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Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 30 Sep 2024 18:09 #422654

  • odyossefchai
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The same HKBH that gave you two arms, also gave you an extremely tough Yetzer Hara. 
The fact that you have strong desires are not your fault in any way. Just like a long red light is from Hashem, as someone rear ending you that isn't covered by your insurance is from Hashem, a wildly complicated Yetzer Hara is also from Hashem. 

I'm so happy for you that you have reached out to the tzadikim on this site. 
I myself have had a bumpy ride for many many years. 
Reaching out the the holy yidden here has been a complete turnaround to me. I have opened my heart to them and they have supported and most of all, understood me. 
I have more to write but I gotta go now. 
I just got a love text from eerie asking how I'm doing (I got from loads of people btw, they send me at random times of the day to pick me up and tell me they feel my pain) 
These guys are the best. 

Adios
I didn't believe I could be clean
Until I actually got clean.
If I can do it, you can too!

845 445 9131
odyossefchai613@gmail.com

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 01 Oct 2024 11:23 #422709

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Menuchas Hanefesh, your post is gadlus. Making this issue into a bein adam l'chaveiro (l'ishto) is a complete game changer. It rewires our thinking, our attitude, and our priorities. Keep inspiring!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 08 Nov 2024 06:00 #424661

  • menuchashanefesh9
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Tonight is the eve of day 90 of cleanliness for me. It feels like lifetime ago that I started this streak. Not because it went by painfully slow, it didn't, but because I feel like I have lived an entirely different life for the past 90 days.

My first 90 day streak, which I completed around this same time last year, was similar to the effect that I began to live a new life, a life of freedom from lust with all the joys and advantages that freedom gave me. But I was still missing something. I had absolved myself of lust, but I felt it's absence in my life. I didn't need it anymore, but I hadn't moved on from it. We were separated, but not divorced. But this time around, I'm not just living lust free, I am living a full-life. I don't miss porn, I don't miss lusting over woman, I don't miss fantasizing about sexual escapes, but rather I  feel so fortunate and grateful to be able to live  a life of fullness without all of that garbage. 

What changed this time? I'm mulling this over..  I'm not sure, but one thing I am sure about: My dear GYE family has a whole lot to do with it and I have no words to describe my love and appreciation for all of you!!! Thank you so much for everything! You guys picked me up when I fell and led me to a place of such serenity. I can't even begin to thank you enough!!! Hashem should continue to bentch everyone on this amazing site to keep on inspiring, and keep on being inspired! THANK YOU!!!
Last Edit: 08 Nov 2024 19:31 by menuchashanefesh9.

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 08 Nov 2024 13:45 #424691

menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 08 Nov 2024 06:00:
Tonight is the eve of day 90 of cleanliness for me. It feels like lifetime ago that I started this streak. Not because it went by painfully slow, it didn't, but because I feel like I have lived an entirely different life for the past 90 days.

My first 90 day streak, which I completed around this same time last year, was similar to the effect that I began to live a new life, a life of freedom from lust with all the joys and advantages that freedom gave me. But I was still missing something. I had absolved myself of lust, but I felt it's absence in my life. I didn't need it anymore, but I hadn't moved on from it. We were separated, but not divorced. But this time around, I'm not just living lust free, I am living a full-life. I don't miss porn, I don't miss lusting over woman, I don't miss fantasizing about sexual escapes, but rather I  feel so fortunate and grateful to be able to live  a life of fullness without all of that garbage. 

What changed this time? I'm mulling this over..  I'm not sure, but one thing I am sure about: My dear GYE family as a whole lot to do with it and I have no words to describe my love and appreciation for all of you!!! Thank you so much for everything! You guys picked me up when I fell and led me to a place of such serenity. I can't even begin to thank you enough!!! Hashem should continue to bentch everyone on this amazing site to keep on inspiring, and keep on being inspired! THANK YOU!!!

Mazel Tov on 90 days! I wait for the day that I can have the new mindset you got! I think even the days I was clean many of them were like your first 90 day streak. You put it down so well. Hatzlacha moving forward!
Good shabbos!

SSSL's Story (Google Doc)​ [You will need to request permission, which I'm happy to give.]
Holy In Jerusalem (My Thread)

Feel free to say hi or send some chizuk over @ stopsurvivingstartliving2024@gmail.com.
My google voice number got shut down, so I won't be able to receive or send messages from there.

