Wow that’s unbelievable. Your a huge inspiration for us all and I hope your doing well and being strong. You may be unaware but these “personal private wins” are actually huge wins that inspire and lift up others!! Keep on rocking!

Ty for the support chevreh 

I am actually having a really hard day today

had a (thankfully now ex-) customer going around being motzi shem ra on me based on her daughter’s delusional accusations where she claims I told her I will steal something from her. 

this person then went around telling other people they know work with me that I’m a a liar and thief. 

then wife got mad at me that I didn’t prepare lunch for the cleaning help as I was prepping for meeting this crazy lady (3 min before the meeting)

 now I’m getting the cold shoulder and words like “I’m sorry you are too busy to help me” thrown at me

i think she may be pregnant BH because my wife is usually not crazy-acting

just trying to hold my tongue and ride it out 

Feeling blarbifnndndjxhdbdbrbrbxjbxbsallaf

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 09 Feb 2023 18:04:

Stay strong brother! Let’s do this together!
TOGETHER IS BETTER!!

Talked it out with wife, went on a date, and did an action that I think closed the chapter of the public insult. 

what a crazy day

TYH that I’m at the point where I’m not going to use drugs or sex to escape

also helps that I’ve been going to a chiropractor so my back and neck don’t constantly hurt  

much better than a “massage”

blarbifnndndjxhdbdbrbrbxjbxbsallafI'd be surprised if more than 2 peopleunderstood the spoiler, but, it's a good reference.

Keep inspiring buddy. Your very honest and human posts get the message across that even regular normal guys (which we all are but sometimes pretend not to be), can do this. One can b'ezras Hashem graduate from these behaviors and learn to self-regulate using kosher means. 

Thank you, HHM, you played a big part in helping me learn to cope with difficult emotions without escaping them

I have found that if I face my challenges, instead of running away from them, the short term pain is greater, but the long-term pain is much much less.

Great news! 

spent Shabbat by my parents, had lots of situations to get angry (had to pray Mincha in the house, then father took my 3 year old to Shul and I had to leave right after Kabbalah Shabbat, some silly things people were saying by the table, little sister interviewing me about my life, wife wanted a long walk and I’m still recovering from ankle injury, etc.  etc. ) took it all in stride and even saved my sister’s rep when a parent accused her of drinking after finding a mixed drink i prepared on the side before Shabbat and forgot about…

Learned, played with kids, honored parents and grandparents, stayed chill when we left 2.5 hours later than I wanted to…

this past week I learned to truly be mevater and to let go of my anger and pride. 

it was such a pleasant Shabbat and j really really enjoyed just being with family (and also about 25 randoms throughout Shabbat which would have annoyed the former me) 

recognizing this win, so that gives me strength in the future

My 4 year old tripped on the landing going up the stairs, cried for a second, then got up and continued determinedly to do what I gently asked him to do (dispose of the empty yogurt container he had from breakfast and put spoon in sink) 

I got a lot of chizuk from seeing that

Hashem gently tells us what to do via the Torah (even more than gently, it gives pleasure to study!) and when we fall we should acknowledge that we fell, confirm that we are actually ok, then get up and continue to complete our missions and tasks determinedly. 

kol hakavod, son of ILH!

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 12 Feb 2023 13:43:

Great post! Kids are a whole lot more resilient than we are. We have a lot to learn from them. Thanks for sharing. I got chizuk too.

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 12 Feb 2023 13:43:

Great Point! I heard something similar from RavGav: "If Hashem didn't grant kids terrible memories, we never would have learned to walk."

Lots to write but not much time….

went out for two days and a night with my wife for the first time in our marriage. 

I wanted sex at the hotel

she did too but then didn’t feel well at night

i held back (again and again and again)

she slept like a baby and I didn’t touch 

mutual respect and love for each other increased as a result

stay tuned for more

Wow, how did you do it ?

doingtshuva wrote on 17 Feb 2023 15:45:

I reminded myself that we went on a trip to enjoy each other’s company, not for me to be a taker. What she needed was space and a nice looooooong sleep with no kids to wake us up or to take care of for one night. 

if I really love her then I need to give to her not take from her. 

to be perfectly honest, it was a very cozy bed and I also had a great night’s sleep

Don’t really have a lot of time right now, but just wanted to document a few interesting things that happened in the past week before I forget

I went back to school for art and design to specialize even further in my craft.

homework after the first class was to draw a self portrait, using only circles, squares and triangles

I drew 2 versions.

One was just my face made up of mostly circles with rectangular eyelashes.

The second was one that I drew was of my son who very very much, resembles me and has a similar personality to me.

Lots of squares for the head, and the clothing, and a moderate amount of triangles on the clothing, and the hair was made of a mix of triangles, circles, and squares.

Apparently, this was a psychological test. according to G-d knows who, whoever had the most circles in comparison to the other shapes as a very strong aspects of kindness, whoever has a lot of squares is very ambitious, and whoever used a lot of triangles is very sexual.

there is a female member of the small class who is very flirtatious, and flipped her hair at me, and said oh, you do not want to see what I drew! I actually saw when I walked in, it was basically a mosaic of triangles.

I am the only religious Jew in the class.

I made no comment, and made sure to sit at a separate table from the others. 

Last time I was in school in the city, I would do drugs before and after and visit unsavory places as well. I really taking opportunity to fully repent on my actions will be shining example of what I have the potential to be.