Hi I've been on gye for about a halfayear and it's changed the way I deal with this challenge, like not strong arming and SOBER, which is my go to plan. but that was all when I was in yeshiva, (not to toot my own horn but I'm probably the top guy there, so if you think that it's just you, you should know from the guy who has the Rosh as his cavrusha, and the guy you will never find diching seder or ECT, we are all struggling) GYE really helped for jerking off. but when I would go home for an off shabbos it was all down hill, plan shplan i would always fall. then when I go back to yeshiva I write my CURE and fix the issue, but now with Bain haZmanim its been down hill. the whole winter I didn't watch any real porn just getting off to YouTube Yimach shmoi and pictures. but then went home for the 2nd to last week of the zman and I found a new place (I had no access to open open internet) to watch porn and now I found a new place to watch porn ... and I had a full on pearl harbor yater hara nuclear missile strike attack there was zero thought process or fighting, which was what I was practicing the whole zman and I failed, and watched porn for the first time in 6 months and felt like a piece of garbage and then jerked off 3 more times in the next 24 hours. when I went back to yeshiva there was nothing more I wanted then than to watch more. Every Bain haZmanim I try to make some sort of deal with a good friend, but I was so attached to the porn that I refused until like 3 days left to the zmanm and then I made a plan but it lasted 4 days and then..... I had to do the big knas, and that's where I am right now. I tried cold shower knas, waking up early knas, but it's not working. So now is where I need the oyloms help any idea of getting my father to put a password on that device I'm to embarrassed to ask. which at this point I've used it many time and completely relapsed, which if he found me using he would be so pissed btw. so I'm looking for creative ways make would prompt him to put a password on it its completely open. rather than spending $100s on knases because I can't think, I keep making gedorim but I forget everything and just go.and  It's amazing how 2 minutes of porn of that 1st time can set in the start of a full relapse. It starts off slow, but you fall deeper and deeper slow like quick sand and now I have to start all over again 
if anyone has some ideas I'm open 

You are acknowledging the tremendous challenge and still fighting it. That is huge already.

I think as far as a password on your device, you could be parve about it. Simply tell your father that you want to spend less time (bitul zman) and that you think a password would help limit your use of the device. I think that is a fairly normal request.

The Gedolei Yisroel ruled about the importance of having a filter even if someone never fell and never will fall. Perhaps bring it up in a very respectable way that you heard a speech from Rabbi so and so about the importance of filtering devices and therefore you would appreciate it if there  was a filter on the computer in the house. You can listen to a Vayma'en video or some other resource and quote divrei torah in the name of Rabbanim. It would be best to quote in the name of one of the Gedolei Yisroel. If your Mashgiach in Yeshiva ever said something about filters that would also be a good resource. 

Make sure speak about the importance of having a filter in a way that your parents don't get the feeling that you are blaming them for doing something wrong. I can't give you specific advice about how to tell your parents because I don't know them. Perhaps discuss it with Hashem Help Me at michelgelner@gmail.com.

the problem is there is no situation where I would use that computer in my fathers mind. in his mind I shouldn't even know there isn't a password on it so I cant really ask for him to put a password.
i was thinking more fake cyber attack to prompt him where it has nothing to do with me

I don't know your father well, but what would happen if you told him that you were on his computer? Will he decide on his own to put a password on it so that you don't have access without getting into a fight?

There is so much to say but I want to keep it brief.  I have two suggestions.  Neither will solve the filter problem in the short term but I do believe both suggestions will help. 

If you are not already reading it, please try reading the battle of the generation every night.  If you read it slowly and internalize the perspective to feel good about your successes etc. you can change yourself to the point where you won’t want to test any passwords or filters. This doesn’t happen overnight but it is possible.  Without a change in perspective there will all ways be some device available when you want it bad enough.  

the other suggestion I have is to imagine you are the father and your son is the one who is struggling.  Write a loving chizuk  letter to the struggling son.  If you can do this and read it from time to time when you are struggling I believe it can be impactful.  

wishing you an amazing shtark zman filled with success in all areas

vehkam

Here’s a hug. I wish I had GYE when I was your age. 

A big fall is terrible. But it doesn’t negate all the work that you did. You’ve accomplished a lot, and you can get back there. Here are a few pointers. 