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 08 Nov 2024 14:31 #424698

  • Muttel
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menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 08 Nov 2024 06:00:
Tonight is the eve of day 90 of cleanliness for me. It feels like lifetime ago that I started this streak. Not because it went by painfully slow, it didn't, but because I feel like I have lived an entirely different life for the past 90 days.

My first 90 day streak, which I completed around this same time last year, was similar to the effect that I began to live a new life, a life of freedom from lust with all the joys and advantages that freedom gave me. But I was still missing something. I had absolved myself of lust, but I felt it's absence in my life. I didn't need it anymore, but I hadn't moved on from it. We were separated, but not divorced. But this time around, I'm not just living lust free, I am living a full-life. I don't miss porn, I don't miss lusting over woman, I don't miss fantasizing about sexual escapes, but rather I  feel so fortunate and grateful to be able to live  a life of fullness without all of that garbage. 

What changed this time? I'm mulling this over..  I'm not sure, but one thing I am sure about: My dear GYE family as a whole lot to do with it and I have no words to describe my love and appreciation for all of you!!! Thank you so much for everything! You guys picked me up when I fell and led me to a place of such serenity. I can't even begin to thank you enough!!! Hashem should continue to bentch everyone on this amazing site to keep on inspiring, and keep on being inspired! THANK YOU!!!

Wow, what an inspiration!!!

With a ton of brotherly love and respect,
Muttel
We're in this struggle together; feel free to reach out! 
Muttel15@gmail.com

Feel free to call/text! (908) 251-9590 (google)

Check out my thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/413043-My-ENTIRE-story#413043
Last Edit: 08 Nov 2024 14:32 by Muttel.

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 11 Nov 2024 01:20 #424787

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Mazel Tov buddy!! Keep it up!!!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 11 Nov 2024 17:29 #424824

  • amevakesh
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menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 08 Nov 2024 06:00:
Tonight is the eve of day 90 of cleanliness for me. It feels like lifetime ago that I started this streak. Not because it went by painfully slow, it didn't, but because I feel like I have lived an entirely different life for the past 90 days.

My first 90 day streak, which I completed around this same time last year, was similar to the effect that I began to live a new life, a life of freedom from lust with all the joys and advantages that freedom gave me. But I was still missing something. I had absolved myself of lust, but I felt it's absence in my life. I didn't need it anymore, but I hadn't moved on from it. We were separated, but not divorced. But this time around, I'm not just living lust free, I am living a full-life. I don't miss porn, I don't miss lusting over woman, I don't miss fantasizing about sexual escapes, but rather I  feel so fortunate and grateful to be able to live  a life of fullness without all of that garbage. 

What changed this time? I'm mulling this over..  I'm not sure, but one thing I am sure about: My dear GYE family has a whole lot to do with it and I have no words to describe my love and appreciation for all of you!!! Thank you so much for everything! You guys picked me up when I fell and led me to a place of such serenity. I can't even begin to thank you enough!!! Hashem should continue to bentch everyone on this amazing site to keep on inspiring, and keep on being inspired! THANK YOU!!!

There are no words brother. כּמּים הפּנים לפּנים כּן לב האדם לאדם

באהבה עזה

מבקש

Feel free to email me at amevakesh23@gmail.com

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 24 Nov 2024 04:05 #425675

  • menuchashanefesh9
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menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 30 Sep 2024 17:06:
Until now I have shared MY story. Today I want to focus on the OTHER SIDE of the story.


I entered marriage in a pretty decent place in many areas, but I walked in with a secret teddy bear. This teddy bear (read: porn) would stay hidden, and only be brought out to keep me company if my wife was:


A.  Not available.


B.  Not turning me on for whatever reason (all self-inflicted reasons caused by not realistic expectations for her to be as hot and seductive as a p*** star, while also being as frum and edile as the amazing bas yisrael girl which she is).


C.  Not fulfilling my needy emotional needs which somehow watching porn did, at least for the few minutes of watching, and then somehow magically leave me lonelier than before.





Thankfully this teddy bear has stayed hidden (I hope) but its ramifications have not. This teddy bear I thought was my own problem, but Baruch Hashem through much work I think I can now fully understand that this was actually more my wife's problem than mine. Meaning she was the victim of my problem. I really do think that my wife and I have a beautiful marriage. We care about each other, we support each other, we laugh together, and we cry together. I believe I am a good husband. BUT (and this is a painful thing to admit), my lusting has definitely affected my marriage. And I want to fix it so badly.





