Hi everyone, I'm newcomer to this web-site and I've already been thoroughly amazed. Not only by the incredible tools that this site offers, but also by the mesirus nefesh of the people here.
      Nice to meet all of you.

WELCOME!! BEST OF LUCK. btw marrige only makes it worse so keep on trucking.

try letting go of the horns instead of grabbing them

I think I understand what you've posted. Sometimes I feel as if just showing up on this site took a burden off my back and helped me feel lighter.

It also helped when I jumped in and posted my story on the forum a couple of months back. It made me feel sorta raw and vulnerable, but I found a freedom in knowing there's a safe place to put it all out there and work with it. And this is a good season for feeling like freedom, eh?

First of all, welcome! There really are lots of amazing people here, and now, you're one of them!

I think (but please, correct me if I'm wrong) that Holy Yid means the following - sometimes we get caught up in the struggle - we grab onto the horns, and we wrestle. But we stay focused on the issue and that means we can't stop struggling and fighting. And eventually, we tire.

Instead, we really do have the ability to just let go and walk away. Turn away from the triggers, turn our attention to something other than the lies of pleasure being offered to us (and they are lies - because while there is pleasure, it's nowhere near as good as the y"h paints it to be beforehand).

I would also point something else out - you want to get clean, not because of your wife, but because of you! You'll feel better about yourself, and you'll feel the constant pleasure of living a healthy life, the life you want to lead. That's especially important when it comes to dating, on a LOT of levels.

fighting lust makes it stronger and it will overpower us so we LET GO of it and give it to Hashem.

I fight lust by not fighting it at all. if I fight I will lose BIG TIME!

once we stop fighting we start dealing with the pain we are hiding from and we start live life in a meaningfull way. LOL

Dear Ohev,

I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community!

It's great to have you on board. May you see the horizon to real freedom this year at the Seder!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

On GYE you will learn how to "hit bottom while still on top". Don't wait for the addiction to destroy your life. See this page.

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!