yechida wrote on 08 Jul 2010 19:01:


Thank you yechida

Noah.  So you have come out of "hiding".  Something in you pulls you to be Jewish.  This is not something you are making up in your mind.  That pull is a real thing.  Our sages teach us that there are some people who are "technically" not Jewish because their mothers weren't Jewish (and sometimes with a little genealogical research it actually turns out that HER mother, your maternal grandmother, or great grandmother were indeed Jewish, which changes the complexion of the whole issue as to whether or not your are "technically" Jewish or not.  Your local Orthodox Rabbi can help you with this, and will be overjoyed to do so).  Nevertheless, we are taught that some people that may not be "technically" Jewish, are born with a Jewish Soul, and that is because they are going to, in fact, become "technical" Jews as well, that they actualize one of the purposes of their birth.

So by now you've figured out that we're for real.  That we care about you to the point of tears.  Why?  Because there's not one of us that hasn't been in the place where it feels like we are a disgrace, a disgust to G-d.  And each and every one of us have discovered that we're not alone here.  That the caring and concern goes very deep.  Guys will go to any lengths to help you come closer to Hashem.  Phone numbers, private emails.  Whatever you need within the limits of anonymity. 

AND WE WILL NOT ABANDON YOU.  WE WILL NOT LET YOU FALL.  Just stay in touch, no matter what, and we'll be there.  Here's how I know that.  There are times when I am very lonely.  And I've posted and expected nobody would answer.  Nobody would care.  And when I check (frequently.  Hoping beyond hoping), there are the guys, circling the wagons, building fences around me to protect me from falling.  Every single time.  Some of our brothers just seem to be everywhere, giving strength and support and love.  You've already run into some of them.  Just keep posting.  You are so sincere in your longing.  You will succeed with His help. 

Just let us know how many minutes you succeeded for today.  Never mind yesterday, or tomorrow, or 90 days.  Just the next few minutes is plenty.

Stay in touch.

aaron4 wrote on 08 Jul 2010 16:42:


Dear Holy Brother Aaron4 ,
U R gevaldig! Keep up the Chizuk!

1daat wrote on 08 Jul 2010 22:08:


Thank you 1daat, I needed to read that, I am struggling horribly with some things in life right now, and I feel very very alone, not just with my addiction but other things, I feel like my heart is literally breaking, and I am in great pain. I need prayers, please, and I am so overwhelmed, I am taking a class right now so I can actually have a future, and the dreams I dream, the calling I know comes from Hashem, and I am finding that when a person knows what they calling in life is, and they try to pursue it, the evil one tries just as hard to stop them, i am really gettin hit left and right with crap right now. I have few friends, very few, most are online, not in real life, although we speak on the phone often, I still feel alone.

by the way, I found out my grandfather was from Syria and Lebanon I don't know how he was both, but he was somehow, and he was Jewish at least by blood, I don't know if he was by faith for sure or not.

I know this pull on my heart to learn Judaism is from Hashem, I will continue to follow Him, wherever He leads me, and whatever He leads me through, because no matter how bad I am hurting, He is always with me, that I know now.

Wow, you are all such great people.
Reading this, a picture formed in my head, a glimpse of Heaven.
We were all sitting around a table, feasting, delighting in each other’s company.
Noah, I would be honoured to sit at your table. To sit at any of your tables.

We’re here if you need us.

ToAdd wrote on 09 Jul 2010 10:29:


I need you guys more than you know.

I lashed out at someone,  because i was hurt, and scared, and felt insecure, and alone, I lashed out at them in pain, and hurt them for no reason. I am ashamed, and I want to make up with this person, I'm scared of many things, I dont feel like a mensch, I feel like a looser.

I used P and Mb to kill my pain, about an hour ago. Im sorry. I want to hide my face from everyone, run and hide, like a lost kid. :'(

Hashem forgive me, I am such a wretched soul. I do not deserve any good, I am the worst.

Noahide,

From your posts I can sense the great pain you are in and there are many of us here who would love to help - it helps us also. 

My experience in live SA groups seems to bear out that to relieve much of the pain of our addiction and other life problems it is usually necessary to get very specific with what is bothering us - at some point.  Somehow just saying generalities doesn't usually do the trick.  This doesn't necessarily have to be here on the forum (although I think you will certainly get much support if you do) but you should try to find at least one person that you can share every detail of your pain, sadness, fear, anxiety and yes victories and accomplishments.

It works for me and I hope you can find some relief.

Jooboy wrote on 11 Jul 2010 03:43:


Thank you.

Hi Noach,

I've been lashing out at someone I work with. I found with me that there were several things causing this:
Withdrawal causing irritability.
Lack or imbalance of vitamins.
Low self respect causing me to disrespect others.

I don’t know your situation or your relationship with this person, I can only offer you the advice the “new me” would have given the “old me” a couple of years ago:
Are you eating well? Perhaps try some vitamin supplements.
Distance yourself from that person when you are not in a good mood.
There is so much you have to deal with right now, you don’t want to be adding any extra difficult situations.
Not everyone understands what this is like. From what you say, it seems like you are going through the same things that I did, but even I only have a small idea of what you’re going through.
We tend to see our own faults in others. When there is something bugging us about ourselves, we tend to take it out one someone else that displays a related behaviour. This is a natural reaction, it is how we show ourselves what we think is wrong with us. Here, it would help speaking to someone objective about the problem. This will help you identify the root cause.

It upsets me when you say such bad things about yourself.
Now that you are thinking clearly, you are looking back at a time when you were not in control and judging yourself by that.
I want you to tell yourself, aloud: “I am a good person. I was not in control at that time. I am learning to control these actions and will get better.”

Here’s a great article by Rabbi Noah Weineberg:
www.aish.com/sp/48w/48945181.html
That whole section “48 ways to wisdom” is great. Pick any topic that catches your eye and give it a read.

If you fall, God Forbid, a thousand times, we will be here to pick you up a thousand times.

ToAdd wrote on 12 Jul 2010 07:22:


Thank you :'(

I feel like I can't even talk anymore, theres just so much stuff, so much hurt, so many problems and issues that I am so overwhelmed I don't know where to start, it's just too much, and definitely too much to tell all of you, I don't want to be a pain, I should keep my personal problems and struggles to myself, nobody likes a whiner.

thank you for your kind words, sometimes kind words are the only thing I feel like I have left.