i am new to this site. just found it today.
i've been looking for something like this for a long time.
and yet, writing this post is very hard for me.
i am addicted to pornography and masturbation for 12 years now, and it's a total secret to everyone. it's hard to reveal it in such a public place....

i am married with a child on the way, and i feel that for the sake of my family, for my wife and child, i must change.
i must become a better man. my wife has no idea i'm addicted, and no idea i joined the site. for now, i think i will keep it that way. maybe when i'm doing better and feeling more pure i will tell her.

thank you for this site, i feel lucky to have found it.
i pray to the lord above that this will be the first step towards the purity that i so desire.
M

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY BRO!!

its no easy thing to do, i should know only on day 8!!!

but here youve found the greatest place where you willl re youself forever and reach new levels!!!

so welcome friend.

use this forum for everythingh, and may i suggest you read the "spouses of addicts sections and there stories"
it will give you a whole new level of chizuk!!

enjoy the first step in your journey!!

hi -

welcome!

post...
read (the good stuff - found here )
post some more...

get out of isolation mode...
post some more...

try to laugh a little, and smile once in a while

keep on growing!
FREEDOM is around the corner

Dov in Srael

muststopnow wrote on 25 May 2010 12:50:


Yep, welcome aboard. If Guard were on duty (I think he's on a fundraising trip), he'd be sending you an official online welcome packet. In the meantime, you could probably find one near the start of other peoples' welcome threads. It shows some nice workbooks etc that help get things started.

I'm one of those hard-boiled guys who likes to put it all out there. [Feel free to read my story at the top of my old "introduce Yourself" thread.] This makes it a good site for ME, but it also means I can be a bit of a rough read for folks a little more subdued in this work. So forgive me if I'm jumping in to a sensitive place. However...

sometimes the most difficult and gutsy moves can be the ones with the greatest power, and the greatest payoff. You mentioned that just registering and posting was tough. So my bracha to you is that you gain from the site in equal measure.

And even more challenging, I'm curious if you've ever checked in with your Rav in how to address this work. Seriously. As embarrassing as some might find it, the input of Daas Torah is important in every area of our life as Orthodox Jews. (You are one, aren't you?) If we can ask our Rav about the purity of the wallets in our BACK pockets (business dealings, tzedaka allocations, etc), why is it so difficult to ask him about the purity of (what's near our FRONT pockets)?

In other words, my own personal opinion (worth what you paid for it!) is to consider the toughest areas to tackle, jump on them, see in hindsight that they're not so tough, and then use that victory to pick off the easy stuff later. And of all of them, having a Rav onboard seems like a pretty high bang-per-buck.

Just a thought. Anyhow, welcome aboard. Keep posting.

Welcome, Reb Must! Taking the step to join and post is huge - it's great! By doing that, you showed yourself that this is something you're really serious about. Before I came here, I'd been involved in p&m for a LONG time. The vast majority of my life, in fact. Yet, with the help of the amazing people here, I've been able to grow in this area tremendously - far more than i originally thought possible. Feel free to check out my thread if you want to read/comment - just click on the link underneath this post.

Posting may be difficult, but I think it's worth it. It means facing the issues, and also being aware of the struggles going on in your day-to-day life, and how you feel about them. Posting consistently means being aware.

So - how are you doing today?

it really is heartwarming to see so many people reply so fast....
i thought that if i would get even one reply in the next couple of days i'd be lucky. but i guess not!!!

well, today i'm doing better. just giving my wife a hug this morning while knowing that i'm taking a serious step towards purity, makes it worth it all. i feel that now i'm really trying to be faithful, and it brings me closer to her, and gives me more inner peace.

i think i'm gonna join this 90 day program. sounds like a real challenge.

i am not addicted to the degree where i fail every day... it's more like once a week or once in two weeks that i just  leave all the work or learning i'm involved in, and spend a day on shtus. TV, movies, and of course it leads to pornography.

my main battle is to get out of the house, work, study and learn torah.
but i'm not fooling myself. even if it's just once a week, i'm still addicted, and i have no restraints when it comes to such things.
over the years, i've lost a lot because of these one day disasters...

once again, thanks for your quick and sincere replies.
M

Glad to hear that you're not allowing yourself to be fooled. 90 days is not easy, and it seemed impossible to me when i first started. But I discovered that it wasn't, which was quite the amazing discovery after so many years of being trapped. I realized I'd had the key to my prison cell all along!

