Hi all. I've been on the forums for a while and have posted occasionally but never sat down and introduced myself and write about my struggles. I have been struggling with P&M since my late teenage years. I met with HHM over a year ago and thanks to him I was clean for 8 to 9 months last year. However, sometime during the summer I started to slip and eventually fell. Since then I've been back to my "old self" and haven't been motivated to change. now B"H after doing some regretful things, I'm once again motivated to try again. B"H after speaking with HHm recently we've decided to institute a Knas of ripping up 500 dollars for using an unsafe device. Now I can be around them (as I unfortunately have to) without much of a Nisayon. However masturbation is still an ongoing issue a few times a week. This is just my first post. more to come soon IMY"H

Welcome back!! That's incredible of you that you're back at it, I'm inspired. The courage to start again after achieving such a long and transformation period of success only to fall back to your old self is super impressive. I think you will find the joy of your first streak return to you quite soon and you will hopefully realize that you relate a lot more to that "old self"- the guy clean for 9 month, than the other "old self"!! 

Looking forward to getting to know you more and seeing your progress!! Keep us updated!! We're here for you!

I can only double up on what Menuchas hanefesh said. The courage to get up and try again speaks volumes!
You can definitely do it! Just speak to the greats here and you will be free before you know it.
Keep it up and thank you for the inspiration!

Welcome back!
It's great to have you!
The courage to get back up again shows that you do have it in you to do the work necessary to break free.

I'm going to dive right in if that's ok...
What are you doing to help protect yourself long-term?
If you've been here for a while then you are well aware of all the tools. (Vaad Program (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), F2F, etc)
Have you spoken to anyone else here on GYE? Read TBOTG?
Knassos are a great tool, but they aren't the long term answer...

Welcome Chaver!
Happy to have you back in the fight and ready to give it another go!
To echo yungerman, the vaad and other ways of connecting to several GYE members can be a very powerful way to stay in the fight and keep motivation strong. Also keep learning as much as you can about the struggle in general and about yourself, this is a journey of self discovery really. And keep posting!
Hatzlacha Rabbah! Were all rooting for you and here for you!

thank you all for your kind words and chizuck which is nearly bringing me to tears. I don't have much time to respond now but I hope to write more in the near future

boardg wrote on 03 Jan 2025 04:05:

Can't wait.
We love to hear from you!

Hi! Welcome back! Stick around, re-learn the ropes, and make a few good friends! We are here for you, we care for you, we support you, amd we'll watch you soar!

Welcome back!

Hope this time you'll be able to stick around and kick this thing for good! If just HHM got you almost a year, working with the rest of the boys should be able to get you a lifetime.

How does it go? "Give us 22 minutes and we'll give you the world"? GYE's slogan could be "Give us a few minutes a day and we'll give you your life back." Okay maybe that's less catchy.

I'm gettin' off track here I feel like. Oh well at my age I'm lucky if I remember to put on pants when I go outside. Looking forward to hearing the rest of your story.

chosemyshem wrote on 05 Jan 2025 21:26:

Hero!!!
Heres a hug 
And another one.
On both cheeks!!!!
( thats a story Im sure we would all love to hear)

thank you all for your well wishes. B"H I've been clean for 5 and a half days now. while I haven't had time to do any serious posting as I've been busy and don't have consistent access to the site. I'm in daily contact with a couple of people from GYE so am getting my daily dose of GYE.
one thing I'm contemplating is whether to do a 30 or 90 day challenge. on the one hand I've done 9 months already so the challenge and exciting aspect is gone as I've been over that hump before, and the idea of resisting so long may make pressure too much as opposed to going day by day. on the other hand I was able to go go clean for so long in the past so why not now?
I know that the right answer is to take the challenge but would like some chizuck to take the plunge

There are benefits to doing a 30 or 90 day challenge as it gives you something concrete to push towards and helps add motivation, at the same time giving a focus to the streak can be harmful and may cause you to lose motivation if you find yourself not making it. I have also found that after you finish the challenge it may feel like you don't have any direction to continue working on yourself.
It may be beneficial to first take a few weeks working day by day, setting up a good support system, getting a better understanding of your triggers and plans for what to do when they hit (the 3 circles), and finding better more consistent access to gye before starting a streak challenge.
But it's just my 2 cents, if you feel like going for a streak is the right thing to do now, then go for it! I did it myself and found it helpful and fulfilling.
Hatzlachah Rabbah! Rooting for you all the way!

Hi. all it's very close to shabbos, but I haven't posted in a while. B"H I'm clean 9 days.
I've had difficulty sleeping most of the past week (it started by sleeping too much Shabbos afternoon which hurt my sleep Motsay Shabbos, but I'm board and don't have much else to do so I end up sleeping too much on shabbos afternnon). in the couple of months before I started my most recent journey not being able to sleep and sleeping in have been the triggers for masturbation 95% of the time. B"H I've aced the test so far (as I told one of my chavarim from GYE - Chazal say Teshuvah is osa Isha Osa Zman etc. and hashem is giving me a good opportunity to do Teshuva )
I still haven't made up my mind about the 30/90 day challenge yet. still seeking more input and self introspection.

I haven't posted since Shabbos and want to keep it going (somehow whenever I sit down to post I have little time and writers block)
B"H I doing well and clean I've exercised a lot in the past couple of days which has helped me sleep better. I'm also trying some supplements which were recommended to me by my sleep coach. I'm working with a Chaver on the three circles plan and slowly going through the flight to freedom program, as well as trying to connect with chevra from GYE. I hope that this will keep me from getting complacent like I did by my last streak and continue working on improving even when I'm doing well