Why do I have to get down (and show it, dammit) when I realize that sex is not going to happen tonight?





Why does every hug need to be a full body hug?





Why can't I talk to her like a normal person without my mind thinking about the chances of sex that night?





Why can't I truly focus on only her needs?





BECAUSE I HAVE A PROBLEM! [Feel free to define it, but please give a solution too]!





My DW is perfect, and I have an issue that I want to fix so badly FOR HER SAKE!!





Each year my shortfalls in ענייני קדושה took center stage in my mind and my tefillos during this season. I beat myself up, I cried. I wanted to be clean so badly. But perhaps the focus over MY kedusha was the very problem itself. WHY DIDN"T I EVER THINK ABOUT MY POOR WIFE?!?! Was she not the victim here?!?





Hashem, I have no words to thank you in helping get free from my own biggest enemy. Over the last year and a half I have made great strides. PLEASE, PLEASE, let this be an impetus to become a great husband this next year.

I want to update the Oilam on this part of my journey. I will keep it brief as I don't feel it is super appropriate to be sharing all of this but being that its a huge part of the ex-porn watching journey I want to share somewhat of an update.

As much as I believe that lusting affected my marriage in a detrimental way for so many years that's how much it has improved since I stopped being a lust machine.

I do not view my wife as a sex provider any longer, but rather as a life partner in every detail of our lives who often celebrate that closeness with a very intimate act of love and partnership.

Therefore, when she is tired or not in the mood, I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX, as that act of sex is empty and not exciting. Recently, I succumbed and we (read: I) had sex for my sake and it left me feeling yucky for a full day.

I have noticed that I started giving her hugs when SHE needs them, not when I (read my  *****) wants to. She seems happy and loved after I hug her, not desperately gasping for air. 

She seems more relaxed in my presence. As if she could enjoy my company without worrying about any expectation for anything. 

I think the list goes on but I think this is enough as it captures the overall shift. 

One last message for that darn porn industry- thank you for showing me how empty sex could be so I could now appreciate what it actually is supposed to be! And now please get the hell out our lives for good!
Last Edit: 24 Nov 2024 04:08 by menuchashanefesh9.

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 24 Nov 2024 12:36 #425686

  • odyossefchai
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menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 24 Nov 2024 04:05:

menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 30 Sep 2024 17:06:
Until now I have shared MY story. Today I want to focus on the OTHER SIDE of the story.


I entered marriage in a pretty decent place in many areas, but I walked in with a secret teddy bear. This teddy bear (read: porn) would stay hidden, and only be brought out to keep me company if my wife was:


A.  Not available.


B.  Not turning me on for whatever reason (all self-inflicted reasons caused by not realistic expectations for her to be as hot and seductive as a p*** star, while also being as frum and edile as the amazing bas yisrael girl which she is).


C.  Not fulfilling my needy emotional needs which somehow watching porn did, at least for the few minutes of watching, and then somehow magically leave me lonelier than before.





Thankfully this teddy bear has stayed hidden (I hope) but its ramifications have not. This teddy bear I thought was my own problem, but Baruch Hashem through much work I think I can now fully understand that this was actually more my wife's problem than mine. Meaning she was the victim of my problem. I really do think that my wife and I have a beautiful marriage. We care about each other, we support each other, we laugh together, and we cry together. I believe I am a good husband. BUT (and this is a painful thing to admit), my lusting has definitely affected my marriage. And I want to fix it so badly.





Why do I have to get down (and show it, dammit) when I realize that sex is not going to happen tonight?





Why does every hug need to be a full body hug?





Why can't I talk to her like a normal person without my mind thinking about the chances of sex that night?





Why can't I truly focus on only her needs?





BECAUSE I HAVE A PROBLEM! [Feel free to define it, but please give a solution too]!





My DW is perfect, and I have an issue that I want to fix so badly FOR HER SAKE!!





Each year my shortfalls in ענייני קדושה took center stage in my mind and my tefillos during this season. I beat myself up, I cried. I wanted to be clean so badly. But perhaps the focus over MY kedusha was the very problem itself. WHY DIDN"T I EVER THINK ABOUT MY POOR WIFE?!?! Was she not the victim here?!?





