Hi Everyone, 
I am new to GYE. I have struggled for many years with a pornography addiction that then morphed into other forms of online sexual behaviors. I am married with multiple children and with another on the way. I had been able to maintain sobriety for a significant period of time (close to a year) until recently. My wife subsequently found out (again) and she is fed up and wants to leave me. I don't blame her. She see's no hope (neither do I??) and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I have nothing to tell her and no response to give her. This has happened time and again and I have no answers for her and no answers for myself. I have tried in person 12-step groups over and over again and invariably I stop going, stop with my sponsor or discontinue in some way. I have struggled with consistency all my life and this area is no different. I figured I would give this program a shot but it's difficult for me to truly believe that this will result in anything different. I am devastated and in a tremendous amount of pain. Thank you for reading this. If you choose to respond it would be meaningful for me. 

ouch, your story pains me strongly and I sure hope that you'll get out of this very very soon.

from the short introduction you wrote it looks like you can benefit from a social worker / therapist / psychologist, the team here is very helpful and I'd encourage you to reach out to them.

If I can assist you with anything more, pls don't hesitate to let me know.

refrec wrote on 15 Nov 2022 21:38:

Welcome; many of us share the same sentiments.
Sorry to hear what you're goin' through.
There are no easy fixes and it sounds like you already took some difficult steps.
Lookin' forward to celebratin' with you sometime in the future.

Godspeed to you

refrec wrote on 15 Nov 2022 21:38:

In the past you have “let it go” for one reason or another…the sponsors, the meetings, whatever you were doing at the time. Do you understand why you did that? With the stakes so much higher now, can you muster the koach and commitment to save your marriage and family? Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to actually follow through. Are you there yet? Is it really worth the loss? How can we help you? What do you need. We will surely try! ❤️

refrec wrote on 15 Nov 2022 21:38:

P. S. If I sounded harsh in my prior response, it’s only because I know of what I speak. I lost a first marriage over similar shenanigans that I also felt powerless to stop. I don’t know if I could have done better but it was a terrible loss for me and my children. 

Thank you. I appreciate your follow up message. I'm sorry to hear that you lost a marriage over these behaviors. That must have been very painful for you to go through. I have hit many "rock bottoms" and each time I have made substantial changes. However, the follow-through, commitment and consistency once no longer in "rock bottom" is where I have struggled. I have had a tendency to become complacent and let things fall away once I felt like I was in a better space. The changes I made did not become lasting permanent parts of my life (this is only true to some extent because the truth is that I had achieved a very long period of sobriety and BH am living a very functional life when in the past I would not have been able to do so). 

refrec wrote on 16 Nov 2022 02:24:

@refrec, I deeply, deeply hope my words were not in any way hurtful. What you are dealing with is so so tough and when I read your initial post I flew immediately back to my own experience with a similar situation. Alarm bells went off in my head for your well-being. I’m so happy to hear that you are doing better now than in the past in your functionality. If you know me, you know I want to harm no one in any way. My heart is with you, brother, and I will be here to respond helpfully if you want me to. Sending love and hugs your way.

I am not offended by your words. I have been around recovery for a very long time and I understand the lingo, what it means and generally where people are coming from. I definitely roll my eyes when I hear things like "have you hit rock bottom yet" because I don't believe such a thing exists. There are many people who are dead and buried (or divorced...) from addictions who were unable to turn their lives around. I personally can point to many situations in my life which could have been "rock bottoms." Ultimately, there is something more than just willingness/desire that is necessary. Proper guidance, an approach that works, ability to maintain consistency, support, belief/hope etc. I definitely appreciate your support and will gladly accept your hugs and love. I understand why you would react based on your own painful experiences given your history and I appreciate you wanting to protect me from that. 

Amen! Thanks for the support

Thank you for explaining about “rock bottom.” I see that in a different way now thanks to your perspective! Just know my heart aches for your pain and struggles in every way. Maybe the guys here, including me, can help make it a bit easier. You are in my heart. 

I'm so angry for you that you are going through this. You can hear the sincerity in your heart, and I so wish that there was something I or anybody else here could say that would hand you your wellbeing back. I can't speak from personal experience, but after being around here for a while I see that people do somehow claw their way out of the lowest of places.

I hope you'll be one of them.

Stick around, let us know what we can do to be helpful, and hopefully we'll figure something out together.