chosemyshem wrote on 09 Jul 2024 16:16:

Seeking professional help is another inner stigma I need to get over.
Bourbon, on the other hand, well it speaks for itself.

Woodford Reserve, that is!

Nondaily check-in:

What started with watching Hugh Jackman hosting the Tonys (the guy is amazing) ended with searching for other pictures of that sort and zooming in on certain body parts of the dancers.

I've been here in the past, and this usually doesn't lead me to abstinence.

What? It's not porn. This was performed live in front of thousands of people and watched worldwide by millions. It's art.

True. But I gotta be honest with the way I'm using it.

thompson wrote on 11 Jul 2024 14:11:

Thank you for the honest share. And that's a really great point. 

HHM likes to point out that lo sasuru does not depend on something being pornography or not. 

But forgetting about religion.
I think alot of guys find they need to give up things other people can safely use. Youtube, twitter, instagram, regular movies, unfiltered phones, whatever. All these things that "normal" people can use but we find as gateways straight to hell. Of course, each person is different and some people find they can use some of those things safely (or perhaps even beneficially). But solving a lust problem often means giving up normal things because we cannot use them responsibly.

Maybe one day we'll heal enough to use them. Maybe not. Doesn't matter today.

This was truly difficult for me to accept.

(Edit: Dov likes to talk about how there are people who can use pornography "safely". Obviously there's an issur and any pornography use has harmful effects. But a "normal" frum man can watch some porn and masturbate without destroying his life / without it being a gateway to further (and even more harmful) actions. An addict who does that gets sucked into a hole that he can't really climb out of. But that's a different schmooze. Just mentioning it to drive home that there are things some people can indulge in safely while other's cannot.)

Shabbat Shalom, good people of GYEville.

I pray to our heavenly Father that I should stay in my lane and not feel restricted and constricted while doing so.

See y'all on the other side. (That's a campaign promise.)

Here we are, on the other side. Promises made and kept.

Shabbos came and went; it did its usual thing, and I BH didn't.
As in, I didn't pressure my wife for sex, I didn't get drunk, I didn't watch porn or masturbate.

Was nice.
Here's to another shtarka week.

And after all that positivity, I was just hit with a desire to watch porn.
Something that'll give me momentary relief.
Perhaps add some excitement to this dull Monday morning.
I know all the logic against it, but this isn't a logical desire.
I was waiting for this moment, and here it is, in its full glory.

Praying that I won't let myself down.

Hey if you want to talk it out, I just pm'ed you my google voice number.

Welcome to another day.

Yesterday, after I posted about the desire rising in me, two wonderful individuals reached out privately. Before I had a chance to call either one, I got a call from a friend in need and we ended up talking for about 25 minutes. The topic was totally unrelated to anything GYE. When I put down, I felt so much better, and the previous urge was gone with the wind.

I guess the trigger was loneliness, and 'twas the first time I experienced the power of human connection.

thompson wrote on 16 Jul 2024 14:45:

Awesome!
Helping others can be a great way to experience increase in your own inner worth, which in turn can strengthen your resolve across the board.

I'm sure those wonderful individuals, and many others would still love to connect with you.
Hatzlacha

I was one step closer than "about to start" some pornographic chats online, and a fellow GYE'er sent me a private message.
Just a random "How're you doin'?" at the right time. Saved by the bell.

I still have a slight desire to look up suggestive pictures and slide down that slippery slope. This ain't easy.

Q: How do I stop eating junk?
A: Don't eat junk.
There. You've stopped eating junk.
Simple - not easy.

thompson wrote on 17 Jul 2024 20:10:

This is true, however, (as you have mentioned in the past) there are some tools and ideas available to make it easier and more enjoyable to stop eating the junk...it don't have to be simple white-knuckling...

chosemyshem wrote on 11 Jul 2024 14:23:

Wow, posts like these make me wish there was a "retweet" or "bookmark" feature on GYE...
Thanks Reb Shem. Looking forward to reading more of your posts (and maybe even getting another call )
OivedElokim

Tis a genuine pleasure (with a “p”) to peruse the pages that introduce your pragmatic, personable profundity. 

I’ve been away, but I’m in the process of getting back into the swing of things. And it’s a great honor to meet you, sir. 

Each of us must walk this road, but the journey is far less lonely when you’re doing so together with others who understand some of what it’s like. 

Here's a warm hand, 

Chaim Oigen