HI, i just wanted to introduce myself. Im a 24 yr old bochur whos been struggling with porn since 14. I did go for 3 years clean (with the exception of one image search) but to this day I dont understand exactly how i did it. Im going to give gye a chance because i know my future marriage is on the line (may my bashert come speedily). In particular, im aware of how visual porn is, and how real intimacy doesnt involve that level of visual stimuli and i dont want to end up in an unhappy situation. Filters dont work for me as i can bypass all of them. Lets just say im a software developer and no filter or webChaver system cannot be bypassed. Believe me, ive tried that approach. regardless, since filtering is not helpful (i still have a filter as it is somewhat of a barrier), im trying this new approach of GYE. I personally struggle with loneliness, sad thoughts, and anxiety, which only make things worse. i feel like giving up. I hope people on here who've been successful with GYE can vouch for its usefulness as i kind of doubt how this would help me. Im just doing my hishtadlus. May my yeshuah come quick! And the same for all those still in the fight! Amen!

Welcome!

So sorry to hear you have all these struggles such as loneliness sad thoughts and anxiety and on top of that watching porn. I hope this brave step of yours to post will be the beginning of the bright light at the end of the tunnel.

To get a good approach towards the battle I would recommend you reach out to HHM (that's his GYE username - Hashem Help Me). You can reach him at michelgelner@gmail.com. He will give you time on a phone call to talk it all out. He will help you have the right approach to sex unlike what porn gives us.

Hatzlacha Raba!
Please keep us posted.

Hey lively,

    Welcome to gye. May I ask what you did to keep from porn and masturbation for 3yrs? Bc thats an amzinh thing.
    I too struggle with loneliness and a bit of anxiety which compound on the loneliness at times and it hits hard. I'm 22 and started porn at age 12. I find that gye is a very helpful tool. I didn't start my journey here. I started on my own and after a few years without success I spoke to a trusted rebbi and was directed to gye.
    I didn't start out with posting or even looking at the forums, I started with the flight2freedom videos. These explain the psychological war that is happening in your brain and really helps understand the fight and gives tools to help fight. I lasted 6 months which was my longest streak since I started working on becoming clean.
    The main thing that helped though was not the Videos. It was opening up. I did it on an in person level which is the most potent but even posting here is helpful. One of the hardest things is fighting alone and by coming here and opening up it takes off some of that burden.

     I don't think it will cure the loneliness but life is so much better without being lust-ridden. Which brings me to my next point,  which I'll explain briefly and highly recomend you reach out to HashemHelpMe. You mentioned "real intimacy" and I hope you aren't confusing porn as "fake intimacy" because it is not. Porn is Lust, intimacy is connection and love. Yes intimacy can't replicate porn, but porn can't either replicate intimacy. Lust kills Intimacy, within a marriage their is a give and take which is mutual, Lust is pure taking and selfishness. To be clear Sex does not equal Intimacy,  it can enhance it but it's not the driving force. 

Hope this isn't too long and feel free anyone to correct me.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!
    

Hi, Lively! Welcome to the most amazing family on earth!
This place really has many things that help, many people, myself included, have seen much change happen through this place, so please stick around, learn the ropes, ask questions, listen closely, connect with some good guys, and beH you'll start seeing real change happen
Hatzlacha!

Welcome! Try strengthening yourself with these great free resources:

1) The Battle of the Generation: a sensational free ebook that seriously gets you excited to fight and win this fight. It's a real game-changer.

2) The Fight: an incredible audio series from Rabbi Shafier.

Links are below in my signature. Wishing you much success!

livelycheetah99 wrote on 23 Dec 2024 23:09:

First of all welcome to this great family.
As a software dev I can totally relate to what you say.
It's frustrating in a way to hear others talk about filters that helped them, And I think to myself "Why do I know so much... it would have been so much easier not to know..."

But we have to remember that hashem gives us all struggles based on what we can take, so it must be that we have more strength that others, if not we wouldn't of had this struggle.

P.S. I have a filter, and I can bypass it, but I'm open with myself about the fact, and work on strategies to stay strong.

For me the book "The battle of the generation" changed my life, you should read it.

Anyway if you need help about filters or anything, just reach out, I would love to help you.

Hi welcome to GYE. As you'll see quickly if you haven't already, tons of people on this site previously felt hopeless and through the tools and relationships here came to cleanliness, sometimes very quickly (but not always.) The fact that you had a 3 year clean streak is a clear proof that you have within you what it takes to be clean. 

As an aside I also work as a programmer and have many times bypassed filters in many different ways. That being said, there are a number of things you can do to make it more difficult to bypass. With my current setup I extremely limited in what I'd be able to access. If you're interested you can PM me.

Hey, welcome to GYE! I too felt helpless, and though I'm still a work in progress, I BH have come a long way since then. I also am very familiar with ability to get around filters, webchaver etc; as you can see from the responses, you're not alone in that either. So welcome (again) to the family, and please feel free to reach out!

Much Hatzlacha,
iwantlife

Late to the party...again...

My dear brother!
Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

As you have started seeing already there is much to learn, gain, and grow from this Holy place called GYE.
Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
There are many tools here to help you in this fight.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframing the struggle.


There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,  iwannalivereal iwannalivereal@gmail.com , and Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me minhamayim - minhamayim1@gmail.com

Keep posting, you'll see, the oilam is here for you.

Looking forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!