Hey everyone. Although this is my first ever post on the forums I've been lurking around gye for as long as I can remember. I'm a 22 year old yeshiva bachur in shidduchim and I've been struggling with p&m since before my bar mitzvah even. (A little bit about my struggle:At the moment I watch p on average around twice a week, though if I had easier access it would be every day. When I walk around the street I sexualize every woman I see and I feel like a Chaya ra. If I'm not careful with what I see I'll feel forced to go watch p or m because of the unbearable tayva that develops.) The amount of times I've "quit" is quite honestly disgraceful at this point. It's been years of what I thought were good attempts, and months of what I knew weren't. This time it feels different. I want to be free and I'm looking for any way to get there. I'm employing some new tactics which I'm hoping will keep me in check. I would like to write them here and get feedback to see if I'm missing anything in order to bolster up my advance on the yetzer hara:
1- I started going to therapy and actually told him about my p&m problem on the first session. 
2- I started working out every other day (which is helping me in many other areas as well)
3- I started reading a chapter or two of battle of the generation daily  
4- I commited to myself to ask hashem for help in this area in atleast 1 shemona esrei per day. 
5- although my phone is blocked heavily (after years of trial and error) there are inevitably places to find pictures that are enough to bring up hirhurim. I made a commitment to knas myself 1 dollar each time I do this. 
6- I also commited to knas myself 5$ for m and 10$ for p. 
7- there's only one way I have access to p at the moment and it's on an Xbox connected to a screen in my den. It's the one time that I can't throw out the device. I made a commitment to myself to never have the screen at a volume lower than 10. If the volumes loud I will get cought. 
8- I write my thoughts, self criticism, wins and losses in my notes. This helps me like a diary type. 
If anyone has any feedback, questions, chizzuk or anything of the sort please be sure to reply!
thank you.

Welcome!

Yes, this time is different! This time you're not alone, you joined a warm and caring family that is looking out for one another! 

Your quick willingness to open up to your therapist and be here at GYE is a testament to your burning desire for freedom from this struggle. If I read you right, your motivation is strong and with this kind of determination, you will surely succeed in ridding yourself of this struggle be"H.

​I will just add that besides for having a mentor, what helped me immensely was talking to my newfound friends. Friends that understand and relate to the urges, triggers and falls. Friends that are genuinely excited when you reach a milestone, and friends that you can eventually HUG!

For now, here's a virtual hug and a warm welcome to the family!

- Yiftach

Have you taken the Flight to Freedom program? It will teach you the practical techniques that are necessary in order to overcome this struggle.

Welcome to this chashuve group. I love your enthusiasm and I can say that it's very encouraging for me personally.
Be''H you'll be very successful. Habo l'taher m'sayin oisoi.

A good idea is now, while your enthusiasm is high, write down the reasons you want to be clean of this evil. Make a list and keep adding reasons as you go on. This list will help you later to be mechazek in your determination down the road.

Keep us posted!

zcleang wrote on 22 Feb 2024 10:38:

Welcome!
​You're expressing yourself with such clarity and strength, it's truly amazing! You'll get places with Hashem's help. 

I  would add working on getting rid of bad guilt that can bring you down (you wrote "I feel like a Chaya ra"). 

Almost everyone struggles with lust on some level. The result can be feelings of guilt.” When one fails in this area, the Yetzer Hara may attack him with a very powerful weapon, guilt. It begins to convince him, “You already broke your streak, just do it again!” Unfortunately, this phenomenon occurs very often. People who have been strong for many months will fail once and then will totally unravel many more times that same week. Why is it that a person can be Shomer Habrit for many months and then once he fails but one time, does he then masturbate numerous times soon after? The answer is that the Yetzer Hara convinced him that since he failed once, he is now wicked, and should therefore continue to sin because he will never really win the battle. Guilt is different than regret. Guilt will paralyze you. Regret will help you think of ways to prevent this from happening again. Guilt leads to depression and once you fall into the trap of depression, the Yetzer Hara will convince you to do the same sin again and again.

Yes! Ive started in numerous times and never made it through fully. Im genna give it a true shot this time. Thanks!

zcleang wrote on 22 Feb 2024 17:48:

Mark Twain said “Quitting smoking is easy; I’ve done it hundreds of times!” Sounds like you’ve got determination that this time be different, friend.

I’ve found that it works better for me to try choose and want to be a non-smoker, rather than merely want to stop smoking. Offence, not merely defense. As Siyata wrote earlier, writing down the positives that quitting will add to your life will help build this up. 

Wishing you a lot of Hazlacha! Keep in touch! 
Chaim

Hey Chaim nice to meet you. It's funny you mention smoking because I smoked and vaped for close to ten years and was heavily addicted to nicotine, and about 7 months ago I quit cold turkey the first time I had a hergesh to quit  and haven't gone back
since.
Afterwords I thought that since I was able to give up nicotine so easily that I would be able to give up p&m as well. After all they're both addictions/bad habits. 

The same way I kept cigarettes and e cigs as far away from me as possible in the beginning, I should keep anything related to p&m as far away as possible. It was eye opening to me see that although there's so many similarities between the two in terms of the addiction and dependency aspects, quitting one was so much easier than quitting the other. (For me atleast). 

There's many plausible reasons as to  why this can be the case, but the one that I took a lesson from is the fact that the yetzer hara is at play when it comes to these inyanim. So no matter how illogical and irrational it is there will be a draw anyway. Mastering this fact is what I feel can equate the two for me. If I know and truly believe that it's the yetzer haras dumb game I may be able to IYH stay as free as I am from nicotine. 

zcleang wrote on 22 Feb 2024 10:38:

I love the plan, zcleang. Especially the Xbox, volume no lower than 10. Awesome.

Wishing you great hatzlachah and kudos to you for posting on the GYE forum after having been "lurking around for as long as I can remember."

zcleang wrote on 22 Feb 2024 10:38:

The fact you are discussing it in therapy is amazing! However, just as invaluable, or perhaps more so, are the listening ears and mentoring of the oilam here. 

Welcome to the family, zcleang! (I guess that makes clean from z to g?) It sounds like you have a wonderful plan in place. GEVALDIG! This place is a wonderful place to learn many tips, and, I think even more importantly, it's a place to connect to guess that care, that are going through similar things in their life, and the amazingness of that cannot be overstated. I have made such meaningful, deep friendships here, that really add to my life. Keep posting...and trucking!