cande wrote on 10 Jan 2024 20:06:

have you considered that maybe he considered not going to the mikva, and for reasons that you are not aware of, its not an option? 

I wear pretty strong glasses, and when I go to the Mik (not very often) I do take them off. Still, I can see enough to challenge me greatly if I choose to look. Sometimes seeing not so clearly is worse, because your imagination fills in the blanks and makes it more perfect than real life.

Although Mr. Cande may have written his posts in a confrontational manner (somethin' that somewhat is dear to my heart), I must side with his mindset this time. Mikvah is not an obligation nowadays; if the poster, who might be long gone by now, is questionin' that, he should most definitely be speakin' to his Rebbe and provide full disclosure. If not, he decided that he is goin' to the Mikvah. Although it is generally a spiritual endeavor, he decided to partake knowin' that it will excite him, and therefore asked: "how does one deal with his homosexual tendencies and desires in the Mikvah?" Mr. Cande responded: "How does one deal with his heterosexual tendencies and desires in a strip club?" Answer: Either he spends $150.00 in the backroom, or he hightails it outta there and tosses and turns in bed until somehow he returns to a calm state.

I know the argument on the comparison, but I chuckled several times when readin' his valid point; it may not be a winnin' argument, but it is one to consider.

cande wrote on 10 Jan 2024 20:06:

Perhaps you can make the same point while being more optimistic about his wanting to go to Mikva. 
The way it was said sounded like a burst out on the whole mikvah thing.

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 10 Jan 2024 20:40:

Real life sucks - at times.

@cordnoy, ill concede to your point, however, for a highschool kid who is expected to go everyday, and hasn't shared his struggles with his rabbi/parents, not going can bring questions. And while the mikva is not a chiuv nowadays, for someone brought up going every day, in a society where they place a lot of value to it, the thought of not going can seem as bad as not wearing tzitzis, also not a chiuv.

ainshumyeiush wrote on 10 Jan 2024 20:52:

Thank you; perhaps, for the fun of it, you should ask your Rosh Yeshivah what his opinion is - and of course, tell him that you're askin' for a friend.

cordnoy wrote on 10 Jan 2024 20:58:

i dont have these struggles, i also dont go dipping, skinny or not. And maybe i will, Ive asked worse questions. 

redfaced wrote on 10 Jan 2024 19:41:

Dear Cande, please see the above. I've given you a suggested way of writing so that you don't come across as offensive to some. Your point is that you think he should avoid the mikva, and you have valid point for him to consider, but you can write it a little differently, and skip the response to redfaced. 
Keep k'nocking!

cande wrote on 10 Jan 2024 20:25:

WOW, that's nice of you, and I apologize for my previous response; it was before I saw this one.

cande wrote on 10 Jan 2024 20:06:

All I was saying was relax - not that youre wrong 

When you're in a strip club you should take you're glasses off - same as in a mikveh

With the lshem yichud

cordnoy wrote on 10 Jan 2024 20:40:

I chuckled too, since it was funny( even funnier because I had to check twice to see that it wasnt you who was posting -I mean, cande? who'da thunk) But, as mentioned many times times here there are new people who post here who disappear after a post taht is worded too sharply.

I shudder to think what would have happened had  CO gotten scared off after he got his pajama wearin'  basement sittin' drasha givin' honesty smashin' welcome. lots of people would have lost out on a valuable source of chizzuk.
There is a right way how to respond and multiple wrong way .

People who have SSA challenges need a lot of sensitivity, and even more so from people who aren't facing these challenges. They are generally misunderstood and to some extent they are dismissed and mistreated by many people, albeit sometimes unintentionally. People on GYE who have SSA want to be good and they are sometimes fighting a lone war. Even things that aren't offensive to the rest of us would often be extremely offensive to someone struggling with SSA. People who try to legitimize SSA have to be dealt with differently and our objective regarding them is to discern right from wrong but people who want to be better and are struggling need the approach I mentioned. It was nice that this was picked up by CO and others.

cordnoy wrote on 10 Jan 2024 20:40:

@cordnoy
seems you havent been there since inflation.
keep it up!

on a more serious note, at age should i let my kids start going to mikva?
P.S. most of my sexual abuse went down in the mikva!