I think the title sorta says it all

Having first discovered gye prior to it's first incarnation...

shipping off to yeshiva in ארץ ישראל with a pre-publication version of the handbook, and coming clean for over half a year....

struggling as a newlywed אברך how to both HAVE lust and attraction, but not go haywire with it...

ups and downs throughout the marriage, and eventually upping the dosage to SA 12 step groups...

toning it down sporadic mast*** and seasonal binges of porn....

and simple living with it, not letting it ruin my life, not crossing any new red lines, but not forever missing out on the benefits of being RID OF IT...

so i got filters on everything, webchaver too, any i go the extra mile to avoid UNFILTERED when visiting family (i work i occasionally have, but don't missuse it)   but absolutely NOTHING compares to logging in after 3.5 years and seeing ppl that have gone THOUSANDS of days without הוצעת זרע לבטלה!!!!

how do you guys do it?   where can i send my name and kvittel?   why don't i finally jump aboard myself?!?!?!

1-12steps wrote on 01 Jan 2024 09:00:

Welcome back!

Jump aboard!

Grant400 wrote on 01 Jan 2024 12:44:

Welcome back for both of you!

Better late than never!

Why do you want to get rid of your unwanted behavior?

As we say in Hebrew חחחחחחח

Wasted time, missed work deadlines, lost sleep,  lost spiritual growth, guilt, גיהנום, and then there are those weekends that friday and shabbat both get blown on one long binge of mast***

Rid of mast*** or porn (don't have any regularly available anyway) i would be a much accomplished wellrested and wholesome person. 

As an aside.... Anything i would be devistated do discover my kids are doing... Obviously negates my ETHICAL VALUES no matter how tempting it might be.

PS.   Been to phycologist for a very substantial period of time, been evaluated way to many times by too many seasoned professionals, and NO I AM NOT "ADDICTED" to porn/mast*** or s**.    Call it "recreational" use of something destructive

1-12steps wrote on 01 Jan 2024 09:00:

kol hakovod to you for keeping up the fight even after years of falls and struggling!
My advice to you would be to first focus on how far you have come in your own life, count the number of times you picked yourself up after a fall, how many times have you stopped yourself from acting out despite the massive urge and desire to. I would say this battle is not about streaks and amount of days clean, that is just a number to keep one motivated, what the battle is about, is continuously fighting and moving forward no matter how hard you fell, and to be reminded of and to try to stay close to your vision and goals, to why do you want to fight this battle comparing yourself to someones else's thousands days is like looking at another guy learning for 4 hours in the beis medrash when you can barely learn for 20 minutes without getting up, do you know what he has going for him in his life? do you know his struggles? no. all you see is one aspect of his life in front of you and your imposing that on you, its counterproductive, and just makes you feel bad about yourself that your not him, but hashem doesn't want you to be him, hashem wants you to be you with your massive struggles and negative thought process, the streaks are just meant to keep people aware of how much they accomplished, not to impose as a universal expectation and standard for everyone to be there.
to be honest I'm also part of the group that doesn't have thousands of days, and i would say probably most users on GYE don't either have, and that's what were here for to grow and push ourselves harder and together despite the massive challenges we face constantly, I'm  curious to hear what other users have to say on this?

@1-12steps keep up the great work and know that we are here rooting for you, no matter how many days you have!!

You Left me speachless....

I AM THAT GUY that learn 4-5 hrs straight, even though i got only one seder a week. Dragging myself to th beis medrash each time from scratch, after yet another week of nothing more ththan an hour a day  to learn

Every word you wrote, is just so true!

"Long live the resistance" even if it will always be only a few weeks at a time between each fall or slip.Better that than using the lack of long term sobriety as an excuse to endlessly act out on lust

wow 7 months....

And here i am, starting gye yet again.     Why do I even bother "leaving", it's not like my s** drive is going anywhere. 

Be"H i'lll be checking in regularly (mybe even daily) and using the forum to STAY CONNECTED and share my little victories.  Like going back to olf habbit of שמירת עיניים.  I used to be great at it, I stopped with it roughly 7.5 years ago.

It's a fine time to post about myself

A weeks ago i got an unsolicited email from GYE. It spoke to me, as if משמים someone up there is watching me and adapted the working specifically for me.

I'm in the stage of not particularly wanting to be entirely rid of lust, but i do agree that STRATEGICLY it's wasting alot of valuable time (and sleep) and i'd be "10 times the man" i am, if i could magicly be 'rid' of all lust.

If castration where halachically permitted, i would have gone for it LONG AGO.  I did my minimum quota of kids, and hey it would make marrige tricky, but hell..... I don't have much to look forward to anyway as far as marriage is concerned anytime during the next 10 years. And after that i plan to "retire" to some yeshiva or kollel and cheat the system by simply living poor learning all day (instead of remarrying and having to support a family).          BUT there's no easy ways out of this. GYE works, SA also works but is tedious and timely and not absolutely necessary for my case.

Always looking for a quick fix, i found a few hypnosis sessions to help tone down masturbation and porn, they definitely help to some extent.

But always looking to make me fall, that IS his job discription, the yetzer hara found NEW AND IMPROVED nisyonos for me.

one thing is for sure, it's extremely encouraging to read-up on the forum about other peaple working so hard to keep 100% sober. And while the endless obsession ABOUT LUST sorta feeds the problem, their endless devotion is a source of inspiration for me, to take the minimal steps needed to stay out of trouble and keeps my hands off my....

only 2 days into my summer vacation, and i already got fed-up enough with "alternative lifestyle" i was trying to enjoy/live.

erased all unnecessary whatsapp groups (all kosher),  downscaled my distractions, and staring to focus in MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF MYSELF. 

Update?

Baruch Hashem i simply cannot remember how many consecutive weeks have passed without any masturbation (or porn etc.). Life is more or less a routine, been listening to really good chizuk shiurim from הרב אפרייף ווקסמן שליט"א and IMPLEMENTING. Yomim Noraim somehow made this all even easier with an enhanced קשר to hashem....

but in less than 24hrs i'm going to be spending at least 1.5 weekdays with open and unfiltered internet.    Not good...   My chances of not downloading porn or saving url for "future reference" are very slim.... unless i have a real and tangible cause להקדיש the zechuyot for

I would greatly anyone reaching out to me with a name פלוני/ת בן/בת פלונית and their heartrenching plight that needs a ישועה. Not only has this helped me in the past, but the zechus is truly theirs. because my chances of pulling through without A CAUSE worth the 1.5 days of agony....  are "very slim".

My friend, you can email me for names. But the trith is, open your eyes to how many tzaros there are. How many yidden cry themselves to sleep every night! Oy, Hashem, please take us all out of this bitter galus!

thanks for all the names sent by PM (they are forwarded instantly to my email, and available on my phone even without signing into the forum).

It's to "abstract" to connect to the plight of "everyone", having a specific cause, and feeling their pain, puts ME in a state that lust is impossible. 

For those who have experienced it through the 12 step program, כניעה or surrender....     instantly defeats AND URGE.    

For those who connect to torah sources רבינו בחיי בספרו כד הקמח - ערך 'הכנעה   

worked like a charm, untill yomtom came-out.   then G-d has his plan, and made me fall start "Earning" the lofty spiritual level that he gave me these last 2 months almost as a free-bee.