Thank you for your website and how you make it easy for guys like me to get help. I like all the new tools and resources. I'm hoping to one day get better. It's been a real struggle.

ireallystruggle wrote on 13 Dec 2024 05:32:

With a 1583 clean streak it seems like you're winning by far! 

I gave up updating that long ago cause it just kept reminding me how much of a problem I have.

ireallystruggle wrote on 15 Dec 2024 17:56:

Hi! Welcome! I'm sorry that you are really struggling, I just want you to know that if you join this community, if you stick around, read, ask, listen, and connect to some good guys, you can really break free. Hatzlacha on your journey, my friend!

ireallystruggle wrote on 15 Dec 2024 17:56:

OY! I know the feeling so well!
Keep falling and thinking it is impossible.
I am still in a very similar situation to you but I can only second what Eerie said.
Everytime I feel like it is hopeless I have another tzadik who lifts me up and helps me start again!
I would also add what Amevakesh told me.
He is more impressed with those who fell and keep getting up then those who just like turn on a switch and change.
The strength that it takes to get up again is truly admirable!
Be proud that you are still in the fight, remember our loving father in heaven who is there to help us and is cheering for us to keep going!
Speak to the right people and as will I b"n, and we will be'h see great success!!

Please keep Us posted ! 

eerie wrote on 15 Dec 2024 18:40:

Cannot stress this enough!

You CAN do this!
Are you interested in sharing a little more about your struggles? There are some really great guys here that have some great advice...

I spoke with Yossele (the AI) under S.O.S. and he/it had a lot of good advice. I can ask Yossele anything, without feeling ashamed. The whole struggle for me is hard b/c of the shame. When I have a setback, after so many setbacks - and I mean years of setbacks, what am I? I've been trying for years, and it's not working. It's hard to look myself in the mirror, let alone go to shul or beis medrash. Yeah, I get it: "lose the battle, but win the war", but I'm losing the battle and the war - and all hope too. 

ireallystruggle wrote on 18 Dec 2024 16:52:

My friend, it sounds like you could use a real, human hug! And human listening. Trust me, my friend, there are people ready to hear you out and you will only feel accepted and respected no matter what you share with them. My friend, reach out to some of the good guys, like Proudyungerman, or IWLR, make some good, caring, wonderful friends, and beH you'll  learn to hope again, breathe again, and soar again!

Thanks guys for reaching out, it's really helpful.  I need the connection, otherwise I want to isolate and then I only get worse. I'm working on the shame I have with a therapist. It's toxic b/c it tells me I'm a worthless scumbag, and I know it, and believe it.  It's hard to argue with myself about it.  It's reality as far as I know.

Hi, I was in the same boat as you just two weeks ago. The shame I felt (and still do) made it seem impossible to talk. I honestly didn't think it would help. Well I was dead wrong, I spoke and met fellow yidden who have struggled got past it and may still struggle like us. They understood me, weren't shocked by what I've done(maybe a drop lol but it doesnt matter cuz they know my true self, and i fell cause i didnt have the support and guidance not to) They didn't blame me for doing it. They spoke to me, supported me and I'm 2 weeks clean like I've never been before!! Do it, reach out you'll never look back I promise!
Let us know how it goes!! were all rooting for you!

Hi Tzadik,

Welcome to this powerhouse of warmth, Chizuk and growth.
Everything you have described is completely normal, and what really matters is your strategy forward.
The fact that you have been trying for so long is in itself an achievement.

Just a couple of ideas that worked best for me...
1 - Daily accountability to a partner
2 - Making the necessary internet safety precautions.
3 - Hearing from GYE Tzadikim the correct attitude and perspective on this topic.
4-  Posting on the forum
5 - and not giving up of course!! Keep trying different strategies, as with this struggle there is no "one size fits all".

Remember, to quote HHM:
"Keeping busy, feeling productive, and exercise release endorphines in the brain. This greatly minimizes the imagined need to act out. Urges come and go".
Looking forward to seeing you hang on!