Hello chevra! hope were all doing great!, I have some somber news to share with my fellow gye friends, i was nebach diagnosed, now before i even continue please take a minute to be mispallel for altehmirrer ben his mother, thank you so much as the tefilos of my fellow gyers are vey powerful!
The good news is that all the doctors agree that the situation is hopeful, but they say that alot of the recovery really depends on me the patient, so i'm hoping to do my part.
Now for some details the name of this sickness is YENEM MACHLA (not to be confused with yeneh machla ch''v), it is a detrimental sickness which affects every second of the patients day, it robs him of any menucha, it is terrible, as it robs him from his very essence, here is a description of some of the symptoms,
1. living life to impress YENEM
2. always trying to copy YENEM
3. never thinking for oneself, only for YENEM
never truly being ok with myself, never believing in myself, thinking of myself as a worthless piece of garbage, the only value i had was what others would think of me, bec. i thought nothing of myself, so all my life i would do the motions of YENEM, as a kid... as a bochur... and as a yungerman... always comparing myself to YENEM, to the "in" guy, hoping (and sometimes succeeding) that those around me would think of me as YENEM, never really feeling connected to it, and never feeling real, but that was my only fuel that i knew of, after all what's my other option? to be garbage to me and to others? i may as well atleast fool others.....
Bh since i joined gye and since i am rediscovering life i am doing alot better, more comfortable and accepting of myself, and more of a govra, but am i healed yet? no!, i still have a hangover of YENEM MACHLA, i still find myself making choices based on me being YENEM, it's a horrible machla as it causes one not to reach their potential, and to be miserable people.
So please keep on davening for me מתוך שאר חולי ישראל,
With a heart full of thanx, the @alteh
Not to belittle your predicament, but welcome to the club! I think most of us suffer from this malady to a certain extent, in one form or another. צרת רבים חצי נחמה.
