stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 15 Aug 2024 21:45:

Thank you!!!!

Hope to have the opportunity to meet you too!!!

Muttel

They met for the first time - having only been in touch oh so briefly. 
Getting acquainted quickly they concretized their relationship in no time - sharing so many experiences and character traits. 

By demonstrating Sison, the ability to stay upbeat in the face of so much pain and test, will certainly serve as Yishecha, the saving grace, the tool to bring you to your lofty goals, where your indomitable spirit will outlast your tribulations. 

The impact these magical 3 hours (was it really that long??) had on me are indescribable. The zechus to be exposed to a giant of spirit is great. I can see the greatness you’ve reached and are now on the way to reclaiming. 

Where it’s tough to believe in yourself, it’s worth paying heed to what an unbiased observer sees. And I see greatness. Not potential, not ability, not future, and not beginnings. Yes, I see all of those too, but I see someone I feel humbled to sit with and talk, laugh and grimace (the tears will come), share pain and accomplishment, challenge and pride. 

The only thing left for me to say is, I’m looking forward to our next holy rendezvous…

‘Twas a wonderful hug!
Muttel

Muttel wrote on 18 Aug 2024 00:03:

I want to publicly thank Muttel for being as persistent as he was, making it a point to reach out until I respond, in his special non-pressuring manner. I had the privilege to get to know one of the new giants of GYE who doesn't give up on anyone, and is constantly seeking to help others grow and break-free.

Yes I hope the tears will come one day, and than we'll cry for all the tears that weren't shed.

In that hallowed, sacred place
Lies our Mama, who sacrificed with such grace,
Granting us merit for eternity

She gave up to save her sister from more tears
Though she then needed to wait in uncertainty for so many years
The paradigm of saintliness for posterity.

Mama! How your children suffer so!
Cry for us and for all your kinder in the dumps feeling so low!

The emotions you evoke when we gingerly approach your roadside grave,
Gush forth as we sprint and grab hold of your stone tears cascading like a tidal wave.

So much to ask for, so much to cry for,
To beg and plead that your children shouldn’t suffer ever more.

Those suffering in their fight with this damned foe,
Or those filled with suffering causing them to throw off the yoke, their Father’s love they don’t seem to know. 

Those here that face such searing pain,
Fighting valiantly for the salvation they hope to attain. 

Mama, for all of these and then some,
Keep crying for us that ושבו בנים לגבולם,
We know that with you בראשנו
There’s hope that וטהר לבנו. 

By the כסא הכבוד you’re surely beseeching 
That He shouldn’t desert us ever but keep us thriving.

Until by the towering wall I’m by now we’ll see the triumph and glory,
Of a nation returned home, ensconced in its elevated destiny. 

With a heart overflowing with emotion (especially for מ.י בת ש.ל.)
Muttel

He stepped out of his car along the gorgeous lakeside, taking note of the slight figure walking his way.
After a brief introduction they began discussing battle strategies and postures, plans, victories, and painful lessons gleaned from losses.
Which battle you ask? Why, of course, The Battle of the Generation!

Hillel S., to say meeting you was magical, is to downplay the significance of the moment!
Such a humble man, looking to just serve his Master in the best fashion he can, doing his share of bringing light and fight to the legions in The Battle of the Generation!
The love you have for all of our brethren, the fire in you to do everything in your power to save all of us, is inspiring!

I, along with so many, owe you so much… 

I fervently wish you would have no more costumers to purchase the book, but until then…. Here’s hoping you 10x your book sales, and soon!

‘Twas a wonderful hug (and kiss)!
The first of many….
Muttel

I have an observation I want to share with the Olam here and would love to hear feedback, critical or otherwise!

I have posted previously (guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/413043-My-ENTIRE-story?limit=15&start=135#416405) that a key to winning and making the battle easier and winnable, is cutting off triggers. One of the most common triggers is fantasizing, bestirred by thought that intrude on us involuntarily. This incessant bothering of the Yetzer Hora is what makes many believe avoiding triggers is impossible. 

The point I'd like to make is this: 
When a thought hits you, that's not fantasizing. In fact, fantasizing and self-triggering is never reactive. By definition, it is proactive. Dwelling on a thought that comes in is fantasizing, expelling it is not. I'd compare a thought intruding to a "first look" on the street. You can't be faulted for it. Dwelling on the thought and subsequent fantasizing is like a second look. This thought empowers me every day to avoid fantasizing. I feel, if others would realize this, they'd understand that it's possible to avoid self-triggering through fantasying thoughts - forever!!!

