I personally tend to push things off until they blow up but I’m learning that avoiding a little discomfort in the the beginning ends up bringing a lot of discomfort and heart ache in the long run. Please stay focused and make sure you’re getting the right help. Im sure there are people that were in worse situations and their problems melted away after they dealt with it properly. Although I never met you I care for you like a friend and want you to lead a happy successful life in all areas!! You got this!! One day you will be proudly standing under your own child’s chupa and remember this bump in life that you hit that’s now far away in distance and you will smile and thank yourself for how courageous you were for dealing with this. 

Also please remember with everyone telling you that there is something wrong with you does not mean you are fundamentally flawed you are still good person. When I was told that I had a problem of my own and needed therapy it was told very bluntly to me. I thought I was fundamentally flawed and had a nervous breakdown because of that. Which caused me a lot more problems then the original problem which I’m still dealing with the effects of my breakdown 10 years later. The reason people are giving you chizuk is to remind you that there is one area we’re it’s important for you to work on but don’t let this overwhelm you and take you down. It’s not the end of the world and don’t let people catastrophize what will happen but also don’t take them lightly (a bit contradictory). You opened up with your problem and your in the right place we’re people care and you will move on with Hashems help. You are not the first person to have this problem. Opening up to your therapist may be challenging but remember that some of their other clients have told them much more embarrassing things felt much lighter after and they lived to tell the tale.

Much hatzlocha,

P.s. I like taking long walks also. Maybe we can go on a walk and I’ll teach you how to approach women without getting yourself in trouble and still getting what you want. (Just a joke I don’t do that stuff even tough I want to) but on a serious note make sure you stay hydrated when you’re on your walks and that you have good walking shoes.

Maybe subconsciously you want to get caught?

Keep us updated, going to hear good news.

If explaining it to your therapist is too hard, and I can understand that, maybe get on the phone with someone here, like HHM, anonymously. Easier because they don't know you, have not met you etc.