1. For a while after a fall there is fire and poison your blood, and it’s much harder to resist. That immediate NEED usually recedes after a few days. If you force yourself to white-knuckle and hold on for a week or so, you should be able to get back to a place where you can work productively towards changing and growing without impossible urges compelling you all the time.

Don’t worry, it’s not all the way back to where you were when you started.  It just feels that way.. . 

2. There are ways to mention to your father that you noticed that the device doesn’t have a filter or a password without actually saying that you were on it. You may be surprised, he may pick up on the hint without confronting you. He might “get it”, and be sensitive to not embarrassing you. And he might not want to know exactly why you are asking…
That’s the way I dealt with it when one of my sons asked me something similar, (and he also learns with his Rosh Yeshiva sometimes).  I was very proud of him, and gave him a warm enough look to encourage him, but didn’t belabor the point… 

3. Reading the book Vehkam is recommending, and maybe speaking with some people here, can be extremely helpful to help you get to the next level. 

It’s possible to break completely free. You’re ahead of the game. And Choshuve Bnei Torah like you have a very good track record of doing it. 

Here’s a warm hand, you’re a special guy. 

Chaimoigen

vehkam wrote on 09 May 2024 23:02:

very interesting,
gonna think about this one
thank you vehkam the greatest

What if your tell your father this?
you had a discussion with someone who has open internet access and you are trying to convince him to block it out get a filter. He asked you if you have access and you would also block it, then he will block his. I said I only have theoretically access on my dad's computer. He said that also counts. So can you please block the computer or at least or on a filter/password so I can't get on?

Or something else. A yid gebzich an eitza.

Welcome to the family! My friend, you are a very special person indeed, and you can beH get your whole life onto the same wonderful page! Take the advice of the oilam here, ask more, read, get to know the boys, there's a lot of good stuff here!
Remember, if you speak in a calm way, don't get worked up, then you can get your message across without too much trouble. 
Much Hatzlacha!!!
p.s. the best advice above I believe is the piece from CO: reach out to people!!!! You can start with CO Then try HHM, Yiftach, Vehkam, and many other great guys

eerie wrote on 10 May 2024 18:51:

Oish...he forgot to mention one person. Eerie! He is one of the choshuve members here and is a wonderful person to talk to. I speak from experience...

Welcome to GYE. 
Probably one of the most painful, despairing and crushing moments for a good bachur after a good Winter Zman, is the exposure to porn over Bein Hazmanim. You probably feel like you lost everything that you gained over the Zman and that this is the real you, while during the Zman you're just putting on a show, while hiding a deep, dark secret.
Though I may be wrong, I definitely had those feelings during the annual Pesach Bein Hazmanim falls, way back in the day. 
I cannot offer practical advice without knowing you, your father, and the relationship and circumstances. 
However, you should know that all of the above feeling are WRONG!! And they cause the "fall" to be continuous and perpetual!!!

If only I was exposed during the "Bachrishe Yorren" to GYE, The Battle of the Generation, and a healthy perspective, perhaps I could have dealt with these feelings correctly. That can also help to fight the YH.

frank.lee that is an fantasic idea and i will do it, thank you so much you are a life saver

Thank you, hatzlacha!!

thank you frank.lee for the idea 
i ran over the cover story once or twice in my head but still didn't like the lying part (I realized that was the yatzer hara talking) but hashem sent a friend over and the cover story became real and we made a deal and I called my father "my friend.....unfiltered.......I have no access......is your computer locked?............he answers YES IT IS" I said ok good night and played it off cool 

what the flipping filp the YH has me so good and for some reason my father lied I'm sure he had his reasons (ill just say yes bec he'll never know cuz he would never use it) but really what the flip am I suppose to do? it was hard enuf just to make the call but no lets make it even harder.

post script: i was still proud of my self for doing the right thing and trying and i asked the voucher next to me if he wanted a brochah(just to prove to myself that i did a big thing) he asked for a car (pretty nebbey if you ask me.

post post script: this week is off shabbos and i thought maybe he put a password on annnnnnd he didn't and i already fail with watching porn after a awesome 3 weeks in yeshivah and that really sucks:suspicious: