Shalom,

When I began to pray to HaShem for freedom to P&M 4 years ago, at first  it was just a cry out from my Neshamah, to my eyes just a vane effort not to be drown. Even so my conviction was clear I wanted to be Kadosh to HaShem. During these years HaShem has let me overcome M for more than 2 years now, 7 months ago I had a step back for a day seeing P still no M, besides my guard weren't the best specially with de social media and "normal" movies, because you actually can see "soft P", for that reason back then I put some barriers to no see Youtube and close them. These days HaShem has let me be better in my own path to a new hight. I just started F2F to reinforce my Shemirat Einaim to look back to undertand how HaShem has been helping me see my life with other perspective, becuase there are still some parts on my path that are unclear for me and a need them to help others however Im greatfull every  day with HS for his mercy. 

4 year ago I read the PDF and dint take the aproach of sing up in the comunity, I wasnt ready I guess, I needed to work on my self esteem first. Baruj HaShem now there is a growing feeling of empathy in me that tells me: You need to learn to share.

So yeah, I'm gonna write a journal for these 42 days, bli neder. I honestly don´t know why but it will maybe help someone.

Tehilim 31:23
Alarmed, I had thought,  
“I am thrust out of Your sight”;  
yet You listened to my plea for mercy  
when I cried out to You.
- www.sefaria.org/Psalms.31.23?lang=bi&p2=Psalms.31.23&ven2=Tanakh:_The_Holy_Scriptures,_published_by_JPS&lang2=bi&w2=all&lang3=en

I Know for sure HS always hears our prayers when they come from our hearts, so don't let time diminish your prays and don't let the fox win.

With kindness AFCF

831003 - Starting with GYE-F2F
Its a strange feeling, HaShem has been helping me on this journey of 4 years, back then it was unclear was going to happened. Now is clear to me the necessity to reenforce my steps to no going back, arrive with clarity to my marriage and help my own generations.
- Baruj HaShem por un día más de vida.

831004 - Set up My Core Values
While ago I just did exactly that not for the purposes of keep my eyes safe, but for finding some pillars as guidance to find some meaning in life. Re visit that process in this framework was helpful recall me what matters to me the most. Now my mind set is ready to reach new heights.
- Baruj HaShem por un día más de vida.

You sound like an amazing person. May Hashem's direction always be clear to you. Keep up the fight, my friend!

831005 - Motivation
I'm also starting the program of Reaching new heights. It's been a while since my last meditation. I Don't know exactly why i stopped because I enjoy very much the experience of it. Above all starting the process of been aware of my Neshama again its a pleasure it was the motivational bust I was looking for to reengage in meditation again. 
- Baruj HaShem por un día más de vida.

831006 - The reasons for change
For me every mitzvah that you try to live  has deeper levels with every step you take, every time you are able to go up a stair or a level you can access them, from this new view you can see you still have work to do, even with all the past victories you have to have the strength for keep ascending to reach the Eternal life. With that in mind my only reason to keep going is to achieve my Sham, my objective, the reason for which HS allowed me descend into this world. 

831007 - Characteristics of Successful Changers
As I said earlier I'm trying to track down past lights , now with HaKadosh Baruchs help and due to His mercy I'm able to overcome easier and faster my addictive thogths. The first step to reach that was to start working on my self steem, now is easier for me to recognize the gifts and tools HaShems has given me to fight against my own YH. Here are some of them (I selected them using the work sheet):

• Persevering
• Thankful
• Prayerful
• Creative
• Anchored
• Reliable
• Mature
• Bright
• Orderly
• Perceptive

With some of them YH used to punish me when I backed off. Now I embrace them for my own good.

831008 - CURE
I'm starting the CURE part of F2F program. Its interestiong start a CURE journal, in teory it could make me look what trigers an urge, in this period of time I dont have too many per week actually per month, in fact my urges weren't too recurrent but in the big picture the patterns were the same. Very often happened when I felt uncapable of doing someting challenging if the first stages procastination and videogames werent enough for fill the need an urge happened, I wouldnt response on it very quickly but with time and the increased of the stress the urge would respond as well.  Right now its hard to me to tell if a "red flag" is an urge, because this time whenever is an internal or external source its easy to me to defuse from my brain, and I can break the electrical impulse easier. So since I know how YH never gives up till bring us down. I'm gonna do it with this red flags or minior urges that occurs me time to time, and not diminish their influece.

