I am writing this with tears in my eyes. I do not know where to start, and frankly, my English is not the greatest. I am having trouble believing that I am here- I would never post something so personal on a public forum (and what is a good guy like me doing on GYE?)- but I believe this is for my best so here it goes!

I guess I would like to share my story and hear if anyone has any advice. Sorry for the long post  

I was always a curious person since I was young. I remember beginning my journey with p and m, which began probably 12 years ago. Although I have never watched pornography, I have always struggled with reading sexually charged literature. I guess I justify that it is not really pornography...but it slowly developed into an addiction. Over time, it came to the point when I have been searching the internet and looking at not tznius things. I still do not watch pornography, but I believe I have a lust addiction, specifically to reading sexually charged material and purposely going on websites with not tznius pictures on them. I see my lusting progressing, and I am terrified that real pornography is the next step, and I am jumping into GYE now to stop the behavior before it gets worse. I have tried to stop for about a year and a half already, and once did 90 days free of lust but I fell a few days later. This summer I decided I am going to really begin to stop it once and for all! I have extra time, and I hope to successfully complete the Flight to Freedom program and develop a solid flight plan to begin my journey to kedusha. I was mikabel that even if I die as an addict, after 120 I will look at Hashem and say I did not die without giving it the best fight I have! And I hope Hashem is reading this post, knowing how hard it is for me to write, and crying tears of love and yearning for my neshoma.

This struggle for so long has gotten to me, and any chizuk or advice is appreciated.

Just a question for the forum- I noticed that my two triggers are stress and boredom. When I am bored I randomly search things online, which usually leads to seeing inappropriate photos or videos. Sometimes the online searching is without conscious awareness (if you get what I mean). Does anyone have a strategy for how to stop this searching before it takes a turn for the worst?

Thank you tzadikim! I am jealous of each and every one of you and I hope one day to look at future GYE participants and say you can do it too because I did it!

Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha!   Of course Hashem sees what you write on the forum, but more importantly He knows what is written on your heart.

Boredom is one of the major triggers - you are in very good company. Keep writing, stay connected, and b'ezras Hashem you will get out of this mess. There are many outstretched arms waiting to assist as long as you remain for the ride...

Wow, its amazing that you're taking this on now! Looking forward to hearing more!

I am sorry that you are writing with tears in your eyes. The truth is that you have no idea how much nachas you are bringing to the rbs'o.  The effort that you are putting in to fight this is inspiring.  

I strongly recommend that you read the book the Battle of the Generation.  The perspective you can gain from reading that book can change this from a losing battle to one of strength and accomplishment.  Please reach out via pm or email if you would like me to get you a copy.  

It may be helpful to create a list of things to do when you are bored and refer to it.  I would recommend never searching the web unless you have a specific purpose. 

It took me three decades of falling deeper and deeper until i became determined to break free with hashem's help.  I have no doubt that you can do so as well.  Please don't hesitate to reach out if can be further helpful.

best wishes
vehkam

Hi and welcome tzadik!

Here are some points that can be very helpful.
The first things is to plan Ahead - Be proactive. As they say, "If you fail to plan - you plan to fail". The yetzer horah rarely tries to fight us when were doing well, he looks for opportunities when we're down and out or caught off guard. When were tired, moody or stressed....

If we're proactive, most of the time we can anticipate ahead of time that we're about to be in a vulnerable spot. If you know that when you're tired you're vulnerable, then if you come home from a chasunah at 2am don't just go to sleep and hope for the best tomorrow! Call your GYE chaver, text him, make a short term TaPHSiC shvuah, or do whatever else works for you.

2- Don't become complacent; "I'm already in a good place I don't need to be vigilant anymore". COMPLACENCY IS THE BEGINNING OF YOUR LAST CLEAN DAY. While this day can sometimes last a while, if we're complacent, it's just a matter of time before we get caught off guard.

3- Take the journey one day at a time. Over these past thousand days I've had times of sheer elation, times of utter frustration and times of vulnerability when I thought that this all my success might evaporate. Buckle up and get ready for the journey of a lifetime!

