Muttel wrote on 28 Jun 2024 18:11:

The Chofetz Chaim once sat down to write a letter. After he finished the inkwell tipped over and messed it up. He took out the quill again and rewrote it from scratch. When someone asked him, maybe it's a Siman from 'ה that you shouldn't be writing it, he said that it's מעשה שטן. A different time, he was trying to accomplish something else (I forgot what) and obstacles were coming up, so he took it as a Siman that he shouldn't go through with it. When someone asked him about the discrepancy of the 2 stories, and how he knows whether it's a Siman or מעשה שטן, he responded "א הארץ שפירט". 

Muttel, if anyone's got a heart on this forum it's you. Please Please enlighten us. I'd guess that's it's מעשה שטן, but it's your call to make and I'll respect whatever it is. A Gutten Shabbos!

Happened to me when writing my intro. Was kinda crazy bc I was posting for the first time.
I dont think it should be taken as a sign to not post

amevakesh wrote on 28 Jun 2024 21:07:

Of course you’re right…….
I'll get to work again tomorrow!

Muttel

To all my GYE brothers, 

Today is 53 for me. בגמטריא גן.

Staying on this path has engendered a feeling of walking through a גן עדן התחתון. It's been wondrous thanks to all of you!

Nonetheless, I feel the need to post today as I'm feeling a bit anxious/uneasy and could use the boost I get from the Olam when I post here.

I could use a word of Chizzuk from y'all if you have a moment to share one... 

Wishing all of my brothers here a wonderful upwards climb towards true purity!!

KOMT!!!

באהבה רבה,
מאטיל

I really appreciate those that reached out, it's been super helpful!!
I'm in a much better spot now than 2 hours ago....

KOT!!
Muttel

Wow. I just read your last few posts. And then I saw the last one. WOW. What should I tell you, Muttel, we are truly blessed!!!

I have something positive to share; I'm posting it in the hope that it gives someone some chizuk.

I posted at the beginning of my journey (guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/413292-Re-I-Want-to-Help-Others) about how I don't think I'll ever manage to hold myself back from falling with using an unfiltered device. Well, I found myself by one on Friday afternoon and the internal squeeze began immediately. The truth is, I don't really know, maybe it was filtered without my knowing, because I BH didn't try to find out! 

I told myself "I don't want this! What will browsing get me!". Note the "I" moved from "I want porn" to "I don't want this"!

Much thanks to vehkam for pushing me to read TBOTG, clearly the catalyst for this paradigm shift......

Here's wishing everyone else much long-term success in this lifelong battle!

Muttel

Still waiting for the rebbe shmooze. Personally, when I type a little of a longer post I copy it before I submit, because I know it might get lost. has happened too many times. Waiting...

I was asked by a Rebbi here to post tips I've given our youth struggling with P&M activity. While there aren't chiddushim and what I say was largely learned from my conversations with and reading advice of others' here, nonetheless, אין בית מדרש בלא חידוש and my hope is that someone, somewhere, at some time may benefit from what I put here, וזה חלקי מכל עמלי.

I'd share 4 tips, 1 at a time, along with some ancillary information aimed to flesh out these concepts. Here goes:

1) Communication and accountability: The יצר הרע thrives on isolation and loneliness. One's belief that they're the only wicked, tortured soul struggling with the struggle of a lifetime, lust, creates a false image of engaging in dark, dirty behavior, simply by engaging with the struggle. What results is a vicious downwards cycle after masturbating: guilt, promises of "I'll never do it again" borne of deep-seated guilt. Given he's never worked on internally fighting the battle, following this "iron-clad" commitment comes struggle, trigger, loosening of the commitment, falling, guilt. and the cycle begins again. Communication with a Rebbi allows for several positive change to take place, facilitating real change.

                   a) Knowing that this is a common (super common!) struggle allows for one to understand his struggles don't define him and he is a really good guy....  who struggles. This is super critical to fighting the battle from a place of strength. For me personally, this was probably the greatest game changer.

                   b) Speaking to the Rebbi brings the issue to light, itself a large part of the battle; once the light is shone on the struggle, the Yetzer Hora loses his edge of keeping us in the darkness.

                   c) Staying accountable to the Rebbi is a massive tool to conquering the struggle, as it will instill in his consciousness - to fall is not כדאי, I need to tell Rebbi about it (it is critical that he understands his Rebbi won't look down on him if he falls - it will defeat the purpose and create an incentive to be dishonest). Many times, we'd be able to avoid falling if we have a sensory perception that we need to repeat the fall, it will find a way back into our heads helping prevent a fall.

