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TOPIC: At a low point right now... 9497 Views

Re: At a low point right now... 12 Dec 2022 00:48 #389295

geshmak!
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38!! Is amazing!! Keep it up buddy!
Abt giving yourself a good outlet … there are many much better outlets than watching movies… I can give you some examples but if anybody has others please share.
you can go for a jog if you like exercise if you like music and got a lot of energy maybe get yourself a drum set( just ask ur wife first if you know what’s good for you

) but if your more a relaxed guy than get yourself a good puzzle it can real relax you and be a great outlet ( make sure you got something to munch on will your trying to figure out the pieces) good koser books do wonders… and if u davkah like movies guess what I know you can’t compare but there are kosher movies too. I actually love Jewish music videos. But this is just something’s I like to do to chill after long day… but I’m sure you can find stuff that you can do instead of watching that trash… it’s amazing that you were mekabul till chankah but I think you should also work on finding other things to do instead so it won’t be so hard and than after the two weeks are up you’ll be like.. hey I found other cool ways to chill myself out I ain’t going back to the stuff that stuffs my haligah brain with garbage… I ain’t saying it’s gonna be easy but it sure will be easier if you found an alternative. Good luck!!

Guys the only way were really gonna get help is with H’s help so we gotta beg him for help and he sure will help us cause he wants us helped!!
CRY TO HIM!!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/387630-Powerful!#387630

Feel free to pm me!

Last Edit: 12 Dec 2022 00:56 by geshmak!.

Re: At a low point right now... 12 Dec 2022 08:06 #389308

hashemschild.1
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yud909 wrote on 11 Dec 2022 18:09:

Hi All
Just checking in with 38 clean days.
Baruch HaShem
Thank You HaShem

Haven't been posting much as I've been busy, which is a good thing. There is one thing which I'm curious to hear everyone's opinion on.

I don't believe I've mentioned this earlier but I do watch movies, netflix etc. Very often at night for just 30 minutes to an hour to unwind but sometimes like on a long Motzei Shabbos ill watch for several hours. I try to stick to relatively clean stuff but that's obviously not so realistic. I was mekabel yesterday to not watch anything until after Chanukah. Which bezras Hashem I'll be able to stick to without too many issues. My dilemma is going forward after that. On one hand movies are often a trigger, even if not right away but they slowly plant the seed in my little head so they should seemingly be avoided at all costs. On the other hand I find that boredom is a much larger trigger for me and when I'm able to occupy myself with a relatively clean (relative to porn that it is, I'm well aware that a good ben Torah shouldn't watch 92% of what I watch) outlet, it's helpful. As I said, I'm going to try it for the next 2 weeks and then take it from there. I don't think I'm ready to quit them completely yet but maybe just watch less and see how it goes.
Any words of wisdom?

38 days clean is amazing! Your kabala not to watch movies the next 2 weeks is awesome and extreme beneficial for your flight to freedom!
Keep up your good kabulas and keep us updated.

Re: At a low point right now... 12 Dec 2022 13:18 #389313

DeletedUser1274
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Spend these two weeks with a to do list for when you need to wind down when board. Then you'll have a long list to choose from.

Try and find a chavrusa to learn something youve always been interested in learning about. Reach out to partners in Torah to help teach torah to someone else. The more Torah the stronger you'll be.

Jewish novel, gedolim books.

get an accountantability partner to help stay strong these two weeks and stay strong afterwards as well. Until I did it, I knew the shmiros I needed to do but never succeeded in actually sticking to them. They'll help you figure out the gedarim that need to be made and to stick to them

Hatzlacha!

Re: At a low point right now... 12 Dec 2022 17:08 #389320

eerie
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Hi yud909, Wow! Keep it up! Amazing to watch you go higher and higher. And so impressed by your taking it to the next level with stopping the videos. As to your question about which is worse, boredom or videos, I would guess each person is different, but the guys here offered some great ideas for boredom busters. Especially the idea of teaching Torah, you wrote in the past that you could have entered the chinuch arena, so hey, go for it. Learning Torah is powerful, and teaching and inspiring others is unreal. When you'll see the difference you made in someone's life it will impact you greatly.(And, btw, I'm your first talmid:)) keep on trucking, my friend, and keep us posted!

Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com

Re: At a low point right now... 13 Dec 2022 12:09 #389375

Hashem Help Me
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Very probable that after 2 weeks of avoiding movies, you will have the answer to your question. Right now, you have a belief "there is no way i can avoid movies for an extended period amount of time". Being out of that box for two weeks may give you the ability to view it differently "hey, i did fine without it, who needs this stuff?" Along with all the excellent suggestions the chevra gave, you should iyh be good to go. One point which i think is important. Most of today's productions, besides being suggestive and immodest (and v'lo sasuru was not said only about pornography), but also contain blatant and/or subtle kefira/apikorsus, and other liberalism values that are antithecal to a Torah life. We are greatly affected by what we see and lower our guard when "it's just a random show". Hatzlocha with your kabbala and continued success.

Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: At a low point right now... 13 Dec 2022 20:39 #389384

yud909
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Hi All, BH today is day 40.

Thank you all for the responses regarding movies, I will respond in a separate post at later time about my thoughts on that. But now a more pressing issue...

