Hi,

I'm not really sure how to introduce myself, where do I start? Is there some questionnaire that I can answer?

Thanks!

welcome. no questionaire is needed to post in the forums. you can read some of the threads to get a sense of what gets posted here. when you are comfortable you can post a little about yourself and people will chime in with support, comments, advice etc.. as requested.

For me it all started at around the age of 10. I didn't have a father so when the "cool", young, single teacher at school took and interest in me I felt chosen. It started of with touching and over the years to watching pron, looking at magazines and imitating thinks we saw. Usually when I read about sexual abuse, the victims describe how awful it was, how painful, shameful. But not for me, I felt so lucky, I felt I guess how a wife feels being able to satisfy her husband. I don't know if that is why I'm always horny. I don't know if that is why I turn to porn when I'm feeling down.

So sorry for the difficult and confusing times you have had.

of course all of that had a tremendous impact on you. If you are comfortable answering these questions - what is your age range now? have you ever gone for therapy and opened up about this? (don't post anything that you are uncomfortable sharing)

The most important thing for you to know (especially if you have not previously addressed any of this) is that you should not feel any guilt or shame for your experiences. Even if you enjoyed every moment of it.

Many people turn to porn as an escape. It feels so good and numbs any other pain... unfortunately, that pleasure and numbness does not last and often it leads to even further depression etc...

You can learn to stop using porn that way if you are motivated to do so....

best regards and looking forward to seeing you post often.

I'm in my forties.
When I was in my twenties it came out that that teacher was abusing many kids so I was sent to therapy, I think I was sent to make sure I wont turn out to be like him and not so much to help me.
To be honest, I don't think this site can help me, Words like Hashem loves you, or you have this nisoyon because you have a special neshama don't effect me. I read the book many people here are recommending, well most of it, because I couldn't finish it. I felt like the main idea was to make sure the reader doesn't feel guilty and give up. I don't feel guilty about my childhood, I do wish it never happened. I do feel depressed about porn, about wasting my time with it. I don't like that I'm always feeling horny and can't seem to satisfy that need.

There are definitely people on the site with similar stories and there are people here who can help. Ultimately it is you who will decide what works for you.

I went to therapy because I wanted someone objective and has training to help sort out my feelings and emotions. I feel that this therapy has helped me to become true to myself and have much better clarity about who I am and what I want. This is very different than doing therapy as a child (which is also important)

so far I haven't masturbated for over a month, (I'm still struggling with guarding my eyes and feeling all the time aroused).
the way that i've been able to stop masturbating is fighting pleasure with pleasure. for example someone that is overweight. he keeps on being told how it's not good for his health etc... but it still doesn't motivate him to lose weight. however, if he thinks now that he is heavy he eats but then doesn't feel good, feels guilty, what if he loses they weight, then he can eat and actually enjoy it. i was at a stage that i was masturbating so much that when i would have relationship with my wife, my ever was so weak that i couldn't get it hard. BH since i stopped, i'm back to my usual strength and i can enjoy it again. i don't know if this is the correct approach, i'm no expert, just willing to try anything to stop.

Take things day by day, hour by hour.

No matter how you feel, stop for a minute and use your mind to think what the correct course of action is.

i just came back to gye after a long time and the main push was the marital problem you just described.
its comforting knowing im not the only one and we are in it together