Here we are. I was clean and free for over three months. I been feeling a bit depressed over the past week and I felt so good not giving in. The urge got stronger and I stayed strong but then, I finally gave in and now I feel really sh*tty about myself, the worst.
thanks guys

 Exercise can help as can connection, regardless of whether you are referring to clinical depression or to the popular usage of simply being in a temporary low mood.

For clinical depression, making a list of all the things you might find enjoyable, choosing one or two things that you think are the best candidates and doing them while recording your mood and its level before the activity and afterwards can eventually make you heal. Doing something enjoyable elevates mood which causes a desire to do the activity again which elevates the mood even more. Before doing the activity you might feel that it won't help and it is worthless to try but force yourself to do the activity anyway. Go by the way you feel afterwards to know whether it was a good choice. If it worked you should do it again. In the beginning it may only lift your mood slightly but it gets more powerful every time you do it. If the first two things don't work try another two things on the list. Eventually you should find multiple things that work. This is called behavioral activation and it is safe for anyone with depression. You can't go wrong with this.

Feeling depressed after acting out is part of a depression loop. It starts with feeling depressed which leads to acting out which leads to even more depression which leads to acting out even more. Behavioral activation should reverse the depression loop over time until you heal.

Reading the book The Battle of the Generation is also very helpful.

abgs wrote on 07 Mar 2024 10:09:

You were clean and free for over three months!! That's amazing! How are you celebrating that? 
You had a fall? That means you're a normal human being. Angels don't fall, humans are designed to fall, and to STAND UP! 
You have a lot to feel good about yourself! 

After a slip, you have not unlearned all that you have learned. You have not unchanged all that you have changed in your life to support your recovery.
If you view your lapse as a mistake and as a product of external triggers, rather than as a personal failure, research shows that you will have a much better chance of return to abstinence quickly. Your lapse becomes a tool to move forward and to strengthen your motivation to change, your identification of triggers and urge-controlling techniques, your rational coping skills, and the lifestyle changes needed.

Welcome. A fellow who did 3 months can iyh do 3 years.....  Do you know what your triggers were? What caused that "depression"? What are other ways of escaping challenges and moods that do not involve sexuality?