Muttel

P.S. Thanks to Richtig for enabling the expression of this point.

Shalom and good afternoon Reb Muttel.

I'd like to repost something I wrote previously, as it relates to this idea that you are sharing.

Please forgive me if I unintentionally misrepresent any of the information as I attempt to summarize it.


Rav Greenwald with hadracha from the Steipler Gaon on unwanted thoughts:


Sometimes thoughts are brought out by the environment, like something you read. Other times they arise suddenly and without apparent triggers. Either way the result is usually sorrow and despair.


So how do we deal with them?


There is only one solution: to take one’s mind off them completely. It is entirely counterproductive to wage war against them or try to push them away by force. All this does is strengthen them and cause them to linger.


Rav Yisrael Salanter says that it is human nature that the more you try to push it away the stronger the opposition in his soul becomes. Fighting them is the surest way to increase them. The way to fight unwanted thoughts is to immediately turn one’s attention to a different subject.


Chazal say that two voices cannot be heard at once. The mind cannot concentrate on two things at the same time, so replacement is the best way to banish unwanted thoughts.


The Bnei Yissachar writes that unwanted thoughts that are involuntary are not a chet, as long as the person does not then dwell on them.


If a person feels bad about the particular timing of an unwanted thought, he should not take it as a sign that he is doing something improper in his behavior. The Baal HaTanya writes that we possess both a nefesh elokis as well as a nefesh habehamis with compete for your attention.  The latter is responsible for the unwanted thoughts. Imagine you encountered a crazy person. The best strategy is not to engage with them, rather to try and ignore them. The same approach works.


No matter when the thoughts occur, do not be alarmed or fuss over them at all. Focus back on the current avodah and the thought will vanish on their own. [This may be tricky, given the subject, but the idea would be to have ready the appropriate mindset and thoughts and summon them to the front of your mind immediately and repeat as needed to banish the unwanted thoughts and b’ezras Hashem, in time to make it so the thoughts stop invading your mind].


The Steipler writes that a person who is nervous about the unwanted thoughts creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. The Steipler found this to be true in every case he counseled. Any special attention only leads to more confusion. Do not dwell on them.

Hatzlacha

*If this mussar speaks to you, consider checking out Rav Greenwald's sefer. Hebrew: Eitzos v'Hadrachos Volume 2. English: Guiding with Wisdom.

Muttel wrote on 02 Sep 2024 16:06:

Amazing point.

I think the unique struggle of fantasizing is that on the one hand it feels like less than "doing" something or looking at something so it feels like less of a problem. But on the other hand it feels harder to beat because thoughts pop into your head and then not thinking about things feels like an impossible level of self control. So for those two reasons it is harder to want to fight fantasy. In truth fantasy is more dangerous in a way than other types of lust entertainment since it's so accessible and pervasive (can't install Techloq in your brain).

I've been thinking about this a lot recently actually. I think the number one thing that helped me with fantasy was being able to not beat myself up about what popped into my head. Instead of beating myself up about it (how could you think about that now? don't think about that!) I accept that the thought is there and that's not a problem. I just need to move on. "Fighting" against thoughts just digs them in deeper (try not thinking about purple elephants lol.) I heard this so many times, but eventually it clicked.

So my current take on fantasy is:
1) Realize it's a problem and stopping watching porn is gonna be real tough if you replay old scenes in your head incessantly
2) Realize that stopping is not so hard.
3) Stop fighting thoughts.
   3a) Recognize that beating yourself up for having thoughts is trying to fight a thought.
4) Have other thoughts you can distract yourself with. I have said the posuk of eish tamid slowly and while imaging a fire. I saw someone post once about mentally blowing up the image that popped into his head (I think that's a variety of the find the fox idea from F2F). Doesn't matter what, just something else to think about.
5) Relax and think about those thoughts.
Accepting that the thought is there, and being prepared to move on to a new thought is crucial. I think this mehalach has helped me significantly. I used to fantasize a heck of a lot (like, a lot). This is probably the biggest area of improvement I've made in time on GYE. And it has had such a huge payoff.

     Yah this is one of the viewpoint that really helps shift the battle in your favor. 

