Just seeing this thread, welcome Jacko!!!

How are things going by you?

may I suggest you reach out to Hashem Help Me (michelgelner@gmail.com)?

He's helped hundreds (thousand +?), including me, and you can get helped too!!

Muttel

Ok I made a commitment beli neder to remain clean for 3 months. That’s one month more than I just got done doing. I hope Hashem can forgive me for my past transgressions but this is my goal going forward for the next three months.  

jacko wrote on 12 Nov 2024 04:30:

Sorry for my edits.

I love your attitude at winning this beast, first train to hike Har Sinai, then mount Washington, till you're strong enough to do mount Everest.

Keep it up and keep us posted 
With love Akiva 

I like your edits!  Amen to that!  U r correct sir, It is a beast, much much harder to shake off I think than drugs, alcohol, gambling or other “distractions”   With all due respect to those who struggle with above.  But I will keep trying. 

Well the nightmare scenario happened. I was at maariv left my phone at home someone called wife answered and for some reason my GYE posts were visible to her. This led to some very very unpleasant things. One she accused me of being unfaithful.  I explained that my Posts referencing Aveo’s were related to internet pornography and onanut, not actual trysts with other women.  Thankfully I think she realized that. But how humiliating for me. I am still in a daze. Then this led to her bringing up instances from decades ago that were obviously unresolved. I used to work in a n office where being one of the boys was essential to keeping the job and getting promoted. This led to a number of very late nights of drinking and coming home late. I thought I had apologized thoroughly for my past treatment of her but I guess not. Mind you these incidences occurred decades!!! ago. She brought up all b let’s of things I had done wrong over the decades including criticizing and yelling at our children , not helping enough when the kids were young (she was always a stay at home mom) and various other infractions. The icing inntgg by r cake was that she said I was obnoxious because I pontificate and always think I am right. And the final twist of the knife, she wants to spend more time apart. So to say the least I was devastated. My self esteem has gone in to toilet. I had no idea she was so angry bitter etc for decades. So the next day she could see how bereft I was and sent me an apology text saying she didn’t mean it, she just needed to get it off her chest after so many years etc etc. she didn’t mean it and doesn’t want to separate. She seemed rather devastated that she had made me feel this way. She was quite distraught. I tried to comfort her by telling her I forgive her don’t beat yourself up I will get over it. I was the one who had to comfort her.  But the words were said and I am still gobsmacked and basically just walking around in a haze and daze. I can barely speak to her or look at her.  I am still in shock. One because she looked at gye which was horribly private and embarrassing. And two because of what it triggered in regards to the other stuff. I am still in a daze. Just comatose. I think I am sinking in to a deep malaise/depression triggered by this.  Not sure what to do. 

Ooof. No words just ooof. Here’s a hug.

jacko wrote on 22 Dec 2024 22:37:

Here's a hug, friend. I'm sorry you are going through this pain.

If it helps, many here on GYE have been caught by our wives. Some of our wives reacted less forcefully than yours (mine included) some reacted much more forcefully. Either way, every single person I've spoken to was grateful they got caught. Not because they enjoyed the pain, but because it opened the door to getting clean.

I'm not trying to negate your pain in any way. This is a very, very painful thing. But the train that ran you over can lead to the light at the end of the tunnel, if you make it so. Or to mix a different metaphor, now that the boil has been lanced the healing can start (even though right now it seems like there's just blood everywhere).

Don't go this alone. Reach out, find someone you and your wife can speak to and work through some of this old tension, and someone who can support you on your journey to becoming clean, and when the pain fades a bit, keep on trucking.

Wow really painful and stressful. Ouch!

Here's a warm hand and wishing you the greatest of luck moving forward.

May the light of Chanukah - which is so close by - light up the dark tunnel you just entered!

Oish! Oish! Oish!
That sudden feeiling faint that comes from being caught .
Beyond painful. Im sorry brother. 

Ill just echo Shems words to speak to someone  and add that I've  been there & Wish I had done that

Speak to HHM -i dont think you will reget it

Well I pictured myself as Yosef ha Tzaddik climbing out of the pit he was thrown into. Either the pit of prison or the pit his brothers threw him into. Either way, the pit is my deep depression over my recent gut punches from my wife. I am a powerful person who has used his will
power many many times to pull myself back from an abyss. I just saw myself clawing away at the walls of the pit until I could stick my eyes over the edge. Then I fell back in but I made it once. I will try to picture it again. To the point , I feel better now. My wife has her own issues to get over obviously but I am not going to let her drag me down into the BOR again. She is a truly sweet wonderful woman 99.9 % of the time and she is correct and that I treated her shabbily and took advantage of her niceness.  she just went a bit crazy on me. With a lot of unnecessary garbage. I am traumatized for sure and will never get over here treatment of ne and the things she said but we need to move along don’t we?   The lot of a Jewish husband I guess.  But I am like Yosef (lehavdil) crawling out of my pit and seeing a bit of fresh air and sunlight. I will make the climb even faster tomorrow. 

Keep on Truckin’ I love it!  Remember the guy with the big shoes?  I am sure it had some hippie drug reference like all stuff back then. but was still pretty funny .  I will keep on truckin’ baby! 

And staying clean even with all the garbage that was thrown on me BH!  So that’s a plus! 

Here's an big hug by someone who's been through something similar (albeit not exactly the same) scenario. Though the way I see it, in the long term this might be a blessing in disguise. Apparently, your wife had some pretty strong feelings bottled up inside of her, which this discovery allowed her to bring up. If she's the one that feels bad now that she unloaded on you like that, this might be an opportunity not to be missed, to work on your relationship. Sounds like the bedrock of your marriage is good, but like most, has some loose ends that need to be tightened. When the boat is rockin, emotions come to the fore, that can sometimes allow certain areas of conversation that were off limits, to be discussed. I don't know if that's how it's by you, just sharing what worked for me.

So things seem back to relatively normal. BH 

I suggest that you reach out to Hashem Help Me. He has guided many people through a situation where their wife found out about their setbacks or about them being on GYE. It is important for many reasons that it should be dealt with properly.