Feel like I’m slipping guys

 we have a hole in the ceiling between guest room shower and boiler room. Sister in law is visiting and i came so very close to stumbling and sneaking a video… I was standing on top of the boiler when shower turned off. Hashem really protected me but I feel like I’m losing control. This is also the first time in my marriage I’m experiencing niddah without being addicted to something. It’s like I’m learning how to navigate this part of the relationship for  the first time without being high, lusting, or infatuated…. 

Blarbghghnvdbsbsjxhdbsisbsb!!!!!!

Plug the hole buddy.....

Hashem Help Me wrote on 13 Jan 2023 11:52:

All plugged

 thanks

Hashem Help Me wrote on 13 Jan 2023 11:52:

I hit myself when I read this post, cos "why didn't I think of this simple solution"????

​Sometimes the solution is so simple and yet we come up with a million ideas besides the most simple one.......

I struggled for years with trying to bypass my filter, until HHM simply suggested that I install webchaver, which turned out to be a huge help, and it basically bought a complete stop to that sort of inappropriate browsing. Why did I never think of that?????????

excellence wrote on 14 Jan 2023 19:55:

Funny you mention this because I purchased a subscription to one of these services but never set it up…

also another sister in law settled herself in my couch today and made herself very… At home… 

 eyes wandered. 

advice to self:
- no alcohol during Shabbat day 
- get more sleep
- remind self that people are people, not objects

 Any advice from the GYE chèvre on how to humanize objectified people? I find that I have a harder time humanizing people who make it their mission in life to be loserish for lack of a better word. I find that if a person has very little self  respect I too have a hard time respecting them. 

Also how do you guys deals with browsing for questionable items in shopping sites that pass thru filter.

Totally relate to the issue.

I'm trying to be selective as to where and if I shop online for things. There's certain shopping sites it's extremely hard to be on with clean eyes. I made big mistake last week trying to find great deal on kippahs. I found a deal somewhere. But wasn't worth what I encountered. Trying to avoid sites I don't know about if they're safe. If I can find it in the store, I will be. 

Even after you make it out alive, but then you start getting emails with new suggestions and sending back to site... . Try and unsubscribe and delete the email but i know it's hard to be consistent wiwith doing that.

it's possible by the way at least on Gmail to set up that it blocks images unless you click that you want the images visible from that sender
I Need to stick to it better, but when necessary to be on let's say Amazon I'll block images. Once i find item I unblock and then block again.
Even when searching something like men's white shirts, I've ran into trouble.

also another sister in law settled herself in my couch today and made herself very… At home… eyes wandered.advice to self:- no alcohol during Shabbat day- get more sleep- remind self that people are people, not objects Any advice from the GYE chèvre on how to humanize objectified people? I find that I have a harder time humanizing people who make it their mission in life to be loserish for lack of a better word. I find that if a person has very little self respect I too have a hard time respecting them.

Its hard with family, but is there any way to avoid people not tzanuah hanging around the house? To minimize it? Make clear they need to act in certain degree of common decency? 

Minimizing the nisyonos and temptations get help

Unfortunately some visits cannot be avoided. Not necessarily overtly immodest, but more like a robe that ends up being tight on the curves when the person is not a stick. 

also, wife thinks i am avoiding her what to do? We had a catastrophic night and Sunday where I did not recognize an anxiety attack and told her if you don’t want to go, we don’t have to go. My life has been a disaster since then.

I feel very sad and lost and confused.

She said she feels rejected since the sunday night catastrophe

And she wanted to talk with me Friday night. And so I went to our room v early and I fell asleep while waiting for her (probably bc I was up till 2:30 am subconsciously avoiding her while doing house projects). 

And after finally admitting she feels like I've been avoiding her and i apologized for falling asleep before she came to our room yesterday and i would love to chat and communicate tonight I'm sitting here in the dining room and she just walks away... Huh??

going to try to talk again now but I am nervous to say the wrong thing is she is so hurt when I have a hard time getting the words out and asks me why am I scared of her, nobody has ever been scared of her. 

this really really sucks 

:’(

Had a nice chat

 feel slightly less like a pile of garbage

 lesson here - if you argue with your side do your best to discuss, resolve, and move on within 24 hrs

iLoveHashem247 wrote on 15 Jan 2023 03:56:

Hi my friend, I feel for you that you were sad and feeling bad, and I'm happy to see that you are BH moving upward. Keep up the fight my friend, you are a hero that you keep trying to the best you can with so many tests. May Hashem give you peace of mind, and share more good news with us soon.

Totally understand with not always possible to avoid someone coming over. Just mentioning in case it was. 


if wife is nidda still, it's especially delicate making sure she still.feels loved and cherished along with being careful with the halachos. My wife had that issue that she always felt I wasn't as warm or interested. Open communication and clarifying some of the halachos with a Rav was helpful. When done right it can be a great part of the marriage. Now that bH you're cleaner than ever before, it's the chance to do it right. 

Just wondering if that's part ofmher feeling not cared about and avoided 

Hatzlacha 

To help stop objectifying people, I've seen here the idea to daven for them. Ask Hashem to bless them...

@iLoveHashem247, How are things going for you? pls keep us in the loop. You mean so much to us here.

Which of bilaam blessings?

Hi guys

thanks for all the support. Nothing like GYE! 

so we spoke a long conversation and several short ones. Made an effort to change my attitude around, and with the help of HHM even more so with the help of the big H, I was able to change my attitude and effectively show her that I care and cherish her. 

Took a lot of swallowing of the ego, and acting (is an actually acting like an actor) excited to do things such as hang out an engagement party that was not quite my cup of tea for six or seven hours, and not show my wife and I was bored and annoyed. 

Told her I’ve been slipping and she told me that if I need to talk, I shouldn’t struggle alone I can reach out and she can hear me out. I have to get used to having her on my team on the side of the picture, I sometimes forget that I’m not hiding this part of my life anymore. she has been encouraging me to get up in the morning (and also to go to sleep earlier).

In fact, I should go to sleep right now, so that I wake up on time in the morning

Good night guys, and thank you for all you for your encouragement. You cannot imagine how much it helps. It’s funny, I gave up social media before I got married. My wife and I both deleted WhatsApp a week before the wedding. My personal cell phone has not been the smart phone for almost 5 years. and now I have finally found the only “social” website that is actually good for the neshama