Hi, I'm feeling hurt and worthless. I came here hoping to find a way to overcome this struggle. Thanks for listening to me. 

welcome! brother , i hope you will find big hope !

Welcome to GYE!

GYE is a community of people who share a common struggle, and who share a common goal. We all come here searching for ways to overcome this struggle and many have found their way out. Many of us have come here with feelings of despair and yiush after struggling alone for so many long hard years. I struggled for 15 years and had completely given up all hope of ever learning how to overcome this struggle, and yet I am now more than 5 months clean.

Hatzlacha Raba and welcome to the family!

Welcome, You seem to feel worthless and uchy about yourself. It hurts, it really hurts. However, regardless of what you did and are still doing, pls, know; you are a precious soul and nothing can take that away.
when you feel ready, start sharing your struggles, and you'll be shocked of how accepting the chevra are here.

Everything we went through in our lives with these struggles definitely hurt but hope lives here on GYE. Many people have broken free through GYE and you will also break free. Feeling worthless feeds the beast. I suggest that you read The Battle of The Generation in order to overcome this feeling. Here is a link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Many people on GYE are reading this book on a regular basis.

Take your time reading through some threads and make friends. The fight is much easier when we don't fight it all on our own. Keep on posting and sharing. Keep trucking.

Thank you for all the chizuk. It does feel better just reading what you say. It's very hard for me... there's a lot of shame and guilt (and I mean a lot).

It sounds like your guilt is so strong that it is paralyzing you. You might benefit from starting by reading Appendix A at the back of The Battle of the Generation. Then go back to the rest of the book. Hatzlocha!

feelinghurt wrote on 14 Feb 2024 06:39:

Welcome, Brother.
Here's a warm hand, and a hug.
It takes strength to open up, to come out of the shadows. Especially when filled with quiet desperation, shame, guilt, and pain.
But it's a lot easier to deal with all of this when you are walking together with friends. people who understand. Oy! Do we understand....

Take my hand - there is hope in this special place.
So many people have found doors open, where they had thought there was no path forward.
There is hope here. Stick around, read some threads, learn how it works. When you're ready, share a bit more.

We are here for you and with you,
Chaim Oigen

Dear feelinghurt,

Welcome! I’m sorry for the hurt feelings, I can relate to feelings ‘Hurt’ and worthless, after all my username used to be Hurt, BH I’m kind of Heeling now but still have a way to go.

There are a lot of special people here and lots tools to help us grow which helps us understand that we are anything but worthless.

So please my friend, straighten those shoulders, grin, and PLOW forward! Theres so much we can accomplish [together].

Welcome to the most amazing family, my friend! Here we are comrades, we stand by each other, together we climb and grow. We care about you and we want to hear about your struggles, your hardships, and your successes. Please share anything and everything. Maybe you can try to express what exactly is it that you struggle with as far as unhealthy sexual habits are concerned

feelinghurt wrote on 14 Feb 2024 02:41:

Welcome!
Shame is an excruciating and agonizing emotion. When a person feels shame, he feels completely worthless and small, almost as if he has no right to exist. Shame is a powerful process that is hardwired into our system, and makes us humans sociable and responsive to the standards of our community.

Many are confused about the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is a feeling of regret and moral failure that calls for some correction or repair. While at times guilt may indeed be pathological and therefore difficult to resolve, it compels the person in some way to change himself and repent or restore a breach. On the other hand, shame does not usually call for action. Instead, the message is, “You are completely unworthy, cannot fit in, and there is nothing you can do about it.” This is why shame is much more destructive than guilt. When a person is feeling guilty, he can conceivably change and fix it, but when he is ashamed he is utterly unfit and does not belong.

The antidote for shame is acceptance and compassion. A person can learn to find a feeling of self-love and compassion inside one’s self, and also find healthier relationships with people who provide that as well. 

That's what GYE is all about... acceptance and compassion.

Thank you for all the responses and chizuk - it makes a difference, really. Yeah, the shame and guilt is toxic. I know this because I withdraw and shut down. I can't look at myself in the mirror. If I have to go out and someone greets me, I turn red from embarrassment. I can't look at them. I want to dig a hole and fall in. Davening becomes really hard. Sometimes I can't daven at all. I miss the z'man, and then miss the next z'man too! 

Oish.. U carry a heavy load. Come on and unload all here - here, you don't need to hide.. we are in the same boat.

feelinghurt wrote on 14 Feb 2024 19:45:

How Do You Clear Toxic Guilt/Shame?

1. Surrender and acknowledge the guilt: The first step in clearing guilt is to recognize and acknowledge the feeling. This involves becoming aware of what caused the guilt and understanding the impact it has on you.

2. Take responsibility: Take responsibility for your actions and make amends if necessary. This may involve apologizing, compensating for any harm caused, or simply expressing remorse.

3. Forgive yourself: Self-forgiveness is a key aspect of clearing guilt. This involves letting go of the past, accepting that everyone makes mistakes, and being kind to yourself.

4. Move on and focus on the present.

5. Seek support: Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or coach can help you work through your feelings and gain perspective.

Here is Your Challenge

1. Write down a specific feeling of guilt that you have been carrying around.

2. Apologize to the person you think you have wronged. Write a letter, call them, visit them, just do it! Even if a long time has passed. There are no excuses. If the person is not around anymore then speak out the apology into the room.

3. Every morning for as long as it takes, sit still and repeat the following affirmation 4 times:

"I am worthy of forgiveness and I release myself from past mistakes. I choose to focus on the present and move forward with compassion and understanding towards myself."

4. During your day start observing how the weight of guilt dissipates and allow yourself to create more freely.

It's important to keep in mind that clearing toxic guilt/shame can take time and may require ongoing effort. But by addressing your feelings and taking steps to work through them, it is possible to find a sense of resolution and peace.

Somewhere towards the beginning of the Flight to Freedom program it talks about shame and guilt, how to utilize it properly and how not to fall into its trap. It is important not to look at yourself as a personal failure. Instead, look at yourself as a good person who made a simple mistake. Take the time to write a list of the cues; situations, thoughts and emotions that precede a fall and find tools in the toolbox that you think might be a proper response and a good fit. Make a list of cues, and under each cue write a list of proper responses. Adjust your list as you go along and learn from your mistakes. Instead of getting caught up in debilitating guilt and shame use your falls as your guide to see how you can perfect your strategy. Also, guilt and shame serves a positive purpose when utilized to give you the ability to decide that you are going to change and to take action. The pitfall is only when guilt and shame causes a person to feel worthless and that it isn't worth the fight. If you do fall, the trick is to get up as soon as possible, brush off the dust and continue to fight. There is much more than this in the F2F program and it would be very worthwhile to watch it.