I haven't been on the forum recently (been very busy with work), but I have a few minutes and I just had to check in with you. Happy to see your streak is going strong. Keep it up!
Also, good luck with Shidduchim! Keep us posted with that as well.

Day 30 (from yesterday).

Sort of half glad I didn't get to post last night now that everything came in. First thing, I had a date yesterday afternoon, so I picked up some stuff from Target before. Normally Target is really hard for me, so this time I decided to take some advice from the forums and I took off my glasses so that I couldn't see anything, especially since I am basically blind without them, so I'm really proud of myself for that. Then the date went very nicely, much better than I expected and I enjoyed it a ton, and I thought she did too.

Then I called the Shadchan this morning and she told me that she said no to another one, so now I'm dealing with some disappointment and I'm a bit confused as well. But I talked to my Rebbeim and I am picking myself up, though its hard, there are other people in the world, and this one wasn't meant to be, Hashem runs everything, so I know that everything will be ok. HHM said that often people have trouble after this, but for me, I just want to learn, though its harder right now, I'll be fine by Second Seder hopefully.

Thank you for all the chizzuk, I know its a bit weird that I'm posting this, buts its good to get it out, even on an online forum.

EccentricComposer wrote on 24 May 2023 15:46:

Shidduchim are rough. The pain of rejection  - especially when you had such a great experience, stings. 

Hang in there!

H, my friend the eccentric inspiration! I'm sorry for the pain. I know, it hurts. I'm inspired by your determination to throw yourself into your learning.
One ha'ara though. Why would you think it's weird?! we are your brothers, your friends, we care about you, we want to hear about what's going on. So please keep sharing whatever you feel you'd like to. And keep trucking!

Day 31 (Todays)

Feeling much better now that I talked to my Rebbeim and friends, ready to move on.

Hey, I'm sorry that your shidduchim got off to a rough start. I can totally relate to that.  Although I'm past that stage now, I remember it well. When I first started shidduchim, I went out with about 6 or 7 girls (in a span of about 6 months), all of them NO SHAYCHUS. Either one or two dates and that was it. I was getting really depressed, thinking maybe something's wrong with me.
And then I went out with someone, and it looked very promising. We ended up going out six times, we were very comfortable with each other and I thought, okay this is it. I was seriously ready to propose. And then, after the sixth date, the shadchan calls me and tells me that it's over. I was so shocked, I didn't see it coming at all. We had already dropped the shadchan and we had been speaking directly on the phone, and I had tried calling her to set up the next date (thinking it might be the final one) but no one answered. I didn't think too much about it, but then the shadchan called and dropped the bombshell.  And the worst part was, she couldn't even give me a straight reason. She kept on saying that they wouldn't say why, the girl just didn't feel it, or something meaningless like that. It took me a while to get past that but eventually I kept going out, had one or two more "one and done", and finally met my wife. We got married and, looking back, I can now say there were definitely things about that other girl that would not have been good for me. I know it's easy now to appreciate the Hashgacha, (wasn't so easy before I got married) but I just wanted to let you know that you will be"h see it too. You will get past this and get married, and you will see how Hashem had it planned perfectly for you. 

P.S. That girl ended up marrying my close friend and Chavrusa a week after my wedding, and I went to the wedding with my wife, right after our last Sheva Brachos. Not only that, we both went to live in Eretz Yisroel for a bit after our Chasunah, and we happened to end up on the same flight. At some point, my wife started schmoozing with her, and they became friends. True story!

I had a similar story once, we actually had the next date set up, and then the shadchan called to say its off. That was kind of hard. Maybe one day you will understand why this happened, maybe not. Either way, hopefully you will not need it.

Thank you.

It is always very hard when you have to live in the present not knowing where your life is going exactly. You just have to realize that HaShem is in control of everything and running everything so that it works out perfectly in the end. At the moment, though its hard, you have to accept the feelings and then move onwards, realizing, like both of you said, that it will all work out perfectly in the end, and you'll look back and be glad that it worked out the way it did. But, at the moment you're in the present, and you have to realize that too, and accept it, and be happy with what HaShem has in store, because he knows what's best.

Again, thank you.

Day 33 (I only have digital copy, so I didn't read on Yontiff, but I still am counting it)

Day 55 on my streak since my little trip, I want to point out that I think this is the first time I have gone through Sefirah completely clean since this problem started a decade ago. I've always had problems Bein HaZmanim and would have tripped by the end if it weren't for HHM pushing me along. I have an off-shabbos coming up soon, but I'm planning on making it through that as well.

Thank you everyone!

Day 34, very interesting and true chapter, about even if you get rid of the challenges actively, but there are times when they creep up on you and you still need to be ready and on guard for those. You can't let them knock you down. Never feel complacent, you can always do more work and fight this battle.

EC, between you and Captain, I've been convinced to start reading this book. I Downloaded a copy and will try to start iyh.

Thanks!!

Wow, I feel honored, just keep up, maybe we should make a discussion chat about it, I think that would help keep the messages strong.

EccentricComposer wrote on 29 May 2023 00:37:

Absolutely. Let's go for it. Forum thread? Email? Text?

Grant400 wrote on 29 May 2023 02:02:

I think a forum thread could work the best, then other people could join along for the ride. What do you think?

EccentricComposer wrote on 29 May 2023 13:14:

Agreed. Start it up please!