I've been struggling for over 15 years almost got to 150 days clean and the past weak has no been easy. I'm single and terrified to date because I'm not sure to what extent I've effected my body. no matter what I do if feels like I'm white knuckling. encouragement or advice is welcome.

First welcome to the gye family!!
second congratulations on posting your first post,you’ll get amazing responses bhy and much chizuk!
good luck bro! You came to the right place!

Z251415 wrote on 16 Dec 2022 02:44:

Hi, welcome!
150 days is fantastic!

Dating is rough..I myself have been having a rough time with dating.
Reaching out on the forum is a great and commendable.

From my experience, fighting urges straight on made the desire/urge harder to move on from. When urges come up I try to move on from it as soon as possible, i.e busy myself with something/connecting with family or friends/ reach out to fellow gye members. I find that method to work for me.

Also, taking this struggle one day at a time is the gye motto.

i would highly recommend reaching out to a live person if you haven’t already.
Someone that knows your situation and can help guide and give you the proper perspectives for dating and future marriage.

I hope some of these ideas might be helpful for you. 
Wishing you well!
I pmd you

Welcome!

Please check out these great free resources:
ebook- The Battle of the Generation
Audio series- The Fight
They're very good to start with.
See below in my signature for the links.

​Hatzlocha!

Welcome to the family, Z-number-guy! If you are here you're already heading in the right direction. And I stand in awe, a bachur, with 150 awesome days of cleanliness! Here we care about you and we want to see you succeed. Can you tell us more about what you are worried about, are they physical things, emotional things, mental things? Also, maybe you want to post about yourself, your life (without identifying details, of course), your struggles, your successes, etc. Introduce yourself to the family! We want to hear from you so keep posting!

I will second the encouragement to reach to a live person either from GYE such as HHM or elsewhere, whom you can be open with about your struggles etc, to help you be properly prepared for the wonderful life of marriage bezras Hashem that lies ahead of you.

Speaking from personal experience and what I've seen from so many others here that are married. It's very important even after one's totally clean to get the shmooze to help them realize just how wrong the industry of taavah and western culture is in how they have brainwashed everyone towards what intimacy is in a marriage. I didn't grow up frum, but had been almost many years clean before I got married, but only once coming to GYE realized how the negative influences where still with me and had effected my marriage from the start. 

Hatzlacha rabah with everything!