Hey everyone, I've had a problem for quite some time and I'm really looking to change because I've been trying to get rid of it for a long time but now I'm trying because I will be going on shidduchim soon
One of my problems is im good with tech so I always find a way around a filter but i can't get rid of my devices because i need it for work
really just coming here to introduce myself however if someone has some advice for that please let me know

lrose wrote on 30 Jun 2023 03:50:

Welcome!

You've come to the right place, because although filters are important and can be vital, that is not the way to solve a chronic lust issue.

Stick around and you can learn how to win the fight without running away.

Welcome! You will find friends here to learn from on your journey. I joined on recently, this battle is far less lonely than it once was, and there are new horizons open.  Chazak Vamatz!!

You can become completely clean. But it's important to know a few things. Why do you want to change, for real this time? You need to take a good look at your previous patterns and triggers of falls. What's going to be different this time. Realize if you'dve had a problem for a long time, rewiring your brain entirely will take a lot of work. You are undoing decades of damage. The good news is that it is 100 percent possible! All the work and change can be done, with amazing success! The right time is now -  motivation and awareness and the desire to be free for good. You are in a great place! You can do it , and start a new chapter in life!

Filters are important. But they are not the solution if the problem is inside of the person, not the device, as it often is. Removing a Michshol goes a long way, but doesn't remove the part of the person that sometimes drives him to look for the Michshol..... 

Read the stories on this site. There is unbelivable inspiration here [I have personally read Vehkam's thread a few times from beginning to end. Makes me cry and hope each time.]
An accountability partner and mentor can make all the difference.

If you want Tahara, and you know why, and ask Hashem for Siyata Dishmaya, you will rise, soaring, to clarity, life, and joy. 
And we'll be with you on your journey.

Welcome! Looking forward to hearing more from you!

Good for u for trying to quit while you're ahead,
U are in a better place than Many, as you are not letting these issues get to you after marriage,

I messed up. BZ'H, I will do better going forward

Welcome to the family, my friend! There are so many things to learn here, so please stick around and you will beH find the tools that will help for you. One of the most powerful things you will learn is the power of sharing, the power of having other people in the struggle with you. Like Markz likes to say, the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection. Stick around and learn how this (sometimes quirky) family functions, and you'll learn a lot. Looking forward to seeing you here!

It is wonderful that you are working on your problem before you get married.

I'm sure I'm not the only one to admit that when I was single, I beleived that my problem would go away once I was married and had access to a real woman.  It's unfortunately not true.

Strong encouragements that you'll beat this and build a Bayis Neeman.

welcome!
maybe try to get a better filter ...
that always would help

I wish it were that easy, I always find a way around it

I have the same issue. Try Flight to Freedom, it will give you real tools to fight, grow, and gradually break free. As an aside I think in many cases of people like us, who are already exposed to pornography, just getting a filter is not the solution, although it is definitely part of it. The main work is on ourselves, not our computers.

Hey everyone i messed up again, i keep messing up after going  a week or so strong, any ideas for getting over the hump? Also everytime either before or during i always think about my emergency plan and have it in the back of my mind but I just push it away and then continue even though i kknow it will help if i just listen to the plan. Any ideas on that? Also if anyone has some hizzuk for me because i kinda just feel like I will just stay in this week cycle for ever (maybe if there someone who continuously kept messing up even after joining and now is on a great path) Please let me know if yall have some help for me, thanks so much

I dont want to belabor the point, but F2F has tools for everything you have mentioned. That would be the best place to start. 

They have the help for forcing myself to actually do their ideas? what category is that under? thank you so much Bright

They deal with the underlying issues, the yiush, the motivation and much more. Just try it. What's the worst that can happen? Also very helpful is finding someone to talk to, try HHM.