance for you to get close to woman and see that they can be trusted.