Greetings. I'm tried of being tired of this cycle, of building up a little time and confidence and connection to everything that's good and then here come the fantasies and "poof"! I'm looking for some meaningful online meetings. Thank you in advance.

Welcome! 
There are a lot of us who can relate to what you write , friend.

There is hope. Many have found here pathways and help to break free. It’s not easy, but it can be done. There are many to learn from here, many to cry and laugh with. The journey is easier together with friends. 
Stick around! We are looking forward to getting to know you! 

Here’s a warm hand, 
Chaim Oigen 

You are on GYE for a while and it is good that you had the courage to make your first post. If you are referring to 12-step meetings you can reach out to efraim at 12steps@guardyoureyes.org If you are just looking to reach out to people, try Eerie or Chaimoigen, or the main mentor, Hashem Help Me. If you are interested, there are also partner and mentor programs. If you believe that the forum can help you, perhaps write a little more about yourself and your struggles. Wishing you success on your journey.

Welcome.

If you really want to stop, you can.

Take it day by day.

When you have a fantasy, practice mindfulness.

Let that fantasy drift away like a cloud drifts across the sky.

It is just a temporary feeling, you do not have to act on it,