Trying99 wrote on 08 Jun 2023 01:08:


Thanks Eerie for putting it so well. That's exactly why I did not respond to the above, even though I had what to say.. wsnt easy 

willdoit wrote on 09 Jun 2023 16:18:

Me too.
Thanks Eerie.

I was thinkin'....

He's takin' his Rabbi's advice and that is perfect by me, as I've said, he should speak to and follow those who know him best.

I had mentioned that my personal feelin's were that somethin' like this should be disclosed, but after some thought, and after readin' some stuff someplace, I began to think that the distinction I was makin' in my mind was a product of my addiction.

Explanation: Those of us with heterosexual addictions, we think that after 30 days of bein' clean, or 90 days, or a year, we can get married and no disclosure is necessary. Really? We are very likely to make our wives miserable, like I did, even if we don't end up actin' on our addictions or desires or cravin's. Is that fair to her? Shouldn't she know beforehand what she's gettin' herself into, and of course, all of the stuff we may do outside of marriage and perhaps even bring diseases into the house.

Then, there can be a fellow who has homosexual tendencies. He has never acted out with another, but those are his feelin's. We jump on him that he should disclose, for the intimacy will be hell for his wife. Really? Dov's wife used to say: You guys make sex into much more than it really is. Here can be a guy who's life is somewhat under control; scantily-clad women don't excite him, newest style shaitels and clothin' worn by all the other wives don't turn him on. Will there be fireworks in the bedroom? probably not. Will his wife be comforted, hugged, loved? Good chance. Will he bother her incessantly about how to dress or undress? Nope. Will the sex be good for her? Very possibly.

Again, I don't know the answer (to the question that this particular fellow never even asked here), but it got me thinkin', and for that I say: Godbless!

cordnoy wrote on 11 Jun 2023 03:54:


That’s clearly not the case for our dear friend who authored this tread.

Am I missing something here?

Hi all hope your all well. I was considering deleting this thread as I think I’ve heard what I needed to hear. However a number of people pm me and thanked me for things I had said and for other things on this forum. I really hope everyone gets the help they need. If anyone wants to pm me feel free. Ps I spent the day in teveria and I davened at reebi meir rebbi akiva and the ramchal. BH I’m in a much better headspace than I was last week. Hatzlocha all. 
ps I’m not a rabbi I can give advice based on the best of my ability, but the best advice I can give you all is to try and strengthen your connection to G-D

Eerie wrote on 09 Jun 2023 15:34:

I haven't been by in a while, but I'd like to add my couple of cents. When I look back at my posts from when I joined, I'm reminded of Country Yossi's song "Somday when You're older and much wiser, You'll realize how much you don't know." Baruch Hashem I continue to grow in prespective with the guidance of the amazing mentors, Rabbeim, and friends I made both on this platform and in real life. This is not to Chas V'shalom put down anyone or their legitimate opinion, but rather to encourage people: If you see something that doesn't seem right to you, especially from an experienced guy on the forum, please don't hesitate to ask.  Like R' Eerie says, no need to hijack the thread (Yes, I know what I'm doing here...), but there's a way to ask. We are all here because we want to grow and become better Oivdei Hashem. If you're not comfortable asking in public, PM. The mentors here have a wealth of experience and have probably forgotten a lot more Toirah then I've learnt. So please, reach out, no need for personal attacks. 1 more post BE"H elsewhere, and then back to hibernation.
In the immortal words of Rabbi Baruch Ber Yoffe in the Yated Shidduch Forum...
Kol Tuv.

Oh wow, look who stopped by! So nice to see you...although by now you are probably back in your cave....

Hi all. It’s been a couple of months since I last posted and I wanted to share a few things. Unfortunately the wedding was called off for unrelated reasons. I’ve been really struggling mentally (suicidal) and I don’t know what to do any more. Been in intense therapy but feel like giving up. I need lots of teffilos.  

Zag xx wrote on 19 Sep 2023 15:28:

I feel your pain. and have no words to add but tefillos.
Thinking of you and wishing you all yeshuos that you need bekarov!!! Enough pain for klal yisroel!
May we only share good news.

Zag xx wrote on 19 Sep 2023 15:28:

My heart breaks for you dear brother

Ki Sorisa wrote on 19 Sep 2023 18:36:

Same. I feel so bad for you! Please dont give up, you are so amazing. From the darkest blackness come the brightest lights!

No words....here is a hug and many tears

The wedding was called off 6 weeks ago. I’ve been processing it. Trying to work through all my childhood memories, I’ve been incredibly angry at everyone including G-D. I know He’s there, but sometimes I’m not sure He cares about me. I seem to have a low self esteem, but we’re busy saying that we’re dust and that our life is a broken shard and a wasted dream. That’s how I feel. However I also wouldn’t be able to commit suicide, as I don’t really wanna come back as a gilgal cat or something, which means I have to play this out. My belief in G-D is too strong for that. A big part of me wants to go back to my old life or sex and drugs. However I’ve been there and it’s a black hole, there’s nothing there. Another part of me wishes to get killed by a terrorist “al kiddush hashem”. The last part of me wants to work through my problems, learn all day start a family and help others. That would be the best choice, but I don’t see a future right now. I have no motivation for anything right now, even my learning. I think I’ve been spending on average about 6 hours a day on my phone. I can’t sleep, I have no energy, my brain doesn’t work. I don’t know what to do. Hashem where are you. Please

Feel your pain. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and though you cant feel it GD is truly with you. Its very very normal to have no motivation, maybe take a nice vacation, relaxation, whatever works. Its a very difficult situation to be in, please give yourself space to heal and grow. That is what is your obligation to yourself now. You will IYH get back to feeling normal, but if someone cv got run over by a truck would you expect him to get up a couple weeks later? You got run over by an emotional tank. Heal, my friend, heal.

I can only echo what has been said, I have no words. Only tears and Tefillos. May Hashem help lift you up and may He grant you only much Mazel and Brocho and Simcha. Thinking of you.