I have been triggered. Had a brief encounter this morning, it was all of 30 seconds but enough to trigger me and I am now having strong urges to act out. On one hand I'm terrified of where this might lead yet on the other hand I'm almost relieved. You see, for the last 40 days or so I have had very weak (if any) urges to act out. Which was great and it's what I davened for daily but it somehow made it seem as if this wasn't a true test of my resolve to not fall again. Now that I actually have an urge (and a pretty strong one) we shall see how strong I really am. Don't get me wrong, I don't want this urge, I would much much prefer to go back to the previous 40 days where I felt like I was a Tzadik and didn't even understand how one can stumble so low... but now that it's here I am going to try and embrace it.

Incidentally, I have been very good about davening to Hashem daily to not let me come to a nisayon, however the last 3 days I have not been good about that and didn't specifically beseech Hashem.... Scary stuff

Re: At a low point right now... 13 Dec 2022 20:59 #389385

davidt
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yud909 wrote on 13 Dec 2022 20:39:

40 days! Amazing! Congratulations and keep it up Tzadik!
In the “Tzetyl Kattan” of the Noam Elimelech it states that we can overcome our bad habits by acting in the complete opposite for 40 consecutive days. So there is something in the number 40.

It seems that Hashem is testing you now to see how you'll react to a nisayon... None of us want urges, but we need to be prepared that they can come up at any time and you're doing the right thing by sharing the urge with us so we can cheer you on!
No, you can NOT do it! (ON YOUR OWN :-) ) Keep on davening to Hashem who is Hakol Yachol and HE will help you stay strong and ride over this wave of temptation.

Keep us posted - we want to hear how you got over it BE"H.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @ ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: At a low point right now... 13 Dec 2022 21:14 #389386

vehkam
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if you have the Battle of the Generation you can try reading chapter 16

vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me. Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.

some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me. This is ok. I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves. If you do realize that you know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: At a low point right now... 13 Dec 2022 23:37 #389394

zedj
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yud909 wrote on 13 Dec 2022 20:39:

40 days! Amazing!
keep it up. Dont let an urge discombobulate you!
If you made it to 40 days...whats stopping you from reaching 41?
Take it one day at a time!
Hatzlocha!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: At a low point right now... 13 Dec 2022 23:37 #389395

eerie Current streak: 847 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1592	I'm so inspired by your honesty and straightforwardness, writing about your hard moment as it's happening. I wonder if I would have the strength. Keep it up my friend! And keep us posted
	Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com

Re: At a low point right now... 15 Dec 2022 00:51 #389441

yud909
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BH TYH I got through yesterday and had a good day 41 today.

I read chapter 17 of BOG so thank you Vehkem for that.

While I feel great now, I am remaining on guard ( I know, obviously always remain on guard... but extra guard now...) for historically speaking my story play out like this:
1. Have a bad day(s)
2. Get a good clean streak going maybe 15 days sometimes as much as 30 or even 40 days.
3. I'm on cruise control and don't have too many urges as the yetzer Hara knows there's no point in tempting me as I'm still so disgusted by my last fall that I won't even think about it.
4. I get triggered and get strong urges.
5. I fight it off, not easy, sometimes slip a little but don't actually fall, and say "phew, my clean streak continues".
6. Within the next 24-48 hours, I fall, and fall bad.

So my goal now is to get to Shabbos and then to Chanuka with whatever it takes to make step# 6 read "And the clean streak continues and I feel great that not only did I get this far on cruise control but even when I had to grab the wheel and steer through a torrential downpour, I made it out unscathed." (Sorry for the corny driving mashal, it just popped into my head while typing)

Thank you all for the continued chizuk

Re: At a low point right now... 18 Dec 2022 21:14 #389611

yud909 Current streak: 24 days OFFLINE Expert Boarder Posts: 91 Karma: 13	All I can say now is ...הודו לה' כי טוב Ready to light Chanuka in a few minutes, 45 days clean, such a great feeling. Thank you all for the support, bezras Hashem we will all have many more clean days together.

Re: At a low point right now... 18 Dec 2022 21:16 #389612

eerie Current streak: 847 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1592	keep inspiring us all!
	Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com

Re: At a low point right now... 18 Dec 2022 21:34 #389614

yud909
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I just saw this vort from R' Meilich Biderman, had to share it with the oilam...

The Divrei Shmuel zt’l writes that Yosef also saw in the stars that he would have a child with eishes Potiphar. Yosef thought that this meant he would eventually sin with eishes Potiphar. (He didn't know that it meant he would marry eishes Potiphar's daughter.) This made Yosef think, "What purpose is there in passing the test if I will anyway end up committing this grave aveirah?"
This is another method the yetzer hara uses to cause people to sin, to lose hope to succeed in passing the test. But then Yosef told himself, "Although I see in the stars that I will have a child with eishes Potiphar, right now, I can fight and overcome the yetzer hara. What will be in the future will be, but now I will pass the test." This attitude saved Yosef from the aveirah, and he ended up marrying Osnas bas Potiphar and bore children in a permitted way.

Re: At a low point right now... 25 Dec 2022 23:54 #390006

yud909
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מה אשיב לה' כל תגמולוהי עלי

Words can't properly express how I feel. To have just lit the 8th night of Chanuka and being 52 days clean (not sure why it say's only 50 next to my name..). I have not had a long clean streak like this in quite a bit of time. But even more so, for some reason I always seemed to fall at some point on Chanuka and went into the hadlaka with a terrible dirty feeling. I davened by the hadlaka tonight for continued strength to overcome all nisyonos that come my way. Iy"h onto 100 days.

Still worried about growing complacent, although posting here and knowing someone out there is reading it definitely helps a lot, so Thank You All! Always looking for more ideas on the not getting too comfortable issue as well as this "post 90 days issue" I see people post about...