Grew up in a normal religious family. In the middle of elementary school, we made Aliyah and have been in Israel since. In high school, religion didn't really intrest me, was always shomer shabbos, but didn't daven three times a day and wouldn't always put on tefilin. What mainly intrested me were sports and video games. Of course as most teenagers at some point (13-14?) also got into P&M. Don't think I ever got to the point where I was extremely addicted, usually a few times a week, sometimes a few times a day. But back then I didn't really see a problem with it, I mean I knew it wasn't allowed according to religion, but like I said that didn't really intrest me. There was no discussing of this topic either with my family members...

After highschool I went to a program before the army and started להתחזק. Found myself in yeshiva for 3 years before I went into the army. At that point was when the struggle started because now I wanted to stop... At first I don't think I made a change with my unfiltered phone, but at some point, probably a year or so into yeshiva I finally got rid of my unfiltered phone. But that only helped out when I was in yeshiva. Whenever I got home I would always fall because all the devices at home were unfiltered. At some point I think I mentioned something to my parents but they didn't really like the idea of putting a password on every device. I didn't feel comfortable having an open conversation with them about what I'm going through. (In hind-sight could be that having that conversation would have changed things). Anyway, nothing really changed and that was more or less the situation all the time I was in yeshiva, almost always when I came home I would fall... Same situation when I was in the army, pretty much only fell when I came home and after that was another few years in yeshiva with the same situation.

Around seven years ago I got married, b"h today happily married with a few kids. I had thought that as soon as I got married everything would be over and I wouldn't be dealing with this anymore. After the wedding things did start getting better but still not 100%. At first I went a while without P&M, don't remember exactly how long but at some point I fell, my wife didn't have filters on her computer or on her phone. Eventually I asked her to put a password on both her phone and computer and that usually worked, but only for a few months until at one point I would ask to use the computer for something I needed and instead of putting in her code she told me the code. Or a few times I just saw the code she put into her phone and that way had access all the time. But there is definitely an improvement since the marriage compared to before that. Now I'm usually able to go a few months without slipping up, then I slip up for somewhere between a few days up to a few weeks and then another few months clean. When the war in Israel started (Simchat Torah a year and a half ago) I had been over a year clean! But then I fell again... And then it was the same, few months clean until I fall again. Until last week I had been clean for around five months and fell again...

Saw ads for GYE a few years ago but only now decided to sign up and hopefully B"H this will help me take the next step I need to be clean completely. Starting to go through the flight to freedom program, making a real plan on how to deal with this. I also have new motivation to finally get this over with because besides my devotion to Hashem and to the Torah and to my wife, I've also started teaching Torah in highschool and don't want to be one that preaches one way but acts another...

After reading a few posts on the forum here, I feel pretty grateful for my situation because I never fell into anything worse than P&M B"H. Also I don't feel like it's made a direct impact on other parts of my life or שלום בית as with others (I believe that there are for sure unconscious effects on married life and intimacy, but it hasn't effected me in a conscious way that I'm sure it's effected others' married life...)

Part of my path I think is for sure sending this post to the forum, because as of now nobody in the world knows I'm dealing with this battle (my wife also thinks it's been over with since the wedding) and it will definitely help being in the battle together with others...

Thank you!

Shalom Brother someone and welcome!

I can relate to your pattern of p and m from a few days to a few weeks, then a period of not before falling back in. What I didn't realize then was that while I wasn't engaged in p and m during those "clean" months, I was not actually clean. Lust was alive and well, despite not acting on it with those particular behaviors. 

What internal changes have you been able to work on? 
Connecting with others is a powerful tool, and I hope that you coming to GYE will provide the push you are looking for. As you hang around the forums, reach out to anyone that you think you might click with.

Hatzlacha and Kol Tov

Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
There are many tools here to help you in this fight, some of them you may not be familiar with.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program* (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframin' the struggle, as you mentioned.
Posting is a great way to connect, learn, and grow also. 
(The Hall of Fame Thread is an awesome compilation of some the great threads on GYE.)

There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,   Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me minhamayim - minhamayim1@gmail.com amevakesh - amevakesh23@gmail.com

Many of these tools can effect real, internal, lasting change. If the work is put in, and the vigilance is kept up you can WILL become a different man.
Keep postin', you'll see, the oilam is here for you.

Lookin' forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

*NEW VAAD STARTING SOON! NEVER TOO LATE TO JOIN! (PSST...YOU CAN EVEN JOIN A VAAD THAT ALREADY STARTED...SHHH) JUST HIT THAT LINK TO SIGN UP! 

Wow! Amazing! 
My dearest newest brother, welcome to THE most amazing family on earth! You sound like a truly wonderful person, who has done much to grow in this area, and beH we look forward to watching you soar! Keep posting, keep us posted, and keep on trucking!

Welcome! Try strengthening yourself with these great free resources:

1) The Battle of the Generation: a sensational free ebook that seriously gets you excited to fight and win this fight. It's a real game-changer.

2) The Fight: an incredible audio series from Rabbi Shafier.

Links are below in my signature. Wishing you much success!

BenHashemBH wrote on 05 Jun 2025 16:29:

So looking back on past two and a half years in which I had a stretch of over a year clean and more recently 5 months clean, I feel like I was for the most part actually clean. Usually the first month after relapse I can relate with what you're saying, you might not actually fall but your thoughts aren't completely clean from lust. But I think for sure during the recent five month stretch (the longer stretch was over a year and a half ago and I don't know if I remember details exactly) after I was 1-2 months in being clean, I was also clean from lust. There might have been a lust thought here or there but I was pretty quickly able to get rid of it. I feel like since I've already been clean for over a year in the past, even though that was a year and a half ago, the starting process isn't as tough for me, I feel pretty confident right now that I'll be able to go a few months now without any super tough battles, the real battle for me is that I need to work on a solid plan A) on figuring out what my triggers are and make sure that I minimize them as much as I can and B ) knowing how to deal with a trigger in advance, if I know something is coming up that is a potential trigger for me, preparing in advance how to deal with it, (In Mesilat Yesharim the Ramchal talks about this in the chapter on Zehirut, planning before act and during the act) and last C) learning how to overcome the inevitable trigger when I face it, learning tequniches how to deal with the urge.


This one is a bit tough. I honestly think that mainly I've only worked on external changes, making sure I don't have access to unfiltered devices, etc... This was the main step that helped me get to the point I'm at now. Thanks to the external changes I was able to stay clean for long periods and as the time goes on, the longer you go into a clean streak the lower the urges are and greater the distance between them. Maybe you can elaborate on what exact internal changes you mean? I think this is probably the next step I need in becoming 100% clean and passing my previous streak.

Another thing I've been thinking about, in my first years going through this struggle, every time I would fall I would always eat myself over it, I would cry to Hashem, say Tehilim late at night, say תיקון חצות, etc... In the past years with this battle I feel like on the one hand I've gotten a little more 'numb' to the sin and I rarely ever cry before Hashem about it anymore (mostly just on Yom Kippur and once in a while in shmonei esrei during סלח לנו), on the one hand this is kind of sad that I don't feel as bad for the sin anymore, on the other hand I feel like that approach has really helped me continue on without being stuck in the sin. Knowing that the sin isn't part of me and that all my other Torah learning and Mitzvot are still alive and that's what I really care about in life. B"H in the future when I feel like this is really past me I will do full Teshuva (through all the stages) without there being the danger of making my like revolve around the sin.