i am 15 years old and have been struggling with my yetzar hara for almost 2 years now. i go to a yeshivah in new york on long island. the rabbaim in my yeshivah are big talmudai chachamim but the talmidim come from modern families. my problem first started when i recieved an ipod touch as a chanakah present from my family. my parents did not and still do not relize what is accesable through the ipod esspecially when i have wifi in my house. my problem draws me farther an farther away from hakadosh baruchhu which causes me. sadnes which soon turns into frustration which soon turns into anger. i need to stop i must stop now  i can not push off my problem any longer. buruch hashem i have relized how serious this probl;em is before i get married and hopefully i am able to get rid of my problem before i am married. i learned of this website from my yeshivahs mashgiach. this is my first day on my 90 day journey .

Hey,

I'm really glad that you found the site. It's great that you are working on this at such a young age. This is a struggle that we all have and I'm sure that you'll be able to learn a lot from everyone here but you may want to focus on people that are your age because I find that each age group has their own struggles. I found several people my age on this site and I monitor their posts more closely because I feel that i'm on the same page as they are and I have an easier time relating to their struggles. The site can be a bit overwhelming at first but I'm sure you'll get the hang of it quickly. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to PM me.


You may want to read Chazak Amenu's thread. He is not active on the site anymore but he is your age and you may be able to learn a lot from it.

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=1870.0

Shlomo is an active member (he is a bit older than you) and you may want to check his thread as well.

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=1483.0

Best of luck!

Installed. 

Welcome Ahron!

My dear friend! I wish I had your self awareness when I was your age. 20 years on and it has only it me now. The good news is that hopefully your addiction has nopt had sufficient time to become chronic. I am so proud of you, you fine Yiddishe Bochur, that you recognise you have a problem and want to do something about it NOW.

I would suggest that you give your Ipod Touch away for starters. Having it there in your pocket is too much for anyone to take. It's too accessible, too easy. Take a day at a time and you will surely beat this. Use GYE to the max, read posts, post lots yourself, get a buddy, preferably close to your age and take chizuk from knowing that you are not alone.

Drop by and say hi anytime!

Kol Tuv

Haleivi

Reb Ahron, welcome!!

It's very good that you are identifying that there is a clear issue with the behavior. That alone is a wonderful place to be. It is also very good that you have the opportunity to deal with this now, in your youth. If you think you have been robbed and sapped of your desires/ impetus for kedusha, rest assured that you'll be restored. G-d will renew you with life and vitality for everything that is good. If He does it for older folks, He will certainly do it for you. And you have the added blessing of having more of your life ahead of you, to live and cherish and dedicate to HKB"H. You can do it.

These bad behaviors are easy to get into. It can happen to anyone. The important thing is to fix the way we make choices and judge. With time and perseverance, you'll be better. Much better.

There are so many options on how to tackle these things. Find what works for you. Just be serious and dedicated. And don't sway from the good road, even if it doesn't seem to make sense or you feel you eventually become "alright". Refine your middos, make it a daily practice. Concentrate in those areas we fail. Find ways to elevate your approach. Soon, it will be second nature. You will progress and you'll certainly feel and know that G-d is with you, restoring you. It's all worth it. Take it little by little, but take it!

Many of us here, myself included, have paid incredible prices for our errors. But rest assured, however great the price paid, G-d's storehouse of mercy and compassion is far, far greater. It is infinite. Our suffering simply doesn't compare to Hashem's ability and desire to renew us completely. He's done it (and continues to do it) for me. He will do it for you.

Again, glad you made it to the realization that you need to get this monkey off your back. There are great handbooks lying around here. Search them out. I particularly liked the one on "attitude". You might like it, too.

Hatzlocha rabbah!! Keep your head up. You're going to make it.

ahron wrote on 07 Jul 2010 06:05:



guard did you read that??

his mashgiach gave him the website

gevaldiggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!

aharon

keep on trucking

(chuck the ipod  ,yes i know its mesiras nefesh mamaesh)

b

hey Aaron,

We didn't hear from you in a while. Hope you are doing well.

