benporasyosef wrote on 09 Apr 2025 16:48:
I've had a couple falls and victories since my last post. B"H the past three days were clean. Not only were they "clean," but I had a few real victories instead of just white knuckling through. I'll share a couple examples.
I woke up Sunday morning feeling a strong urge (no trigger, what's pshat?) and immediately used STAR to ground myself and regain clarity. Then I distracted myself by finding a family member to talk with. By the time I went to shachris the urge was gone.
I had a dentist appointment yesterday. The radio was playing while I was driving and then a song came on and triggered an urge. I caught myself halfway through and switched to an Eitan Katz CD. The urge was gone when I arrived, but I knew I was entering dangerous territory. When I went for my cleaning there was a huge TV in front of my face playing a reality TV show. The whole cleaning was a battle, but I kept my eyes closed for most of it. I spent the time with my eyes closed trying to think of pshat in a Rashi in Kedushin (I got pshat by the end).
When I walked out I saw one of my Rabbeim in the waiting room. I would have felt embarrassed and guilty if I had just been watching the TV, but instead I felt proud and confident and went over to say hi.
Just wanna share one last thought which I heard today. Idk if any are familiar with the YouTube channel "Purpose Over Pleasure." For those who feel safe on YouTube / have a good filter, it's an excellent resource. In a video I saw today he posed the question "is acting out a problem or a solution?" We'd all say it's a problem, but he said it's a solution. Psychologically it is a solution to loneliness or stress in that it takes the negative feelings away, at least temporarily. His point was that the unaddressed negative emotions are the problem. Acting out is a reasonable response to those emotions when left unmanaged. We need to work on managing our mental and emotional health better, and that will help take away a lot of the urges.
I know there's no "magic fix" and I'm not suggesting this is that. I just thought it was an interesting perspective with a practical takeaway. Hope somebody finds it helpful.
As always, thanks to all for the support.
Shalom Brother,
If you look in the Tzitzis Dude's signature, you will find the following quote:
“Pornography is a bad answer to a good question”
-R’ Daniel Kalish
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This is from the Flight to Freedom program on GYE. Maybe worth checking it out?The Hidden Truth About Addiction
Here's something that might change how you think about this struggle: For most people, pornography is not the problem—it's the solution.
What does this mean? Pornography becomes a pacifier for uncomfortable feelings we don't know how to handle properly. It soothes momentarily but solves nothing, and later makes you feel even worse.
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Yasher Koach on the wins and KOMT!!!
