Hi, I'm Alex.
I'm a incurable overthinker and I never feel like I express myself adequately, so I have been delaying from introducing myself.
I started struggling with P&M 12 years ago. I had been fixated on women in an extreme way from puberty.
Recently, what worked for me was [my angel and tzadik of a therapist] focusing on everything else in my life other than P&M. Im 6+ years into meaningful therapy and I have much work before me.
I have been working to break free since before I had a P&M issue. There is plenty else in life to break free from.
I firmly believe that many who struggle don't have a P&M issue, they have a Dad issue, or a 4th grade Rebbi issue, or myriad other life challenges that make them vulnerable to P&M.
Recently, after a fairly rare fall, I felt that I reached enough health in my life to get my P&M under more tight control than it had been. I'm married with kids BH and I owe it to my wife, my kids and myself:
a. To be clean
b. To be able to carry myself as an upstanding individual
c. To be as emotionally available as possible for them and as least self absorbed as possible
I remembered GYE from years back, I had opened a link about something with a rubber band and it seemed so superficial to me I had never revisited.
But a quick Google and wow! A forum? A place to waste time and trade ideas? Sign me up!
But then I see the whole set up with the three circles, action plan and 90 day goal.
Could I make it? Surely it was too long a period for something to not come and knock me out of equilibrium.
My triggers are not seeing attractive or scantily clad women or men.
My trigger is extreme emotional pain and deep feelings of loneliness, low self worth, being undesired and rejected.
I decided to start and set a goal of 70 days. That felt more manageable.
Here I am 89 days later. It wasn't a easy 89 days. Some painful health issues have come up, and there was some intense emotional upheaval. But with support of the many wonderful people here, Im alive and kicking.
One of my greatest challenges is celebrating, giving myself credit for my wins and feeling a sense of achievement.
Thank you everyone here, each of you is an inspiration. Thank you to everyone I have been in touch with, spoken to, texted, and emailed. You time and care is the most priceless gift you could give.
The existence of such a forum and the time, effort and care put in to it by all the amazing mentors and members is a mighty testament to ה ימלוך לעולם ועד. In this mad world of depravity, immorality, and twisted liberal values playing on humanity's most base desires, here is a group of people united in their quest to live as Hashem wants and bring up their children that way too, even when it's the most uphill battle.
The power of this forum is twofold.
One is the platform to hear about the struggles and successes of others and for the deep realization I'm really not alone to sink in. The camaraderie, jokes, encouragement and deep discussion are incredible and provide invaluable support.
The second aspect is the incredible opportunity to reach out to and receive from the most caring validating accepting mentors. You do not get this opportunity anywhere else on the planet and I think many don't realize what this can do for you.
Thank you Hashem for 90 clean days. Every day is a gift. Please help me appreciate each gift and love you back a fraction of what you love me. Please help me and everyone here grow into better more connected people.
Lechaim!
A gut shabbos and a gut chodesh!
