i plan on being clean for the rest of my life

if you count
120 years - 23 years i am now = calculator anyone?

Ybird wrote on 03 Feb 2023 17:25:

I also have these amazing aspirations, but my calculator doesn’t 

Lol! 

well you can continue to focus on winning one segment of time at a time

 E. + 7 no Facebook scrolling

 1 year 14 days

Ybird wrote on 03 Feb 2023 17:25:

+35,405
 Kol hakavod

Random yeshiva bachur +7 days Shmirat ha Lashon


 1 year 21 days

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 05 Feb 2023 00:09:

Wow wow מי כעמך ישראל!!!!!

I'm sure there is a few hundreds battillions of מלאכים standing up there and scrolling this thread, showing to השם what wonderful natnation he has!!!!!

I'm wondering why this thread only has a couple of thousands of views and not seven hundred and fifty six trillion, eight hundred seventy two billion, two hundred forty five million, nine hundred and twelve thousand, four hundred ninty six views 

BTW I had a personal breakthrough over Shabbat. 

A dear friend of mine who is also dealing with big challenges in certain areas of his life came over for shabbat. I insisted that he stay in the guest room because the weather was horrible - close to 0 degrees Fahrenheit and powerful blustery winds (ruach kadim... interesting that it was during parashat beshalach when Hashem sent powerful winds before splitting the sea)

Friday night we stayed up talking for maybe 4 or 5 hours about how to forgive and overcome the hakpada I was bearing towards the person who hurt me very deeply by insulting me in a public forum. 

I encouraged them to discuss the topic with me, and concluded that I'd have to try to let the conversation sink in. The message they were sending me was that the man had tremendous pressure on him, and seemingly is in the midst of a nervous breakdown. The day after he publicly hurt me, the government shut down the project he had been investing his entire life into. His newborn granddaughter is very, very sick. 

I didn't want my pain and my grudge to be the cause of someone else's pain and sufferings - I didn't want a newborn to be at risk of not living long enough to even crawl. But I was still murdered by this man, and I just couldn't let it go. I couldn't forgive. 

Until my wife handed be a book by rav Aharon Margalit titled "The Impact of As Long As I Live #2." She told me to read the first chapter, which was a description of a very similar situation to my own. Someone who was on the receiving end of the generosity of the director of a chessed organization publicly embarrassed the giver in a horrible way. 

Just like me, the man wanted to die. He couldn't pray. He couldn't bring himself to continue his activism. The man, like me, was destroyed on the inside. 

The story is much longer than I can share here, but ultimately the insulted party was in a public discussion with rav Margalit, and the rav asked him "why are you choosing to be insulted?"

The insulted man and I were both surprised and taken for a spin by this question. 

Why am I choosing to be insulted? 

Is it really a choice? 

I finished the story till the end and sat silently, musing upon this thought. I stayed up for another 20-30 minutes and found it within me the courage and strength to make the choice. 

I chose to forgive. I chose to not be insulted. I chose to feel empathy toward the sick and broken man who vomited his pain upon me. 

I recognized that he was in so much pain that he let it loose on someone who had given him so much - maybe out of a subconscious desperation did he turn to me to unburden himself. 

What he did was wrong. It was painful. But it was not malicious, and it was not done in order to hurt me. 

I forgave him. 

I forgive him. 

I am still in a lot of pain, but now I have the medicine of forgiveness, and combined in my newfound empathy and faith, Hashem should help me move on from this pain with time. 

It still really hurts, but now it is a pain that will subside. 

I am not longer hurting myself by choosing to be insulted. 

A weight has been lifted, and I think it will take a lot of time for the pain to subside. I will always remember and it will always hurt, but the hurt will be less and hopefully the sharp edges will dull over time. 

I am very grateful to my Creator for giving me the superhuman - maybe I can even venture to dare say G-dly strength that it took (and continues to take) in order to be able to move on. 

Thank you for reading. It is very helpful for me to be able to share my thoughts with other - I don't know most of you, but I know that you care. 

I love you all. 

Have a great night.

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 05 Feb 2023 00:09:

frank.lee + 2 weeks no porn + praying with a minyan 3x a day

1 year 5 weeks

keep ‘em coming! 

I want to add that I noticed something very interesting. 

Many people, when I speak to them, know exactly what it is they’re struggling with, and within half an hour are able to commit to improving in a certain area of their observance. Other people tell me “let me think about it,” and when I call them the next day they still need time to think about it, and they are still “thinking about it” probably for the rest of their lives. this is regardless of a person’s level of observance. I have seen both attitudes - on the “very very frum/religious” side, as well as on the “barely having anything to do with religion” side. 

There is a certain character trait, one that I looked for in a spouse actually, that is called “growth oriented.“

It is so amazing to see people who have the guts to be honest with themselves, and admit that there is room for improvement, and they know what needs to be improved, and they take upon them selves to work in that area. Yet others, regardless of how they project on the outside, are living in a rut. 

It was fascinating to see.

May we all be counted among those who desire to always grow!

Old friend from college whose connection to Judaism is that he was born a Yid:

+ 1 week no P&M (that’s just the start!)

1 year 6 weeks

Aug 11, 2022 — My Personal Journey Escaping Porn Addiction: Eli Nash | THAT'S AN ISSUE podcast - Episode 11

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 05 Feb 2023 21:18:

A.B + 2 weeks 30 min a day of no talking bet midrash (Kollel guy)

J.A one more week no smartphone 

bt2001 + 2 weeks recommitted

1 year 11 weeks 

Went back to continued education in my area of expertise - 2 or 3 month course in Manhattan once a week from 6-8:30:9ish

was pretty nervous going in

last time I was at this place I would smoke a joint before and after, went to massage parlors, let my eyes wander in the park, was not in control

I have a chance to do full Teshuva like in Rambam Hilchhot Teshuva 

nervous but hopeful 

I can do it BH

I will do it Beezrat myself too! 

Interesting idea I heard in a recorded Shiur from rabbi schabes (I think he quotes a rabbi Weiss) 

when it comes to yichud (being alone with a woman) - According to Shulchan aruch and sefaradim, two men cannot be alone with a woman (minimum 3). The רמא is lenient and allows two men to be in yichud with a woman. 

the reason is because shulchan aruch holds people to be בחזקת פרוצים  in this area (I.e. liable to break down boundaries of modesty), while רמא holds that not. 

in modern day Halacha, by the ashkenazim apparently one who watches movies / has an unfiltered smartphone loses the leniency of the רמא and is not trusted to be in yichud with a woman even if there is another man there

when we guard ourselves it literally changes our status as trustworthy human beings!

by the way, there is a family who buys their products exclusively from me because they know that I will never come and do a home visit if the husband is not home, and the wife once told me that she doesn’t like to stand outside in the cold- it was understood that yichud is not even a question (and she is not so frum). When a person is more loyal to his religion, people trust him more. 

I was once working in a shop where I purchased some thing from someone, and paid him a very high dollar amount for what he was selling. He turned to leave without counting the money. I told him “sir, please count the money!” And he responded “ you are a religious Jew, and I trust you.” I think he should have counted anyway but the lesson here is clear. 

It makes such a difference!


My great grandfather used to be a manufacturer of fine gowns for noblewomen in the Middle East. when he finished creating a product, he would go to the house to deliver it. If the man of the house was  not home, he would not even drop it off – he would turn around and come back later. 

such were the ways of our ancestors, and these are things that we can also do.

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 09 Feb 2023 13:34:

wow