i grew up in a modern orthodox home, and was introduced to shmutz at about 13. i have been an addict since. after high school, i went to learn in yeshiva for 2 years, and while my avodas hashem improved tremendously, my addiction did not improve as rapidly. when i found out about this site, i got so excited. I've wanted to quit for so long, and getting support from others who have the same problem as i do made me feel really good. However, there some downsides. As i hear the inspiring stories from others, my yetzer hara takes the opportunity to tell me that I'm not so bad. My problem isn't as bad as them and they're on a much higher level than I am. In addition, my yetzer hara convinces me: "just one last time, then we'll go to GYE." Also, as I try try extremely hard not to let thoughts that even remind me of shmutz enter my mind, whenever I think about GYE it reminds me of it.
I understand and even feel how powerful GYE can be for recovery. I would like suggestions on how to best take advantage of it attitude-wise.

Its pretty amazing how good our Y"H really is. At the same time he tells us that we don't need help because we are really not so bad, he also tells us let's do it again that good old once last time (how many last times have you did it). Don't get caught in the trap.  If your serious about recovery which you appear to be then this is the place for you. Listen to Rabbi Shakier's shuir #42 tricks of the soton available on theshmuz. Your post is right out his shuir.

Hey its just assur,

Sounds like we have pretty similar backgrounds. This is a tough battle. Its good we have God on our side. Put your trust in Hashem and amazing things do happen. Welcome aboard!

-Yiddle

Reb, welcome!

The best course of action is just to do the right thing. If you don't think you are so bad, fine. If you think you're on top of the world, even better. If you think you've got plenty of time, maybe you do. But when you start thinking it's okay to indulge... huh? Say what?!? That isn't the right thing.

Wherever you are, be honest with yourself. Without that, you'll never be honest with G-d. It's okay to be "not so bad" or whatever you feel you are. Who is really so bad, anyway? Doesn't the lowest Yid have mitzvos like a pomegranate have seeds? What isn't okay is to justify bad behavior. That's where we "bad folks" draw the line (we're really bad for that).

In any case, wherever you stand, you are definately in good company. This forum is populated with loving, caring, fighting men, all aiming for the very best. Please make yourself at home and settle in a while. You just may find how some of our worst bad folk have some of the best stuff on earth.

Stay in the fight. Keep your head up and be encouraged. We're all very glad you're here.

Hey IJA,

I'm new to the site as well and I don't know your age but i gather that you are in your early 20s and single. I'm in my mid 20s and single and know exactly what you mean. I joined the site two days ago and have been on it for hours (all my spare time). Let me tell you, there are some amazing people here and so many inspirational messages and stories. I would start with the GYE handbook (available on the homepage) and registering for the 90 challenge. Read peoples posts in the 90 day challenge section of the forum so that you can get a better picture of waht you're up against (just in case you don't know already). I hope that we won't fall and I made up my mind not to (with hashems help) but I think that it is important to see how people dealt with their falls and learn from their mistakes. I read a tip that I will be using during the challenge (sorry but I forgot who's idea it was). I will allow myself to fall 3 times during the next three months. I obviously don't intend on falling but if I do fall, I'll know that I only have two falls left and will want to save it for the future (it's common for people to give up when they fall and to ma*** multiple times before getting up which is what I'll try to avoid). I hear that davening is important as well. If you have any questions regarding strategy, there is a forum for that as well. I'm predicting that the shower will be a difficult place for me so I asked the forum for some tips and I got 5 responses in one day with great tips! Take a shower not a bath, think of something beautiful like a park or an animal, it was debated weather it is allowed to think of torah but no conclusion, take a COLD shower (you'll be running out), don't focus on the cleanliness of the area (i know what you are thinking but I'll be doing it anyway and I'm generally a very clean person). This is just one example of an issue I had and the wonderful responses I got. I also have issues with emunah that I brought up and I got some great responses and I’ll be implementing them. If porn is an issue check out the various options for a gader (accountability software and filters).
There may be a virtual SA session starting early next week so you may want to sign up to that (you will have to commit to visit the site daily so I'm not sure if it is something you can do).

Oh and one last thought, if you are not married, take care of the problem now! This just gets worse with marriage (unbelievable but true) so now is the time to work on yourself. Your entire future depends on it!

Regards,

Installed
 

Welcome to our family. Make yourself feel as you'd be at home. You've already taken a big step,you're here now. Keep on fighting. And remember,the war is not lost just because you've lost a battle.

Welcome to the group.  I know what you are talking about, as I have thought that way myself.  But one thing to realize is that every single addict started out just like you did.  Nobody was "that bad" from the very beginning. Rather, it started with masterbating, progressed to porn, and then on and on from there.  I know of people who have gotten diseases, lost wives and careers, all due to this addiction.  And they all started off as "not that bad".  If we don't stop the addiction in the beginning stages it will just progress and get worse.  It's a bracha that you found the solution in time, before you have to lose the things you most care about.  Email me anytime at workingmyprogram@gmail.com. 

Hi IJA,  Nu, so, did you figure out yet that we're for real?  That we don't judge, we support, share, give ideas, chizuk, and jokes (some of them you'll lol).  Welcome. 

Chos V'sholom you should go down the drain I did.  I quit many many addictions.  I figured this one wasn't so bad.  As I read it (ha!) even the Alter Rebbe gave a back door for T'shuvah.  Eh, who's it hurting?  Problem was, one thing lead to another.  I ended up arrested, put in jail, and lost my good name.  Disgraced.  But that's what it took.  I bottomed out.  By sheer hashgocho pratis I found this site.  Bezras H" I've been taking it one day at a time, otherwise it all seems too overwhelming.

There's a lot of amazing suggestions guys have posted here for you.  My two cents?  Maybe start by asking yourself what you really feel right after, and how it feels to go daven with this on your mind, and the focus on "it", rahter than on Him, which is hard enough without "it'.  Kavahnoh, as I know you know, doesn't come so easy. 

Welcome welcome.  Please post and post, read, jump in...we'll catch you.

Dear IJA,

I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

One of our goals on GYE is to help people "hit bottom while still on top" so they will take recovery seriously. To explain better what I mean, please see this page. If you're here, it means you're already taking serious steps in recovery, so keep up the good work!

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. The lay down the cornerstone of all our work at GuardYourEyes. Before the GYE handbook people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, someone with a low level addiction wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences", putting in filters etc... For the first time ever, this handbook details all the techniques and tools dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now, anyone can read it through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook to the next tools, as the suggestions become progressively more "addiction-oriented".

We suggest printing out the handbooks and reading it them at least once. Then, we suggest going back and reading them again slowly on the computer, and this time pressing on the many links that are found in the different articles.

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!