Welcome! The tears in your eyes are powerful and beautiful and are opening up new doors for you! The fact that you are here is testament to your desire and will to rise up and overcome these Nisyonos. And you CAN! With help from the Rebono Shel Olam, freedom is within your grasp . There are many special people here who can help guide you, it’s less lonely being in this battle with friends. Stay in touch. Chazak Viamatz!!

Welcome! I admire your bravery in overcoming the difficulty to post. We look forward to hearing more from you.
As Vehkam said, check out The Battle of the Generation. (See the link below in my signature. From there you can download it free, and there also is a link to buy it on amazon for around $10.) It's a real game-changer.
Also if audio is more your thing, check out The Fight by Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier. (Link is also below.)

My dear friend, you have some very special people welcoming you here. And you should definitely heed their advice.

I just want to give you two resources that have helped me tremendously. They're chrome extensions:

1. Wizmage Image Blocker
2. Ad Blocker

Often, seeing one image that you did not intend to see, will send you down a rabbit hole that is much harder to extricate yourself out of.

It sounds like you know yourself very well, which is a huge step in the right direction. Hatzlacha!

Welcome!

I find it refreshing and impressive that you understand that lust obsession doesn't need to be pornography. That's usually a stage in the denial process. In essence there is no difference between how we get our fix.

Boredom and stress. Bingo. Same here. You will need to learn how to detect when these feelings begin to set in before things spiral.

Oh yeah, and get a filter. Problem solved!

Wishing you success! 

Wow! I am in awe of all of you! I cannot tell each and every one of you what your reply means to me. I probably have read each one of your replies about four times, and I really thank each of you for replying to me and caring. I was very nervous to post, and I am most thankful that I did. The biggest takeaway I took from all of your responses was that it may take a while, and a lot of patience and trying (with ups and downs) but...

I CAN DO THIS!!!

Thank you all. I look at the number of clean streaks that you have and I am jealous- but I know that will be me one day!
Thank you for all the love, support, and personal advice! Not that I am so interesting, but feel free to follow my journey (I hope to keep on posting now!) and keep in touch because I know I cannot do it without all of you!

I GOT THIS!!!

remaininganonymous26 wrote on 13 Jul 2023 00:47:

You are interesting
[but I also had (have) that feeling of "will people have any interest in reading what I write?" So I wrote for myself, you can too]

Bennyh wrote on 12 Jul 2023 21:51:

Thanks for the Eitza BennyH, I installed the ad blocker- what a mechaye

remaininganonymous26 wrote:

You are a good guy because you are making an effort to change by coming on to GYE

it is a מעלה not a חיסרון

RemainingA26, you have just joined the most amazing family out there! We are here for each other, we want to hear from you, we care about you, and yes, no doubt you can get past all these issues! Keep posting and sharing, learn the ropes, there's a lot to learn but you can do it all!
There are a lot of good ideas in the posts above, I'll just write that I know exactly what you mean with almost subconscious searching, and that's what I have a filter for. A filter is not THE solution to our issues, hard work is. But a filter is a must. It stops the subconscious searching, it makes the lusting searching take a little longer giving us time to catch ourselves, and for tech-am-haaratzim like me it actually makes it almost impossible to find anything inappropriate
About what's a good guy like you doing here? Maybe to inspire me....
Keep trucking and let us know about it, my friend!

Thank you all for the wonderful chizuk. I can- and I will- get myself out of this mess. 
There have been two things on my mind today, and I would like to throw them to this choshuve chevra to hear what you all have to say.
First, this is not my first time trying to stop. I have been on GYE for about a year and a half but I was always halfhearted, mainly just tracking my streaks, kind of doing the flight to freedom and occasionally glancing at the forum (without posting). I have always had a good filter, but I never did the personal work which is so necessary. This time I would consider myself fully invested. I noticed most of my streaks in the past were because I was motivated only in the moment- so it lasted 2-3 weeks and then I fell (I think the flight to freedom calls this the pink cloud- short bursts of motivation which soon wanes). How can I avoid that and keep this a serious, longer-lasting journey to 90 days and beyond?
Also, I have been successful for the past few days...and it was really hard! I was wondering will I ever be "normal" again? Will there ever come a time that I no longer need GYE on a daily basis, and I can go through my life without a tremendous challenge multiple times daily? When does it get easier?
Thank you all again for listening, caring, and for sharing your wonderful advice!