Hi, i have been struggling with this since i was 12 (and I'm 29 now, so do the math....) i cant remember how many times i said this is the last time. I do remember how many times i felt disgusted and awful with myself. BH i joined GYE a few months ago but that was just to tell my YH that "I'm good" and now i wont fall. Who are we kidding? That's what the YH told me.... and i fell for it again and again.. Until i had a recent fall and i was like this is enough!! This is NOT who I want to be!! so i reached out to a heilige neshoma who had posted his google number and asked him a question. BH he replied to me and encouraged me to reach out to HHM. Which i did. I am excited and looking forward to living a better life and to be finally truthful to myself. 

For all those who joined GYE to just read the forums (like i did to make myself feel like i was working on it), its time to take action and put an end to this struggle!

Thank you iwantlife!

Thank you Hashem for giving me the courage and strength to post and reach out.

Signing off for now, 
A Neshomah that wants better.

Welcome to the forum my friend. Mazel tov on posting. And Mazel tov on reaching out to HHM. Both amazing actions to take. 
We seem to have a similar story. Started when I was 12. I'm now 31. Recently posted on the forum for the 1st time and reached out to HHM.
He's amazing!

Bezras Hashem, you will win the battle. Keep fighting. Keep winning. Keep rockin'

Looking forward to seeing your posts around here!

Hatzlocha!!!

Thank you so much! 

R' wanting better,
 Welcome! With your courage to reach out so soon to others, you're waay ahead of the game. That determination will take you far. Between HHM and the oilam, you'll move that mountain known as the Yetzer Hora with ease, as a true tzaddik! 

Much love,
iwantlife (just like you!)

Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here, as you have started seeing, you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
If you have already reached out to HHM you are miles ahead in the right direction!
Read around the forums, find a couple more friends to connect to (hint: iwantlife is a good one...personal experience...), and check out the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframing the struggle.
(Captain, link again?

Looking forward to seeing better things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

Welcome to the warmest place on earth. 
I'm so happy you were able to share your story. 

Many of us here struggle on a daily basis and can 100% understand your struggle. 

Just to point out that for many of us, it's not a regular Yetzer Hara, meaning that reading more mesilas yesharim or reishis chachmah wont change anything. Usually there's alot of other things going on that cause these things. Sharing your story here will help you connect and receive warmth and love from the people here. 

May Hashem give you strength on your journey and may you be Zoche to be 100% clean!!

proudyungerman wrote on 15 Oct 2024 01:53:

See below in my signature

Good luck.

Work out what triggers you to fall.

If you have even the slightest feeling that a fall is on the way, then take preventative steps.

Mindfulness can help.

Wow!!! What an entrance!!! To come on and just take off like that, you're in touch with H(ashem)H(elp)H(im)H(elp)M(e), and the gevaldige yid you just wants to keep living, but REALLY living, my dear new friend, you'll be breakin' free in no time!
Keep it up, share and read, and let us all know how you are doing! We care about you, and we want to hear from you!
Loads of Hatzlacha!
Keep trucking!

@wantingbetter, just saying hello! Was thinking about you,  and am hoping you are doing well. Keep in touch. 

A Gut Moed

My friend, how are you doing?
We want to hear from you!

Ok….. let’s go!!

Succos was amazing BH! I felt so much cleaner (even though there was two three day yom tifs) when I held the Sefer Torah on simchas Torah I kept looking at my hands and thinking BH for having spoken to HHM!!! Now my hands are clean…. Iyh looking forward to complete cheiris and cleanis…. (I know that cleanis is not a word….. but it should be…) This was my first simchas Torah that the ezras nashim wasn’t upstairs. It was on the same floor and it was opened for hakafos. But I knew that’s how it was going to be and bh I prepared myself before to not look and state at all the beautifully dressed ladies and to just focus on the true simcha of being clean:) thank you IWANTLIFE and bh I didn’t!!  

Now we’re back from our commercial break called yom tov……and on to our regular daily schedule…… 

BH! Going on my 15th day clean!! It’s been weirdly satisfying to talk to people that don’t know me and I don’t know them….. but are just here together like in one brotherly embrace….(not in weird way….) but In a awesome positive weigh! Talking to HHM has been the best thing that I have EVER done! Connecting with Iwantlife has been awesome as well. I feel like this weight has been lifted off my shoulders and we can encourage each other and if we need a “pick me up” the oilam is there with lights and sirens…..

wantingbetter wrote on 28 Oct 2024 18:25:

If you are in touch with HHM, you are in good hands. 
Believe me!
Look at my streak! Would have been impossible without him. 

59 days! 59 days! 59 days! 

Proud of you! Proud of being in this awesome family!!

letssss goooooo!!!!