Just checking in here.
Here's hoping you find the strength within you to permanently kick away this bedeviled demon for good.

Agav, you've given chizzuk to others -I have a friend who is 38 and is in need of a push to get on. I reached out to him Motzei Shabbos telling him "if you don't make a move now, you'll be 68 and needing to kick this habit"......

Your move to join may yet influence others to join, זדונות נעשות כזכויות...........................

Muttel

oy zaidy!
I thought i wont have this יצר הרע @ that age!
this sucks! you mean till the day i die im gonna be busy with this ****??!!

cande wrote on 08 Jul 2024 13:30:

Don't be silly - of course you wont.
You're going to read  This post so beautifully written by choosemyshem, and you're going to realize that TODAY is the the day you decide your future

cande wrote on 08 Jul 2024 13:30:

No, we mean you will have the opportunity to grow from overcoming this test our loving Father sends our way until the day you die!

Read TBOTG for further elucidation....

Muttel

It seems that we are all destined to make the effort, repeatedly, to create the best version of ourselves that is possible.
Our shortcomings, our challenges do not go away with the passing of time.
In HIS wisdom he custom made us with desires, exposed us to situations to improve us to be the best that we can be.
It is our responsibility to rise to the occasion and use the resources of those before us to learn and understand what makes us tick and to climb the ladder of success unfailingly even after each falling, failing, and loss. We can not and should not give up the good fight. 
It actually pains me to see a few people who i know who no longer struggle......they have made peace with the fact that they are in their 60's and even 70's go to shul 3x a times a day, do Daf Yomi are married and don't even fight their yetzer hahra....they go home to their wife n family, eat supper, go to their office and chat n surf n cam to their hearts content or have girlfriends in nearby cities that they visit.....and when asked about it by the 2 or 3 ppl who know about it they say...yes, so i'll be punished but thats who i am i can't change.
They've given up.
I have plenty of mistakes in my past but I am here today and I won't allow myself to give up the fight. 
It doesn't suck......it's the reason we are here.
It is our purpose.
how fortunate are we that we know what  our Tafkid is on this world.

Muttel wrote on 08 Jul 2024 13:21:

We are all helping one another.
Thanks for your words of encouragement.

This behavior doesn't go away by itself.
It's nothing like an allergy that you can grow out of.
It doesn't pass like a kidney stone does.
Rather it gets entrenched in our very being trying to define who we are even though it might just represent a fraction of our day or week.

You can't push someone to get on but maybe you could ask him to consider what positive outcome may happen if he takes a look at GYE and realize the many positive success stories that are on this site. 
Don't cost money. 
Is he willing to say....yes i know there's a viable resource but i chose not to take a look....pretty heavy guilt trip he's setting himself up for.....but everyone needs to jump in when they are comfortable. 

Best of luck

baalteshuvawannabee wrote on 08 Jul 2024 17:19:

Beautiful! This post hit me deeply. Thank you for reinforcing and reinvigorating that which I know, but constantly need to internalize.
Life is necessarily full of challenges, tailor made for us to continue our growth, to reach for our best version of ourselves. 

Keep those posts coming!

baalteshuvawannabee wrote on 08 Jul 2024 17:19:

I'M IN AWE!!! Real inspiration! 

Always nice to find GYE newbies even older than me:smiley:



Another side benefit of getting this under control is the impact on the relationship with your wife (not just inside the bedroom). I'm also in the 50+ group with grandchildren. One advantage of our age group is that a small "speed bump" of prevention by eliminating the easy access, is many times all we need to overcome the temporary urges. Please get that laptop filtered ASAP! 



If you don't already, I would highly recommend signing up for the daily vayimaen video. You can sign up to their WhattsApp group. I have found it to be a great source of quick chizzuk to get the day started. 



All the best!







 

baalteshuvawannabee wrote on 05 Jul 2024 21:58:

Hey BT any updates on the filter?

ok, 
I think I have this 'thread' issue figured out.
Thankyou for explaining it.

So here I am, it's been a week since I made my first post on GYE.
Today is day #12 and although I've been at this milestone way too many times to count, suffice it to say that it does feel different and I attribute that to the the sense of community and connection that I experience in here.

I'm grateful to all of you for being a part of getting GYE to this point and appreciative of what it being offered here.

There's is still so much for me to understand about how
(1) I process my sense of entitlement to do what I'd want to do to make myself feel 'better'.
(2) I deal withy my loneliness because of my wife doesn't equate closeness/intimacy with the same physical connectivity that I do. 
(3) I deal with my free time/boredom on my hands and my curiosity about things sexual. 
(4) I deal with the fact that my wife has a never ending, really never ending need to control me, to control my time, to control things that have nothing to do with her   

(((NOTE TO MYSELF:  Want to know how to deal with it? Learn to accept it and see the purpose for it in my life!)))

I was able to successfully get rid of my unfiltered laptop which I had used before, so now B"H all the devices I have access to are filtered and the filter is unremovable by me.

Thanks so much for listening.

These may be baby steps, but I'm learning to crawl in order to learn how to walk in order to be able to run with so many of you guys. 

have a good Shabbos

baalteshuvawannabee wrote on 12 Jul 2024 19:31:

i love this line!

good job getting rid of the laptop. that's a tremendous move!
hatzlacha going forward

baalteshuvawannabee wrote on 12 Jul 2024 19:31:

Thank you so much for the update. It is definitely inspiring to see you working through this.  You will be running with the head of the pack iyh in no time.

Hi welcome

Why do you think this time will be different? Why in the world would you want to give up this exciting delicious garbage? It makes us humans feel good & it's a gr adult pacifier, so really why? do you have an authentic reason solid enough that would encourage you to seek a way to stay clean till the last day you walk planet earth? Think about it.

Great question!!
Thanks for asking. 
I read n reread your question and here are my initial thought.

I am 68 years old - with that comes a certain amount of reality.
I realize it is not "exciting delicious garbage" rather it is a temporary solution to feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, frustration of my shortcomings, disappointment in my marriage, lack of ability to keep my learning Sedarim the way i want to and more. For the past 50+ years I was not understanding what I was doing. 
I thought Frumkeit had unrealistic expectations and restrictions, I'd rationalize that i can be good here n bad there n that somehow equals out. 
The concept of I'm entitled and I deserve was 1st n foremost on my mind. 
If i had an urge - then I acted out. 
There were many years n years when I was a regular at downtown strip clubs and it was a way of life for me. I'd go there n 'connect' often even recognized by some of the dancers and spend my evening getting lap dances and leaving with a smile on my face. 
As i got older n technology came into my life it was so easy to fantasize with others, chat n post pics, guide n be guided by pics being posted and even video chat with people as we acted out to eachother. THIS WAS NOT EXCITING N DELICIOUS - this was a solution to deep feelings of loneliness and sadness. 

"Adult pacifier" ? yes - good description - I think the answer is "I'm sick n tired of being sick n tired" and finally i think I'm ready to put up the necessary resources to deal with the issue and not the symptoms. I cannot say often enough how valuable this connectivity is for me. This is a new 16 day experience and I'm very grateful. 
I'm trying to approach each new day with a sense of compassion and acceptance of a master plan and instead of trying to make things fit into my vision of the world I'm trying to take a step back - take a deep breath and try to readjust my focus and vision and thoughts and actions and words to accommodate and accept this new reality and master plan. ESPECIALLY when it has to do with my wife. 
Doing my best to stay the course. 

Thank you again n again for letting me clarify my own thoughts and motivations by YOU asking the good questions?

If I can be of any help or support, please let me know. I still value my anonymity but I'm certain open to private messaging or continued back n forth of the forums