90 days doesn't remove the problem entirely, but it helps to break the habit, to remove the tendency to naturally turn to this as much...plus, it shows that you're truly capable of stopping that it isn't something you need.

I'm also really glad to hear that you feel good about this - I think it's very important to focus on the good feelings of being clean, and the benefits of it. That can help when the temptations arise.

KUTGW!! (Keep Up The Good Work!!)

its beacuse we care about you brother...
it takes a reallyu special yid - like you - to jump in right on the first day and go for the home run...your going for gold my friend, even better than gold!!!!

i am truely smiling at your motivation, keep on striving and youll keep all of us strong too!!

thankyou my friend, thankyou!!!

keep on fighting and winning!!!

i am back.
i am alone at home, and it's tough....
90 days...
90 days....

this is gonna be a lot harder than i thought.

thank you for your support!
M

MY FRIEND it going to be alot harder than hard.... but we know, its not only important, not only essential, not only indespensible.... STOPPING IS THE ONLY OPTION,

SO BE HAPPY...YOU CANT FALL COS YOUR A CHOSUV YID, chosen to follow the life of a true ben torah and tahts what makes you such an inspirational person!!

just stay 'clear' to see the ture meaning of that read dovs last post to me, in fact ill copy it to you....

keep going brother, and make two lists, tis helps me when im home alone.... one the consequences of breaking ie instantaneos pleasure than a long spiral of depression and upset and lack of conc in learning and davening and one what happeneds if i win today, another day in the eternal reward and bliss box in shamayim... so in the words of bard (sorry about sleating your pharse bard but its needed now)

KEEP ON TRUCKING!
keep on inspiring us all and climbing that ladder...

For now, focus on one day - today. You're hoping to get to 90, and beyond, but the only thing you can face is...today. That's the way hashem created this world.

THIS WAS FROM DOV, read carefully;

For me the issue is insanity. Expecting my life to go well while I follow a derech (lust and self-absorption) that has only led me to misery, is just plain nuts. Insane, if you will. To believe that pursuing lust is in my very best interest, is nuts, too. And that is exactly what I will be feeling should I pursue lust. I may realize "Uh-oh, this is bad..." but the very fact that I would go ahead and pursue it anyway is proof positive to me that I deeply accept that I need it. That is, that it is in my best interest in some way right now.

Nuts.

(BTW, my conclusion was based on a lesson I learned from Rav Noach Weinberg, zt"l)

OK. So instead of being strong, I want Hashem to help me be clear. "Clarity or death", as one of my rebbis used to say. Da'as (unlike chochma which is like a flash, or bina which is just a process) is an awareness that is in you - or not. Like how we are aware that it is Shabbos and do not even reach for the light switch (after a while, for BTs).

And that awareness is what is mavdil between success and failure in this battle for our very lives. As they say, "im ein da'as, havdoloh minayin?".

Hi MSN,

Welcome....
Your description of going all out once a week sounds like the spring in the box syndrome that I used to have ...

Spending a few days pushing down and pushing down... but at some point it's like a spring that pushes back up...

The question then is how to not constantly be pushing the spring down.... but rather trying to stay away from it in a healthier way...

For me the polarization is not healthy. It's like I have to be either totally B'kedusha V'taharah and be on lofty levels or at the other extreme of wallowing in the mud...

For me it was helpful to work on appreciating small accomplishments and learning that even seemingly small acts are very precious....

This may or may not apply to you... I am merely sharing my experiences....

Hope to get to know you better...
Keep on posting

P.s. It's best to focus on just one day at a time (for me focusing on 90 makes it 100 times harder).

Good Luck

thanks guys.
it's really late here in israel and i'm sitting with a laptop and surfing the net. always a big mistake...
usually at this point i would just end up doing something i'd regret... but now, i have this site for support. so i am here, and that alone gives me strength to pick myself up and just go to bed for a brand new day.

i really love this site!

thanks everyone,
M

Fantastic! Reading this makes me smile, and reminds me that there's hope for all of us!