Hashem, I have no words to thank you in helping get free from my own biggest enemy. Over the last year and a half I have made great strides. PLEASE, PLEASE, let this be an impetus to become a great husband this next year.

I want to update the Oilam on this part of my journey. I will keep it brief as I don't feel it is super appropriate to be sharing all of this but being that its a huge part of the ex-porn watching journey I want to share somewhat of an update.

As much as I believe that lusting affected my marriage in a detrimental way for so many years that's how much it has improved since I stopped being a lust machine.

I do not view my wife as a sex provider any longer, but rather as a life partner in every detail of our lives who often celebrate that closeness with a very intimate act of love and partnership.

Therefore, when she is tired or not in the mood, I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX, as that act of sex is empty and not exciting. Recently, I succumbed and we (read: I) had sex for my sake and it left me feeling yucky for a full day.

I have noticed that I started giving her hugs when SHE needs them, not when I (read my  *****) wants to. She seems happy and loved after I hug her, not desperately gasping for air. 

She seems more relaxed in my presence. As if she could enjoy my company without worrying about any expectation for anything. 

I think the list goes on but I think this is enough as it captures the overall shift. 

One last message for that darn porn industry- thank you for showing me how empty sex could be so I could now appreciate what it actually is supposed to be! And now please get the hell out our lives for good!

Wow I love this post. 
It captures everything that was wrong in my life and everything that is now RIGHT in my life. 
My wife feels the same. She's not an object anymore. But someone who appreciates being WITH me in all areas of our marriage. 
I didn't believe I could be clean
Until I actually got clean.
If I can do it, you can too!

845 445 9131
odyossefchai613@gmail.com

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 24 Nov 2024 15:10 #425695

  • jollylemur95
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Wow! So well said!
As HHM says it is an emotional act with a physical component not the other way around.
I find that this helps with the struggle in many ways.
Most prominently being that since it an act of drawing close emotionally, it helps me keep my eyes (and hands) in the right place because I do not wish to have an emotional connection with any women other then my wife.
Thank you for sharing. It truly inspires me! 

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 25 Nov 2024 18:54 #425762

  • thatguy8pie
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Wow! This really helps me understand my own relationship with my wife as well. You are right, it is not about me, and it's not about her either... it's about us. Our relationship. You know what... I know myself... If my wife is unavailable. I get angry sometimes... but I recognize where that has taken me before... even if I do get what I "desire"... it just ends up in an empty heart. A man acting like an animal either way... kosher or not. The mindset was not about my wife... it was about reliving myself. Thank you for the reminder. We we start to let go of our desires, and focus on our wives... we begin to understand what a relationship actually means. 



Because... let's be honset... most days we would be ready and willing to be together if it was possible. Hashem wired it into our nefesh--the key is to focus on the desire in the correct context. Your story is resonating and inspiring. Keep up the great work!

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 26 Nov 2024 16:34 #425833

  • chaimoigen
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Hey, shalom! 
Cant believe I missed your thread and your story (though I was being less active when you joined and started posting). Wow! I’m impressed by and happy for you.

The fact that genuine friendships and relationships here break a person out of the dungeon of shame and filth is so true. 

Your last post about how your relationship with your wife has been fundamentally changed since you changed your relationship with lust , notwithstanding the fact that you had a great relationship before is something thats so important, and such amazing Chizzuk.  

Looking forward to getting to know you.
KOMT

Admiringly, 
Chaim Oigen 
Please feel free to reach out anytime at chaim.oigen@gmail.com

Perhaps you'd enjoy seeing Chaim's Oigen

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 26 Dec 2024 03:54 #427987

  • menuchashanefesh9
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Ah lichtige and freilichen Chanukah to my dear GYE family! (This is the vort I would share my GYE family Chanuka Meshiba- agav, awesome idea, no?)

The lust bug has hit me over the last few weeks. BH, only slips, no falls, but definitely hasn't been smooth sailing. Through my lusting, I was עומד on the pathetic nature of it and would like to share.

There is nothing more invigorating in the world than delving deep into something (for instance the simcha of limud hatorah). The Simcha of unearthing something beyond its surface is intoxicating. But it takes work to burst through the surface of something. Lust is the exact opposite, it is getting excited over something entirely exterior, something with no עצמיות besides for the outer surface of it. The feeling of excitement for it is the יצר הרע's pathetic attempt to portray it as if there is something there, but of course it is empty and leaves us feeling quite empty in result after pursuing it. Marriage is one example of an area that affords opportunity for true depth. The physical aspect of it is an outgrowth (a celebration) of the deep connection that true partnership in the building of a world of רוחניות together fosters. A hug is meant to be a way of articulating a thousand feelings of love that are being felt in the heart, veiter uncovering the surface, not a mere superficial experience of touch.

