Hi,
I'm here to introduce myself. I'm clean 3 days. I started the process in Sept of 09. Had a good 2 months (aprox?) then slipped.
I started in Sept by going to AA meetings. I'm not an alcoholic but I was afraid SA would trigger me. My therapist was maskim. The AA meetings were amazing. I love how they read the promises, finally I was with people open about depression, not a secret that I have to hide until 3rd date etc...Problem was I never got a sponsor or worked steps. Just went to 3 speaker meetings. Then I tried an SA meeting and lost being clean. There were women in the room which I don't think is for me. Also, people discussed what their MOs are. When I hear words its no good. I went back to AA but then I got a night job (its an excuse-could have gone to day meetings...)
I started Duvid Chaim's group two weeks ago. No describing MOs. No ideas in my head from it. Just pure recovery focused working the steps. I like it. I've missed last week but I hope to be there Wednesday if not tomorrow. I went to an AA meeting tonight. I know I need a daily meeting like a diabetic needs insulin but I have a meeting at 1:45. I'm not being brutaly honest though. I better find a way to do the phone meeting or get to a AA meeting!
I made my own slogan. More is never enough. Thats why I stopped and I want to stop again. Its crazy. If your an addict you will never get what you want no matter how many times you try. Its time to look for serenity somewhere else other than in the addiction.
I know the road will have challenges. I may have times when I'll need to call a sponsor and say I want to look at stuff- help me. I want recovery.
I have refrained from something since September. I'm not clean since I look at the computer but I do think that refraining from the phone since September is an accomplishment not that I deserve a metal for not doing crazy self destructive financially ruinous practices.
Happy to be here. I have a lot of work to do and need help. Any comments are welcome.
inrecover123

Hi In,

You are struggling with such sincerity and wholeheartedness.  I'm new, too.  My experience has been that people will rush to help.  Let me know what I can do.  Soon the Guard will come with his admin post with much direction and suggestions, if he hasn't already.

I have a lot of work to do too.  So do a lot of other guys here.  Reading your post humbles me to remember to keep it simple--get to a meeting, etc.

Thanks for posting,  Welcome.  This is a safe place, Yiddin who care, who love, who always mean well.