Hi all,
I come from a modern orthodox background, but at times I've strayed far from the derech. I found this site many years ago, but I resisted getting involved thinking I could beat the problem on my own. I abused drugs and alcohol when I was younger, but I've been able to deal with those issues on my own. However this problem is deeply entrenched in me, and I'm ready to put this fight at the forefront of my efforts.

It's depressing to think about about long I've been using porn. I  started looking back when you needed use a phone line to get on the internet. More than 20 years and the escalation has been crazy.

Despite the fact that I've failed at beating this thing an insane amount of times, I'm honestly still optimistic I can beat it. A lot of the resources I've found on here, are giving me a lot of hope, like the flight to freedom and Rabbi Shafier's website. I've never really opened up about this before, and I'm hoping the fact that I am now is a real signal to myself that something is going to change.

I'm hoping to go on a good run starting with the holiday, and counting the omer if I can stay strong through all of that, it will be almost 90 days.

May Hashem help us all, and not let us stray too far from him.

Beautiful Real Post! Check out the book called “the battle of the generation”!! It has helped so many people! There’s a username “Vehkam” on this site. The book had helped him despite how deep he was in the journey! Additionally, check out the links in my signature below. There’s a lot of insight in the last link especially..  Keep on posting!  

When I started here I did not really believe I could be successful.  I didn’t even remember what it felt like to be clean.  I don’t have enough time to summarize everything that I did that worked but I will try  to put a few things into writing.  

first thing was getting on the phone with Menachem and then someone from relief and verbally describing and acknowledging my problem. 

next was committing to post here every day to keep me connected.

Next was buying the book the battle of the generation and reading a chapter every night.  I do this religiously and I’m very careful not to miss. (Hopefully even tonight after the Seder)

my method was twofold.  While I really stopped cold turkey from any forbidden behaviors, I also tried to slowly make small positive changes on a regular basis and not to be complacent or satisfied with just not acting out. (I refer to this as playing offense instead of just defense. )  

through lots of very small changes throughout the day (davening, bentshing, learning etc…) I became much more mindful of my relationship with hashem.  I looked for ways to focus and remind myself how much hashem loves me and has faith in mind.  

I had tremendous siyaata dshmaya - the amount that I changed in the last six months cannot be explained bderech hateva.   

my battle is far from over - I need to be vigilant. However the decades of relying on forbidden behavior to be my stress relief are finally not something I view as part of me.  

I had a few items that I had saved which were reminders of all the forbidden stuff I was into.  Today I davened extra hard by רצה that hashem should accept my korbon. After davening I took the stuff to the dumpster, I said a kapittel Tehillim with tears and I tossed the items in.   

there is more to write but I’m out of time.  I wish you success on this personal yetzias mitzrayim.  Please feel free to message me anytime.  

Welcome to the forum! Opening up for me was what got my journey here started and it's definitely needed. Like Vekham said, it's good to post here more often about yourself and your daily struggles as they come. I can't exactly say describe the benefit it has other than it just feeling good to not hold this within anymore and to be able to get help from others.