Hi guys, I’m new here. I tried this months ago and it didn’t work out that well for me, but I’ve grown and come to a place of more healing and growth now, that I can join properly.
I am a yungerman, happily married. I am considered a very very strong learner, I daven well, am considered all around a shining star in the “Yeshiva” world. 
i have been struggling with p&m for many years now and I’ve gotten to feel so sad that I just can’t continue living like this. I am hoping to gain clarity and healing through this platform of like minded individuals who share my struggles.

Welcome! Come say hi in The Balei Battim's forum too.

Welcome! There are many like you here; this struggle does not only affect lowlifes or perverts. I hope you find friends here, I have and its been a major help to me. Feel free to reach out

Welcome, looking forward to tracking your progress~

Welcome, looking forward to tracking your progress!

Welcome aboard! From you short introduction, you sound like a good fellow. Please join us here and on the BB forum.

Welcome! Good to have you here! This is a struggle that is common nowadays, even among great learners. Kudos for taking this step in your journey to success.

You might want to try thinking about your last three falls:
--What led up to them or caused them?
--What way did you fall, and what did you use to fall (if it was a device, etc.)?
--And is there any lesson you can learn from them to prevent them or to safeguard yourself? Or to be prepared before you are in a similar situation so you will be on guard and not asleep to the challenge that might come.
These are some things to think about. (No need to post your answers if you are not comfortable or if they might be triggering to others. But if you post the lessons you learned, others might be able to learn something from them as well.)

Also, to keep your motivation up it's a good idea to read from something motivating every day. I highly recommend The Battle of the Generation. It's a real game-changer. See the link below in my signature.

shmira101 wrote on 03 Jul 2023 21:51:

Welcome. I got emotional reading this. I relate to everything you wrote, on a personal level.
You are in the right place. You can learn to become completely free, with Siyata Dishmaya.
There are doors open to you, hope, paths forward to true Tahara.
I joined not long ago. It's a lot less lonely facing this battle together with Chaveirim who understand, and there are special people here who can really help.
Stick around, stay in touch. Chazak ViAmatz! 

Hi guys, I’m new here. I tried this months ago and it didn’t work out that well for me, but I’ve grown and come to a place of more healing and growth now, that I can join properly.

I am a yungerman, happily married. I am considered a very very strong learner, I daven well, am considered all around a shining star in the “Yeshiva” world. 

i have been struggling with p&m for many years now and I’ve gotten to feel so sad that I just can’t continue living like this. I am hoping to gain clarity and healing through this platform of like minded individuals who share my struggles.




Welcome.  As everyone has mentioned you are in good company here. It may sound counterintuitive  but You have the opportunity to become great specifically because of your struggles.  Please continue to engage here.  Feel free to reach out to me anytime via pm or email.  



best wishes for continued hatzlocha 

vehkam

If I may, if this relates to you personally, what was the most helpful part in this ongoing journey? The plans and programs towards freedom, the camaraderie, the forums or just the whole and each part adding strength in the big picture?

shmira101 wrote on 05 Jul 2023 05:45:

I may respond to some of this in a private message to you, but I will put some of this out here, as it can help others, as well.
The specific aspects that can be helpful to you will depend on the details of your particular challenges, where you need help. There are many tools here, and different people take advantage of different aspects. 

For me it is a combination of a few things:
Knowing there are other like me: Serious, growing Bnei Torah who have also been struggling for years, a silent shriek of pain marring the joy of all our true accomplishments, the sadness that permeated my essence at times.... Knowing that true Tahara can actually be acheived (and being hit by a red surge of blinding Kinas Sofrim towards the guys who hit 800+ days, after posting about their struggles and fails over many years)..... Talking to people about what works for them.... gaining genuine insight into the challenges that I face, into the causes of where the problems may be coming from, learning helpful methods to deal with difficulties. Making friends with special people here, people I can talk to and grow with. Was so lonely dealing with this all on my own, [though I was never really alone, always had HKBH]. Counting each day, developing an awareness of the appreciation for each accomplishment, developing the belief I can do this, with (and only with) the Chessed and Rachamim of Hakdosh Boruch Hu. 

Most of all, the experience of meeting and staying in touch with the special person here who has changed my life....   It's Kidai, let me tell you. 

Oh, it's good to experience the joy of discovering an open path, where I thought was only a dull brick wall. You can too, my friend. Chazak Viamatz!

Welcome, my friend! I would just repeat every word Reb Chaim has said. I relate to every word that you and he, a dear friend that would be worth your while getting to know, have said. My friend, as a serious ban Torah you have so much power within you to fight this and succeed. And now that you are here, you will see that with your efforts you will start soaring shortly! Keep sharing and keep trucking!

Dear fellow GYE Members,
I want to share something that will hopefully provoke some thought with the deep and wonderful community here. 

“Potential”, a word used to describe many situations and people. “He has the potential to be great in xyz…”, “great potential to make money”, “potential for growth”. We see it all the time. It means the ability to strive and attain. It is by definition limitless. We are all told in so many ways that we have the potential to overcome this or that, to achieve that goal, to attain that reward. It’s what makes us human, צלם אלוקים, the ability to grow from עייר פרא אדם יולד, to אלוקים עשה את האדם ישר. It’s the belief in oneself stemming from self awareness and surrounding. (To quote The famous “Zog” from Reb Yisroel Salanter, “Oy to someone who doesn’t know his Shortcomings, but Oy Voy Vey to someone who doesn’t know his greatness”.) It is dependent on one’s own internal development. 

We can only grow, not fall, because the amount of growth pales all possible failure. Failure has no potential, it will have to stop somewhere, there is a clear end game. Growth has no end, even the Greatest of man felt he had more potential, ואתחנן אל ה׳… אתה החילות להראות את עבדך את גדלך… “You started to show me Your Greatness” and still אעברה בארצך… I want more, I can have more, I still have potential for growth. The more recognition of potential and striving towards it, pushes the envelope forward, it creates more potential. (Look at the Ramban in Vaeira beginning of the Akaidah where he explains this at length.) The bigger the fight the bigger potential for greatness, is not only because of ״כל הגדול מחבירו״, but also because as long as it is a fight, even with a failure, the awareness of growth remains, and it creates even more space of growth. 

This may also be why each day the Y”H needs to bring a new development, because even with a failure, yesterday’s trick won’t work, “I have fallen, I have risen, and I shall conquer”. As long as we remain in the battle, we are growing.

I hope this makes sense to my fellow  brothers in arms. I would appreciate any clarity of description, and feedback. 

Hi, my friend. I learned a lot from the last massive post from HHM in the BB forum. And Reb Chaim with the lichtige Oigen pointed out such a good point. Let's talk about the practical. In the practical, you, and I, and all of us here and all the people out there can be a lot better than we are. We have a lot to discover about ourselves. That should not make us feel down, thinking that we have so much to do, nor should it make us feel accomplished, because we have not accomplished it yet. It should make us feel full of energy and simcha that we were given the role and the tools for greatness.
Now let's get crackin'!

Hey! you stole my life story!
This sounds exactly like me!!
​maybe not a "star" but definitely close.

it is SOO painful to live this double life of really shtark Yungerman who people look up to,
but on the inside knowing what we've seen and what we've done....
I understand your pain. WE ALL understand your pain.
lets start with a hug from all of us. we're here along with you. 
climbing out of the same trenches. cheering each other along.

I am almost 230 days clean! 
thanks to the knowledge that my brothers in arms are with me.
and to the extremely valuable Hadracha and Chizuk of Rebi Moiri, HashemHelpMe!!
(he's definitely someone you want to speak to)

we gatchu and you gat this!!