More to come IMYH.

Have a great day!

Muttel

You're advice from the trenches is very much appreciated! Chazak ve'ematz!

You now have a חלק in many Bochurim's 'עליי that they will have as a result of their רביים being properly guided in how to speak to them.    !אשריך Looking forward to the next installment.

OK, time for installment #2 in what guidance to provide Bochurim (and us?) in the challenge of porn and masturbation:

2) A key to winning is cutting off urges and triggers.
                       a) people embroiled in this mess often say: "I can stay clean for ten, twelve days. After that, the pressure buildup of urge is too strong to resist, and I fall"! The scientific fact on the table is: one who abstains from ejaculates doesn't let out more sperm when the next ejaculate comes. As HHM puts it: "one who doesn't have sex for 8 weeks (e.g. after a baby) won't drown their wife with a gallon of sperm on mikveh night"! It's a fallacy produced by you know who (not the user! the damned Yetzer Hora) to cause us to feel like pressure cookers ready to explode! Just as one who has an urge to speak a juicy piece of loshon hora; if he were to go to sleep, he'd very likely see that urge pass. Here too, urges come and go. It is crucial a talmid understands that the test is about getting past the current urge. Past or future urges play no role in his success nor in his mindset. As we say on GYE: ODAAT (one day at a time)!
                       b) That being said, there is a reason why we burst like pressure cookers after 10-12 days. When we talk of the ability to stay clean for 10-12 days, our intention is remaining clean from porn and masturbation. However, if one is constantly engaged in fantasizing or otherwise triggered, that is not cleanliness!The fact that he is self-stimulating through thought or sight creates the pressure which causes him to pop after a short period of struggle….
                       c) when we are clean of triggers and maintain accountability/communication (as written on my last post), there is no pressure buildup! Urges do come. Our job is to deal with them, as will be expounded upon in a future post.
                       d) there are 3 forms of triggers.
                                              I - visual
                                              II - physical
                                              III - in thought.
Our job is to avoid all 3. The first 2 are pretty self-explanatory albeit difficult to carry out. Steer clear of inappropriate sights and don't allow your hands to just make their way to your pants (if you know what I mean)... 
We will deal in the next post with what to do when encountering something unavoidable, in addition to what to do when a fantasy hits (trigger number three).

Looking forward to posting our next segment!

Muttel

Today is a special day for me.

I've hit 60 days of זהירות in all forms of שמירת עיניים, from looking and thinking, to touching. BH it's been a different life.... I can say that I now can conceptualize a life free of this stuff (with maintaining proper vigilance and connection/accountability). In all honesty, I haven't had a real urge for about 30-40 days now (though anticipating one to come) and a shout out to Vehkam for really putting my mind at ease with that - understanding that it may not come.....

Thank you to all my GYE brothers for your endless support and guidance that brought me to this point.

כשם שסיימתי ששים אלו, כן תעזרני לסיים שש מאות ושש אלף ועוד ועוד ימים בקדושה וטהרה לעבוד את בוראנו כאוות נפשנו, אמן כיה"ר!

באהבת הלב  והכרת הטוב מרובה,

מאטיל

With a warm breeze blowing, he walked across the parking lot to meet his newfound friend.
Though they've only spoken once before, meeting for the first time, and just learning each other's names,
After quick strong hug, they began talking, 2 long lost brothers with an unbreakable bond. 
The conversation smooth, the content cathartic and Heeling.
Amazing what connection through challenge, aliya, and success can bring in a friendship......

'Twas an amazing meeting, the first of many!
Muttel

I was left wondering what color Heeling's beard is . . . ?

Yasher koach Reb Muttel for sharing how meaningful your experience is in connecting with others.