     When these thoughts pop-up into my head and they return after the initial dismissal I look for something blue and try to clear my mind. The reason I thought of this is bc I remember when I went to Tsfat I noticed that the tombs were painted blue and I asked why. I was told that blue is the color of purity.

    I don't remember the exact conversation, but this is what I do to clear/reset my mind if not acknowledging it doesn't work.

They met in front of a non-descript Shul, Eerie as it was, embracing warmly.
The hours flew by, as if nothing else in the world mattered during those precious moments...
Reminiscing, strategizing, just enjoying each other's presence...

The magic of GYE!!
I've never had such a strong, deep relationship for this long, with someone I (ostensibly) never met!!

Especially with you, R' Eerie, with your characteristic warmth, friendliness, insight, care, concern, brilliance, and the list goes on and on....... 

My only parting comment is, just as you pulled me from the decadence and mud, Hashem should enable you to pull so many more and continue to give Him endless Nachas.....

With bottomless brotherly love,
Muttel

It has been months since I've been needing,
To set up an hours-long meeting, 
To see and shmooze with the star,
Who in short order has flown oh so far,

The tzaddik who's been moving and shaking,
Chizuk, from him all are taking,
How he came and took off like a missile,
120 something days and clean like a whistle,

The unforgettable hug that that was,
Feeling your power, your insight, the buzz,
The smile that never left your face,
My friend, the meaningful, tight, embrace,

I respect you so much, you must know,
How you help, you share, you show,
Keep doing to put out the fire,
And take us all with you, higher and higher!!!

I’d like to share a modest win I had today with the olam, though in truth, for me, it’s a massive humongous win…

I had my brother in law and his wife over for Shabbos. Now, I’d never exchanged more than a few words with my sisters in law, not because I’m a big tzaddik; on the contrary, it’s because I’d look at them with some measure of lust. I know much has been spoken about this topic and chosemyshem recently related an incident seeing his sister on his way to shul…

Im happy to report 2 things. I had no problem speaking to her directly. I addressed her, and casually made small conversation like a normal human being. Concurrently, I can’t tell you what her makeup looked like or if she was even wearing.  Nor can I describe the dimensions of certain parts of her body, vehameivin yavin….. for me, this is a massive victory. 

Heres wishing all our brothers a super successful week in all  aspects of avodas hashem!!

With a ton of brotherly love,
Muttel

This is the stuff that dreams are made of!

Dreams and hopes …. To become who we want to be… who we always wanted to be… who we should have been. 
Boruch Hashem for GYE!

These wins are more meaningful in a certain way than breaking free from negative behaviours. There is change here, and Tahara. Newfound life. It’s special. 

And it makes me think. How much of our lives, of our Neshomos, how much of internal health was stolen and taken away from us by the cursed poison that has permeated the world, and that we have let into our bloodstream? 

How grateful must we be to have the blessed Zchus of being able to grow and finally taste the sweetness of living in a way that ought to be the way normal human beings act, think, and feel? 

BH for GYE. 

Muttel- keep truckin’ up the holy heartbreak mountain! I can see flames and daybreak on the summit, high above the clouds. 

Love, 
Chaim

Muttel wrote on 15 Sep 2024 02:37:

I've been thinking about this post. A lot.

I am curious if accomplishing this is affected by the amount of clothing/makeup or lack thereof that is (or isn't) being worn.(Asking for a friend. You might know who.)

I'll tell you the truth, I have Hashem and the Olam here to thank for this victory - המקום יעזרנו שימשיך לעוד ועוד מדרגות במידת הקדושה.

I still consider myself pretty new (142 days and counting), so it's hard to know what עבודה causes what effect. I can just tell you what I've been working on these last 4.5 months.

​
I have been focused on recognizing that women are human beings that were once babies. they cried, they spit up, they burped, they had their diapers changed, etc. Even today when they've matured into women we may lust after, their breathe smells (at least ) every morning (it's not just our wives'), they flatulate, defecate, urinate, and everything we do. They get moody, they cry, and have all sorts of feelings. They aren't sex toys. Their breasts aren't there for us to gaze at, their backside isn't for viewing, and their figure is not their for us to adore and get an erection from. 

When we think about them this way, and we cut off all triggers to fantasize so that we've gone a period of time without having fantasized about women, we can actually see them as full fledged human beings we can speak to freely (not too freely though!).

Just some thoughts I thought to share.

KOMT!!!!
With much brotherly love,
Muttel