Chanuka is a yontif where we celebrate piercing through the facade of the חיצוניות being offered and worshiped by the יונים as a means onto itself, allowing us to attain a שייכות to פנימיות. Hence, the lack of חיוב סעודה perhaps, as we are celebrating פנימיות. May we all be זוכה to a יו"ט  of being נהנה from the עולם הפנימיות found inside of each and every one of us!
Last Edit: 26 Dec 2024 04:49 by menuchashanefesh9.

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 26 Dec 2024 04:08 #427988

  • livingagain
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menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 26 Dec 2024 03:54:
Ah lichtige and freilichen Chanukah to my dear GYE family! (This is the vort I would share my GYE family Chanuka Meshiba- agav, awesome idea, no?)The lust bug has hit me over the last few weeks. BH, only slips, no falls, but definitely hasn't been smooth sailing. Through my lusting, I was עומד on the pathetic nature of it and would like to share.There is nothing more invigorating in the world than delving deep into something (for instance the simcha of limud hatorah). The Simcha of unearthing something beyond its surface is intoxicating. But it takes work to burst through the surface of something. Lust is the exact opposite, it is getting excited over something entirely exterior, something with no עצמיות besides for the outer surface of it. The feeling of excitement for it is the יצר הרע's pathetic attempt to portray it as if there is something there, but of course it is empty and leaves us feeling quite empty in result after pursuing it. Marriage is one example of an area that affords opportunity for true depth. The physical aspect of it is an outgrowth (a celebration) of the deep connection that true partnership in the building of a world of רוחניות together fosters. A hug is meant to be a way of articulating a thousand feelings of love that are being felt in the heart, veiter uncovering the surface, not a mere superficial experience of touch. Chanuka is a yontif where we celebrate piercing through the facade of the חיצוניות being offered and worshiped by the יונים as a means onto itself, allowing us to attain a שייכות to פנימיות. Hence, the lack of חיוב סעודה perhaps, as we are celebrating פנימיות. May we all be זוכה to a יו"ט  of being נהנה from the עולם הפנימיות found inside of each and every one of us!

Chanuka is about taking the penimious and projecting it outward into reshus ha rabim. When we share our pnimious with others that is the ultimate tachlis. 

Re: Please join me on my journey, I need you. 29 Dec 2024 02:44 #428100

  • menuchashanefesh9
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Warm wishes for a continued Freilichin Chanuka!

I just want to share with the GYE family how inspired I am by every single one of us! As I lit the מנורה tonight and I thought about the מסירות נפש that Klal Yisroel fought with and how in return 'ה in an act of love and savoring of their עבודה bestowed upon them the נס of פך שמן I immediately thought of all you incredible chevra. The מסירות נפש that each and every one you you invest of one selves in this fight is incredible. The שאיפה for growth, non-complacently, and גדלות in which it takes to fight this battle of קדושה is awesome. Just a short list of accomplishments by all of you:
  • The courage to admit I have a problem- to merely sign up and check out the website
  • The hours put in reading, watching, and learning from the amazing website
  • The streaks started, broken, restarted again, and again
  • The tremendous withdrawal experienced by many during the beginning of the process, and fighting through it
  • The crazy מסירות נפש of sharing one's story
  • The amazingly painful (and equally rewarding) step of calling someone and making friends
  • The hours spent responding to others' on the forum giving chizuk
  • The speaking on the phone and providing support though offering a listening ear, giving advice, and sharing one's story to help others
  • The tremendous amount of work being done to rectify bad habits/triggers
  • The investing in our marriage and rewiring our view of sexuality

The list goes on and on! Which is why I truly feel blessed to be part of this family!! May the Eibester help all of you מדה כנגד מדה , just as you push yourself to your brink למעלה מן טבעך, so to Hashem shall respond with נסים ממש למעלה מן הטבע and help us all win this fight together!!
חזק ואמץ, you guys are all the best!!!!

באהבה עזה,

מנוחת הנפש

Last Edit: 29 Dec 2024 05:48 by menuchashanefesh9.
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