b''h clean for tow days.
I am thinking to myself that the reason its so hard for me to stand up from a fall is because i expect from myself that "I" should do this.
instead i need to give it all over to hashem like the SA chevra do. ( although i still think that i am not an addict, and in fact this is mostly in my control, but the baggage of putting this all on myself is having a negative effect on me.)

Hashem Help Me wrote on 13 Oct 2023 11:00:

wow! this vort is a huge chizuk for me thank so much.

See the aderes eliyahu as well….

I did last night for the first time the "urge surfing" thing. It actually felt like it was intensifying the urge.I thought that its going t end really bad, but I must say it really works. I guess it takes you away from being in it, to observing it from outside. It worked! literally in 6/7  minutes the urge was gone.
wow! thank u hashem!

fallan again!  

What were things like between your last post and this one? 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 26 Oct 2023 17:04:

smooth

The ocean was calm, but then a massive wave came and swept me away.

crispy wrote on 26 Oct 2023 20:10:

There is something to be said about the calm before the storm
'Twould be a good time to batten down the hatches, Stow the sails & otherwise prepare smarts

redfaced wrote on 26 Oct 2023 22:49:

Meaning - it is a good idea when the seas are calm to post here anyway and to be in touch with fellow sailors.

right! so true! i'd love to. but what should i post about at times when  I don't have anything specific to share?

crispy wrote on 27 Oct 2023 17:33:

You can write things like this for example:

Good News everyone: I would like to say something deep and pithy today however my usual wit has deserted me so I’m just going to say things are doing ok today not necessarily better than yesterday but definitely different today.

something Like that or whatever else falls into your head that you would like to share

foolie wrote on 27 Oct 2023 18:01:

haha! but sadly i am not so creative and am not such a good writer

First, I want to thank Hashem for the tremendous gift of two clean days. And I beg him for many more.
I would also like to share my feelings for the last few days.
On Friday, I was utterly depressed, so much so that my wife asked me 
why I was sad. I walked around with a heavy bag on my shoulder, feeling like a loser, feeling evil and awful. I didn't focus on anything; the day went by in a cloud. I went to shul Friday night while still in the same state of mind. I barely said the words of kabulos shabbos. 
In the middle of my way home from shull, I stopped at a side between some trees and started to cry. I started talking to Hashem, telling Hashem I see that I can't carry this myself. I am throwing it on to you. I acknowledge that it is not in my control. And beg for your mercy. I also let out to Hashem exactly how I was feeling. I shared everything with my dear father. I stayed in that spot for about 10 min, and after that, I felt a tremendous ease. I kind of knew that now would be good. 
I am realizing more and more that the more I take this on myself, the harder it just gets harder. Its time for me to realize that we are in Hashem's hands. why? we dont understand the cheshbon of the ribono shel olam.

HUG!!!