EccentricComposer wrote on 17 Jul 2023 13:39:

You, my special eccentric friend, have hit the nail on the head. What we do here is not merely about behavioral modification, or just battling lust and addiction, and/or negative patterns. It's about growing together in the foundational aspect of who we are. Yesod is the foundation of who we are as Yidden, as people, as a whole Adam Hashaleim, standing in front of the Rebono Shel Olam, experiencing His Avoda and Chaim. 
Keep growing ! You are building the foundations of the special Bayis you are establishing. 
And we are rooting for you to keep going MiChayil El Choyil!

EccentricComposer wrote on 17 Jul 2023 13:39:

That is some good accountability EC! חזק חזק ונתחזק!!!

My freind, first of all limiting access is always a good idea. And I'm amazed at your growth and progress. keep up the amazing work! And I'll email you now:)

Hatzlacha Rabba everyone, looking forward to seeing everyone on the other side!

On to day 136!

Keep in touch.

Just updating everyone, will spend more time later.

Glad to be on day 136!

Eerie wrote on 15 Aug 2023 21:05:

Well everyone, I'm back from a LONG Bein HaZmanim, b"h, I'm glad that I am an inspiration! And I have some Haaros to share about my journey.

First thing, I made it through with my to main goals, know m, and no looking at inappropriate material at home. I can't say I was a malach for the whole month, I don't think that is even possible, but I am super proud of what I have accomplished.

My main Haara is that I thought with my goals everything would be significantly easier. Its not... Every day I was hit with something else, try this, or try that, and I had to firmly stay still and say NO. It was hard. Sometimes very hard, and I wasn't perfect. But I was much, much, MUCH, better than I have ever been, and I never thought I could really just go through Bein HaZmanim and never get close to anything like I have done before.

Another point. One of the main thing that helped me was the fact that I had such I strict rule about computer use. For me I only really have 2 places at home which are tempting, and the computer is the main one. Once I knocked out the computer, it made the other one easier. I was telling myself "I'm not looking at this stuff at all!" My rules for the computer were so helpful, I had someone watching me, and my accountability partner keeping track of me every time I went on. No funny business allowed. I told him what I was doing, and how long I would be on for, and any extensions. Also, if anyone wasn't actively using it I would surreptitiously lock it so I wasn't tempted.

One thing I felt was that it was a rehash of all the nisyonos I've had over the past couple of years. All the things I've done previously crept up to tempt me again. One day, this thing, another day, this thing. Again, I wasn't perfect and was swayed sometimes, but I had very specific rules I had put in place, and a drive to succeed, that kept me basically going in the right way. Each time I had to consciously talk to myself and tell myself why its not worth it, but I listened. Sometimes I had to just surf the wave. Sometimes I had to go outside and take a walk. Other times I had to think about the future. Other times a paced around yelling at myself "NO". At the end of the day I've gotten farther than I ever have, and I can go into Elul and the Yamim N'Oraim with a confidence that this time it WILL be different, and I can continue with this growth.

Thank you for everyone that kept up with me, it powered me through, every time I felt hard I would send someone an email to let them know that I'm still doing great, I even got in touch with a guy that doesn't post.

​And to everyone that's here new since last time I logged in, I'm EC and ready to get to know you.

Hatzlacha Rabba!

BEAUTIFUL!!!!! 
My friend, you are a winner! Keep up the amazing work, keep growing, and keep sharing with us!

Great to have you back.
Thank you for sharing the details of your successful Avoda with us. It help us all out to know what works for you and how it works for you.
And a peek into your special Neshoma is good - it's refreshing!

Gutten Chodesh and Gut Shabbos!

Just checking in again, b"h everything is fantastic. 

I just have to keep in mind that even though I made it this far, its not the end of the struggle, its the beginning. Keep your eyes out for the Yetzer Hara, he's always lurking around the corner to jump out at you when you least expect it.

My goal, now that I've reached day 141, is to work on Shmiras Eynayim when I'm outside, I think that will help improve my mentality in general. Also, I've tried a bit of the Mindful Awareness recordings and the exercises do help in instances when thoughts pop into my head. I definitely want to work on improving my Machshovos as well, though now that I am in Yeshivah I am not as bombarded with materiel to be tempted by, which helps. But the plowing and planting when its easy reaps tremendous fruit down the line when the going gets tough.

I'll keep everyone posted!

Hatzlacha Rabba!

A Haara:

My large rewards for my streak have been seforim purchases. I think this is a good idea and incentive because it gives you something physical and important to look at and feel your accomplishment. Now whenever I use these seforim I know that its a reward for what I have done, and b'ezras HaShem it can be a z'chus for continual success.

Hatzlacha Rabba!

EccentricComposer wrote on 23 Aug 2023 01:35:

Wow that's actually an amazing idea!

My dear friend, Beautiful Composer, I loved your last few posts. Mamash gevaldig! You are an amazing inspiration to me!

Haven't updated in a while, up do day 148, b"h. I'm so amazed! 

EccentricComposer wrote on 29 Aug 2023 00:58:

At this point im not amazed any more . 
Already a while ago it was obvious that you had it in you .
KUTGW!!
Hatzlacha!!

Isn't it amazing how for years we convince ourselves that its impossible to go one day or week without acting out, and than with Hashems help we can go months and months clean!