Hi everyone, I have been trapped in the lust trap for close to 25 years. Started at quite a young age, about 9-10, with viewing inappropriate pictures and being mz''l. Turned into a nightly habit, sometimes more than that. As I got older was able to access more graphic content but still tried to stay away from hardcore p. As I matured/went to yeshiva I tried stopping but only was able to cut down, still slipping up every week ore every other week Probably my worst point was when I was learning in Israel and I went to a strip club in Tel Aviv a few times. Then of course I got married and instead of realizing that this ain't going away I decided to keep my head in the sand. Fast forward a couple years and one day my wife catches me. My life is crashing down I am broken. B'H my wife agreed to stay with me as I worked on the issue with a therapist. Things improved somewhat but still cannot get this darn thing out of my life completely. Finally, a few weeks ago I saw an ad in the Lakewood Voice basically saying if you are struggling with leading a double life please call me as I have been there and have a way out. B"h since then I've been in touch with a few people who have been helping tremendously and routed me to GYE. I am seeing now at the end of the day nothing compares to talking to someone who has been in your shoes, I had worked with Rebbeim and therapists before but its just not the same.  I am actually hopeful that there is a way out of this winding precarious trap. Finally!

Shalom! Welcome! 
We each have to walk our own path, but it’s far easier when you’re with friends who understand…

GYE means hope. 
You can break free. There are door open to you. So many threads of folks just like you. Who thought it was impossible. Who are completely clean now. 

You can be that way too. 
Here’s  a warm hand, 

Chaim Oigen

hashemschild14 wrote on 21 Nov 2024 04:17:

Shalom and welcome. 

You'll meet some people (like myself) who walked in the depths of the filth and have managed to climb out. 
Reach out to the wonderful people here who can befriend you and guide you forward and upward. 
Make personals connections and speak to the true fighters who have been given a seemingly insurmountable challenge, but yet they have found a way to win. 
Hashem should give you the strength to fight the battle and win the war. 
You can do it. 

Hi,

You should be super proud of yourself for making that call!  Many people would have seen the same ad and unfortunately not  had the courage to make that phone call but you did because you're b'emes a mevakesh.  Boruch Hashem you're 100% in the right place . GYE is filled with incredible people that have been in your shoes and know exactly what you're going through and can help you all the way.

We're in this together and we are all here to help each other.

My dear friend R' Hashemschild14,

You absolutely should be proud of that courageous call! The מסירת נפש of putting yourself out there for the sake of true growth is real גדלות and nothing short of heroic!! I doubt that this was a one time act of גדלות but rather it was an outgrowth of years and years of inner work and real growth in so many areas of your עבודת ה! As you write, you just couldn't get it out of your life completely- it wasn't taking over your life, and you had grown and blossomed so much and now you just wanted the קשיא to be taken care of. My friend, you're in the right place!! AND YOU WILL DO THIS!!!  I have faith in you!!

With much admiration and brotherly love,
מנוחת הנפש

Shalom Hashemschild14! Welcome to the forums! Love the username. It speaks volumes about who you are and where you want to be. The fact that you were able to pick up the phone and make a call to a complete stranger, demonstrates your conviction to eliminate the poison from yourself completely, and like the previous posters said is nothing short of heroic. What the YH thrives on, is keeping us isolated from the rest of the world. He makes us think that we're the only one with this struggle. Sometimes a Rebbe can help out, but rare is the Rebbe that has the skills, empathy, and talent that is necessary to pull a struggling Talmid from the depths of תאוה. The good people you've reached out to, will understand you so well, they will feel your pain, they understand the feeling of hypocrisy that accompanies a Ben Torah that is trying to do his best to live a life of Kedusha, simultaneously grappling with feelings of lust that threaten to overwhelm him. Stick around here, get to know the Oilam, there's a lot to learn here, many people that care, and will be glad to be your friend. You will be successful. You made a courageous first step that has netted you one of our finest in Menuchas Hanefesh  Anyone fortunate enough to be a friend of his is someone I'd love to get to know. Please accept an outstretched hand in friendship and feel free to reach out to me whenever you're ready. Looking forward to hearing more from you!

We got another one!
Welcome my brother!

If you are in touch with menuchashanefesh, you are in good hands!

There are some other tools that you may find helpful on your journey.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program, the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframing the struggle.
(Captain, I got the link! It's right here!)

But one of the most important is the connection to real people, and you are well on your way in that one.

Looking forward to seeing great things from you
And don't forget...
KOMT!

Echoing the others here, welcome!!!

Looking forward to seeing your growth and your development in mind and spirit!

Muttel

Welcome! I recently started speaking to people myself and I can absolutely vouch that the tzadikim here are the kindest, most non judgmental people around! We all understand you and your struggles and are eager to help anyone who wants it. You coul'nt have come to a better place! Reach out to the tzadikim you will feel so much better and be"h see positive results.
Much Hatzlacha!

jollylemur95 wrote on 26 Nov 2024 04:42:

150,000% agree. 
Being here taught me that we CAN be clean. Something three months ago I absolutely did not believe to be possible. 

hashemschild14 wrote on 21 Nov 2024 04:17:

takes guts to reach out, kudos to you.
can we take a second to notice that someone seems to have posted a classified ad encouraging people to reach out? 
that's pretty amazing and i would love to see a copy of that ad

here ya go

Thank you everyone for such a warm welcome. I truly feel part of the GYE family! I hope that I can one give back the chizzuk that I've received from everyone here. Just an update on my situation. I had a nice streak of 26 days going, fell one day, a few slips here and there and now on a 7 day streak. I find the biggest struggle for me is to reach out to talk to someone as soon as I see myself slipping instead of waiting until after I've gone too far. Any tips or ideas for that?

Welcome!
it's hard to reach out once the lust has grabbed hold, find the points before you're sucked in and make that your reach out point, ex: when you go on YouTube before even searching for things, or when you open the computer or tab to start filter poking but before you start.
It can take a while to figure ourselves out, be patient and keep getting back up!
Hatzlacha Rabbah!