Good shabbos,

Aaron, please come back.  I am probably older than your Zeidi.  That's right.  And I'm here.  Just like you and all the guys.  We're all exactly the same to "H.  We all struggle.  But your struggle is not because you are weak or bad or not ok in any way.  Your struggle is because "H has given you a struggle.  Gahm zu Ltoivah!

Doing T'shuvah goes deep at any age.  You at 15 and me at 63.  We cry out, we thrash around, we try to hide, we feel terrible shame.  But the guys here will keep coming.  And they will tell you stories about themselves.  And you will learn that all the thrashing and gnashing and shame is called "living in the problem".  And yes, many of us find ourselves slipping and falling.  And the temptation to then go live in the problem, and let the yh have its way with us (because we "DESERVE" to be punished it tells us) is a very strong temptation.

But then there's living in the solution.  We turn to "H.  We have our little cry.  We ask for help.  We promise (bli neder) to try harder and do better.  And then we pick up the siddur and daven shacharis!  We start living in the solution, again.  We get on line to GYE and post, help out others, feel the caring and support that's here for us.  We read chizuk emails, or various threads in different forums.  Doesn't matter.  You'll see you're in good hands here.  Your Mashgiach would never put you at risk. 

Please come back and stay in touch.

Dear Aharon,

I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community! You are fortunate to be working at this at a young age. Make sure to read the handbooks (links below).

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

One of our goals on GYE is to help people "hit bottom while still on top" so they will take recovery seriously. To explain better what I mean, please see this page. If you're here, it means you're already taking serious steps in recovery, so keep up the good work!

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. The lay down the cornerstone of all our work at GuardYourEyes. Before the GYE handbook people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, someone with a low level addiction wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences", putting in filters etc... For the first time ever, this handbook details all the techniques and tools dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now, anyone can read it through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook to the next tools, as the suggestions become progressively more "addiction-oriented".

We suggest printing out the handbooks and reading it them at least once. Then, we suggest going back and reading them again slowly on the computer, and this time pressing on the many links that are found in the different articles.

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

ahron wrote on 07 Jul 2010 06:05:


Wow! This is a tremenously deep insight into the power of tumah to drag us to depression mamash!!! I certainly can relate to this.  Aahon,hatzloch raboh on your journey. U really sound like a very sincere ben aliyah. Hashem helps those who make efforts to improve. May u be zoche to a Good Shabbos and Chodesh Tov and a life filled with growth in Torah and Yiras Shamayim.
Yasher Koach to your mashgiach who told u about this chevra. Did he mention in a general way to the yeshiva or privately to u because u confided in him about your issues? 

Baruch Hashem,bli eyan harah, today is my first day after a series of falls

for what ever it is worth my experience in recovery has been azay:
when i am slipping i lose control and have no cheshek to reach out - not even to ask Hashem for help like a tefilah kitzarh Ana Hashem Hosheyah Noh. that's because i become so overwhelmed with the desires the koach ha tumah takes over and shleps me.The  adrenaline rush of acting out is very intense and i become very stubborn. this is called powerlessness! The yesod of recovery is to realize that we are in deed powerless/out of control/ have a disease and we must reach out to Hashem and His shalichim for help!  The way i see it is we must work on preventing the sha'as hanisayon-identifying and avoiding triggers,like unstructured time,lonliness,boredom,anger ect.

What  have i learned from my most recent tekufah of back to back falls during the past approx 16 days? One thing is the day count for me is a set up. b/c if i chas V'Shalom fall on one thing say m* then i am morei heter to go all the way with p* and since i am in a "fall" then i can act out some more. Ad k'dei kach that i even picked up to phone to call a s* line because i had such a strong cheshek for the tumah!!! (Baruch Hashem, bli eyan haroh i have been spared the nisayon of doing anything live)
The teretz is i have to start fresh and keep clean every step of the way,doing the next right thing one minute at a time.
Re: reaching out for help b'sha'as ha nissayon.... there may be guys from the cherva who have solid recovery and can help out in a moment of weakness.. either by phone or txt maybe if u post this request we could get a emergency contact list.