831009 - The forum
Reading the forum is beautiful, hopeful and dangerous at the same time

Agreed. This a place for all different people at all different stages in their journey to freedom from P & M. The discussions will be of a nature that for some people reading some things will be triggering or give them ideas of things they have not done or maybe didn't even know about. We should all use discretion when reading, depending on our own experiences and where we are holding right now. We should also keep in mind that some are more recovered than others. There are people here who post and read that are still struggling mightily. There's a vort from the Kedushas Tzion of Bobov, we say in davening "ותצילנו מאדם רעה ומחבר רעה", once we already daven to be saved from bad people, why do we need to add the teffila to be saved from a bad friend, isn't he a bad person? The Bobover Rebbe answered that there are bad people, and then there are people that may not be bad but they bring out the weaker part of my nature, the negative part in me. we daven to be saved from both, the bad people and the people that even if they are ok, but they are not good for ME. Everyone here is looking for help, but not everyone will be a good friend for you or me. We gotta use discretion. hatzlacha on your journey, my friend!

Eerie wrote on 03 Jan 2023 17:16:


The Sefer Tomer Devorah writes a similar concept (by the Middah of Yesod). 

A person must be very careful from speech that brings lustful thoughts, so that he not come to a nocturnal emission. There is no need to say that he [should] not speak a vile thing, but it is fitting to guard even from a pure thing that brings to a lustful thought. And so was the expression of the verse exacting (Ecclesiastes 5:5), "Do not let your mouth make your flesh sin" - it warned that he not allow his mouth speech that brings his holy flesh - the sign of the covenant (circumcision) - to sin, with an accidental emission. And it is written [further], "why should God be angered, etc." - and if it was [speaking] about vile [speech], what is [the meaning of] "to make sin"; behold, it is a sin itself? Rather, even if the speech is not a sin but only a pure thing - if it brings to lustful thought, he should be careful from it. And that is why it stated, "to make your flesh sin, why should [He] be angered" - it means [to say], since it brings to sin, He will be angry about that voice, even though it is permitted. As since an evil act ensued from it, the voice and speech became evil. This much carefulness must there be about the sign of the covenant, to not have lustful thoughts and not be destructive.

831010 - The eyes

Thanks both of you for the enlightenment. In some phases of my life I chosen be with those kind of people whos brings out a weaker me due to my self esteem lack, I have had to take a step back to cut them off and start walking thowards other path. i also used to listen to certain type of music that triggered out some lustful thoughts I had to cut it off them either.

Reaching New Heights (RNH) | Starting the second meditation about eyes, interesting one...  Since 7 months ago I have been perceiving foreign sights trying to look at me. Turns out that would be my YH trying to bring my attention fooling me in order to weaken my Shemirat Einaim.

831011 - Insomnia
Lack of sleep has been a challenge for me throughout many years. I remember some moments when my sleep time got fewer and fewer my mind began to lose the capacity to stand out against my YH impulses. I have been perceiving time getting shorter and shorter, now is a warning alarm to me to be careful but at the same time I have been able to rely on Torah, Tehilim, Hitbodenut, GYE and despite of my lack of clarity due to lack of rest those keep moving whitout stopping them as would happenig in the past. So my fortress is stronger because don't rely on "By the strenght of my hand" but in the knowing that HaShem allowes me bring light instead not because me been a Tzadik but for His infinite mercy

831012 - Finding purpose in life

When you mind is not clear you can't see anything but cliffs so your only goal in life becomes past faster through the hard times and trying fill your void with pointless activities. Work in personal goals it's not easy, im still struggle due to not feel capable enough at least HS has let me see I got some.

831013 - The pressure
P&M was never my first way to go so when the pressure comes, I pass on other addictive behaviours such as insomnia or overthinking or just lost time on some cellphone game or anything but face that presureeeeeeeeeeeeeee. BH that need to run away is less fierceful now days.This week indeed had a lot pressure...

831014 - Addictive thinking
 So there's this book called "Addictive thinking" by Abraham J. Twerski, where is address how we can identify the presence of additive thinking that would ultimately become a step backwards. So for me was necessary built barriers to my thoughs in order to avoid cues. I'm going to write a text literally:

831017 - Nights
After getting some streak in the process to freedom, my nights have become a fight but in the subconscious. When you wake up you feel hopeless, then you start to put some barriers like the Shema and everithing works again, but then routine take over the heart and you slowly end up hopeless in the morning onece again. Nowadays I feel less ashamed and angry about it, and just start over again with my barriers before I go to sleep.