crispy wrote on 29 Oct 2023 19:25:

Wow.

 I started talking to Hashem, telling Hashem I see that I can't carry this myself. I am throwing it on to you. I acknowledge that it is not in my control. 

This was essentially the tefillah that i said last yom kippur by neilah (along with the tears as well) and now after struggling for almost 40 years I am almost at 250 days! I can promise you that it does get easier but still need to make sure not to let down your guard.  All the best and continued hatzlachah!!

My dear friend, Crispy, your post is beautiful. If I may point out, you truly don't have to go it alone. We are all here  for you! keep it up, my special friend!

crispy wrote on 27 Oct 2023 17:33:

Hey! We haven't heard an update in a few days after that beautiful connection to Hashem - so I'm guessing that perhaps it's calm seas again.
I also struggle with what to post on days when I don't have anything seemingly post-worthy to share.
I have two suggestions that I have found help me:
First, you can join us in reading two pages a day of The Battle of the Generation - it's thought-provoking and there's often interesting ideas and perspectives that you can write about in your thread.
Besides for having what to write about, the book is a tremendous help in having a positive outlook on yourself despite your falls and to really appreciate how incredible your progress is in this area.
The thread for the two pages a day started the book last week, you can find it here:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/396412-Daily-Dose-of-The-Battle-of-the-Generation?limit=15&start=165

Second, I would suggest writing in on the forum on someone else's thread to be mechazek them. We are all in this together!
Being mechazek others by being nosei b'ol and sharing your own experience is a tremendous help for the person who you reached out to.
Additionally, it is a huge help for yourself - connection is the antithesis of addiction - by connecting to others you are arming yourself against the powerful waves that are up ahead.
I'm actually in the same boat as you on my sixth clean day trying to stay connected here even though I don't have that much to write about - so I figured "Hey! Let me write something to crispy - he's a good guy!"

Hope those ideas help!!!

HeChochma wrote on 02 Nov 2023 03:14:

Just to add a point to what you said so beautifully, when you are giving chizuk to someone else more than just the connection you are also saying things that you should be listening to yourself. At least for myself I know that it has happened more than once that something was bothering me very much , And yet I was still able to give chizuk to other people that were in the same situation. Kinda a blind spot towards giving chizuk to yourself.

The more you give give chizuk to others you reinforce proper attitudes in your own head

I am b''h now at a 18 day strike now, what a gift from hashem!
things start to feel a little more easy on me, the urge surfing tool is a huge chizuck for me.
( and btw it does not make any sense to me why this should help-and every time at the beginning it feels like its getting worse but then the urge is mysteriously gone)
I am praying to hashem he should help me remember that i still need him to rescue me every day, and i should not fall back in to the cycle of feeling proud which usually leads to a massive fall.
thanks for all words of kindness u are all giving my so much strength.

Thanks for the update - we've been thinking about you!
Keep up your fight and keep up the awesome work!

Was on the edge several times, but b"h cant call for any fall.
I used to feel guilty when I started falling and then stopped, for example, when I started a phone conversation with a shiksa and then put it down before anything happened. But b"h, Hashem gave me the seichel to understand that he is even more proud of me in such moments, which prevents me from falling into a bad cycle when such a scenario occurs.

Kudos for you, Hashem indeed is very proud of you, Its unbelievably hard to stop in the middle and that you did it shows tremendous strength.

Do you have a strategy that will keep you one step away from this? Sometimes showing hashem that you cant trust yourself and therefore making a geder can require even more strength and will make hashem even more proud, and you will also have more siyata dishmaya because haba litaheir... Keep on stretching your muscles and testing your strength, they will become stronger than you can imagine!

Wishing you lots of hatzlacha on your ongoing journey to freedom.
True self

true_self wrote on 19 Nov 2023 19:51:

crispy wrote on 19 Nov 2023 20:36:

I am not sure I know what you mean by that. I would love to have more of a clear plan.
as of now i try to keep myself away from the garbage, and when i face an urge i try to do urge surfing.Is there any idea what other geder i can make?Of course I am not approving of myself making those phone calls and I try to take on myself not to start. I was just talking about when it happened already.

Maybe having an accountability partner can help. Maybe you can make some friends here that you can call in time of need. Maybe a taphsic kabbala. Just suggestions...

I wwwwiiisshhh i would have the strength  to talk to someone. right now i cant see myself doing that.
can u pls explain what means taphsik?

crispy wrote on 19 Nov 2023 20:41:

I don't know how these calls work, but is it possible to delete/block contacts?

true_self wrote on 20 Nov 2023 21:13:

I am unaware of any way to block a number from being called. And anyway I can always unblock them.
If anyone knows how I can do something of this nature, it would be a huge help.