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TOPIC: Religious pain 1735 Views
Re: Religious pain 13 Jun 2025 21:08 #437333
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Bright wrote: Wow you have certainly come very far. Dealing with OCD is really tough, especially because the public seems to think its the lowest on the totem pole of the numerous mental health issues that they cant fathom but must deal with. "Youre not committing suicide, egh deal with it." "So what davening takes a bit longer, big deal." "You weren't molested were you?" They don't understand the constant war of the minds the agonizing back and forth, the violent black tornado that follows you around every day and leaves you no respite. The never ending effort you put in to each mitzva and can never seem to get it right. How it feels to build your very own pisom and raamses, with stones made from your emotional sweat and tears. How this slowly builds a distance from all that you strive for to avoid another krias shema or retzifus made in hell. And how that silent cry festers into a scream of anger at the One putting you through it all. I am so happy to hear that you've gotten to the light at the end of the tunnel and it wasn't one of heavens angels waiting to smite you:) Just to clarify a point which I think you mean as well, R' Bright. (By the way I appreciate your rawness.) Religious OCD is a feeling of a never ending sheer nightmare. For me it included waking up in middle of the night in cold sweats and always thinking I had made something treif and I owe someone money and Im going to hell or coming back as a cat. Imagine feeling that - in a very real way - throughout the day. It's hell on earth. Thank Hashem I'm on the other side now but this is an incredibly painful expirience - not just about doing mitzvos right or building pisom v'rameses - but the (constant) fear of frying in hell, the fear of coming back as a gilgul, and the fear that your marriage or divorce wasn't correct halachically. These are real life examples, not theoretical posibilities. It is sheer tourture and I have not heard anyone belittle it or rank it low on the mental health totem pole, but someone that does has no clue what they are talking about. (BH for that  )It can basically reduce a person to often curling in a fetal position in fright (when no one is looking) and feeling nauseous and about to pass out. And being productive? Forget about that. The good news is that therapy is incredibly effective, especially if caught early on. For some, medication helps/compliments as well. It is very treatable, but you gotta get help. ASAP. |
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