Hi everyone,

I would like to introduce myself, my name is alter, (I am not so old), and the main reason why i joined GYE is because i want to hold myself back from looking at women and visiting websites with adult images and content.

B"H, i never did P&M, (I know that this is a big thing), but i still feel that i can use some chizuck and guidance from all the special people here.


I have more to say, but enough for now.
(The only way i see me being active and post, is if people engage and there is discussions, so please reply and let's get the conversation going)

Hi, welcome to the forum! it's amazing that you're taking the initiative to hold yourself back! I was wondering, though, what was the inspiration for you to start? I hope you have Hatzlacha, it's a big chizuk to me to hear about someone like you! Thank you so much! Reach out to me if you need anything, I'd love to help!

Hey, welcome to the family! Although you are definitely on a better starting point then I, it's beautiful to see people looking to keep shteiging, and people that have never P or M'd! That's incredible! דגול מרבבה! You are one out of many many thousands! Make sure you keep it that way:) Keep sharing, my friend

Hi there great to have you here. It is important to recognize that working on areas in which you are challenged is the best way to catapult yourself to growth. Every time you turn away, You are not merely maintaining kedusha you are actively growing and heading towards greatness.

Welcome aboard. There’s a lot of greatness in the ones that are on here, and now we have another! Hatzlacha, as Eerie said better starting point than I as well, it’s still very exciting to see you want to achieve as much as you can- very inspirational!!

Welcome on board, you can definitely receive a lot of help here, however at the same time if you don't struggle at all with p & m then you may end up being "exposed/influenced" from things us guys write here.... I suggest in your situation a partner and webchaver and reading books in the library section or watching gye vids will help you a lot.

Welcome, R' Altar. It's always nice to have someone new join the chaburah here. One thing that you'll notice here is that although everyone may have a different struggle and may be holding in a different place, we are all working to become better and we are all here for each other. So thanks for sharing and keep posting. And feel free to reach out. All the best.

Thanks to everyone for welcoming me and giving me the push to continue what i am doing.



@excellence you are saying a very important point, and i am not sure what to do about it.

one of my main triggers is that i am very curious, i always want to know what each s* terms means and what it is, and things like that.



Is there any kosher website or materials that explains those things?

Or, i should work on myself to not have to know everything?



What other chizuk or ideas do you have?

 

I also realized that when i am stressed out from my job, or when finances are not so good, then i am much more inclined to fall.

alter7 wrote on 23 Apr 2023 17:39:

If I may suggest, reach out to a trusted friend, maybe a new one from GYE, and ask away. There is nothing wrong with learning, but if you do it in a secretive way, trying to figure it out, than it will feed into your wrong desires. And Excellence has an excellent point. Since you are in a wonderful place, perhaps the forum will be an exposure to ideas that you didn't have to know. One last point, curiosity is not always a good thing

alter7 wrote on 23 Apr 2023 17:39:

Welcome!

I also am a curious person, about most things. I also fall under the guise of "I'm just curious". Whether it's a term, a video headline or a documentary about a sexual topic etc...

After digging deep I've realized that it's not curiousity prompting me to click on it, but rather it's LUST!

It may be hard to admit, or even take time to reach that recognition. But I sincerely believe that with honesty you will come to realize that you aren't really as curious to know what a term means as much as you'd like to fantasize or watch what it means.

Continue to work on your overall lust, everything else is just an offshoot or excuse.

Maybe you are right, I will need to think about it.





The main problem is that i didn't got any normal education on this topic, and i do want to have a better sexual life with my wife, so where should i go?

alter7 wrote on 21 Apr 2023 15:40:

Hi, Welcome.
I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking. Where are the thoughts in your head directed to most of the day?

Welcome R' alter,
I too, am a very curious guy. 

Gye forums are very open and if you say that you never P&M, so first, I think you are a Tzadik, and I also hope that exposing yourself wont make you even more curious.
Not that if you did p&m, you are not a tzadik, just you might be a bigger tzadik than those who did p&m.
To the point, on gye you wont get any education about better sex, a ruv or a madrich will do a better job.

Be honest and I am sure you will find people who share you struggle.
You can enter Gye libery guardyoureyes.com/articles/featured/category/features 

Dear Alter,

Many of us here, inc myself are very curious.... its normal, we don't gain much from this sort of knowledge, however your fully entitled to calm that curiosity by asking the right person, rather than browsing... The only knowledge that really nags at me is understanding all the different terms used in chazal and I don't see anything wrong in clarifying that. U can post here that you have unanswered questions and I'm sure friends will reach out to you, to calm your curiosity in a clean and healthy manner.