I just joined a couple of days ago, and seeing what the norm here is to post an opening story this is mine.
I grew up in a solid loving home were the concept of anything, even far off, sex related was really taboo. At age 14, out of curiosity I got my hands on a hot ladies magazine and there everything went a south. It was a downwards trend that included listening to girls on the radio sing, flipping threw magazines etc.. This went on till I went to learn in Israel, and there I upgraded in a sense to movies. I became obsessed with them but validated it with my longing have a super close girl to be able to relate to. I had a passion for them. Bh I got married to a wonderful ehrliche meidal and like all teens in my circles thought, marriage will fix my masturbation issues. It was SO WRONG. So here I am trying to work on that and the trigger to it, my shmiras eniem. I feel that this preconception out there that ‘marriage fixes taharah issues’ is dead on wrong. 

Welcome and thank you for sharing your background! I will tell you that many of us relate to what you're experiencing. My rebbi once told me that marriage doesn't solve any problems. Fakert. You now get yours plus hers together.
In any case, you can do it and we're here for you! Personally speaking, this site has saved my life. I went from being unable to stop masturbating for years to, בלי עין הרע, nearly half a year clean, and I am certain that without this community I could not have done it.
Have a great Shabbos!

First off, welcome to the GYE family! It’s great to have you on board with us. 

You're right about how getting a wife will not fix such issues. I personally can't offer anything on the topic of marriage as it relates to this struggle but I can say (after reading many posts from those who are married here on GYE) it may not be the best thing to go ahead and let your wife know about these struggles if she doesn't know already. But you do need a partner/mentor in this struggle because this journey is going to have a few obstacles and you’re going to need someone to give you support and accountability along the way. This can be someone you know in person, or you can look into the GYE partner program here: Guard Your Eyes to get a partner and/or mentor from GYE anonymously. 

In other regards, I recommend that you get webchaver (covenanteyes for jews) for your devices if you haven't already but specifically through the KBA system. The link to get this is in my signature below and it's actually free if you get it through that program. It'll hold you accountable because if they detect any explicit material being watched on those devices, you will be charged a certain amount of money that you agree to at the outset. All this is anonymous but you can also add people to who these reports are sent to for further discouragement and so that they can give you support if you experienced any setbacks. Look into the program on the venishmartem website for further details. 

You can also use it as a filter system but for that you'll have to pay $2.00 a month but this is optional, you can simply use webchaver for free through the KBA system without the filters and you wouldn't have to pay anything. I do recommend getting some sort of filter if you haven't already and I have some free ones listed in my signature below that you can use if they work on the devices you have. There's also Google Family Link which I haven't listed in my signature yet. You can let me know below what type of devices you have access to and if the filters in my signature will work with those devices if you want. Venishmartem.com also has a selection of good filters. 

Just as a heads up though, most of the filters that I listed in my signature and Google Family Safety do require someone appropriate to be set as a family organizer over your devices (except for webchaver). So you really do need someone who you trust to speak about these issues and to get support from them although you don't necessarily have to do this, it's a halachic obligation to filter your internet so you can tell whoever you think is most appropriate to set as a family organizer that you are just following halacha. And you should also have your family organizer to set your filter settings to "allowed websites only" which means you can only visit those websites. This may seem a little restrictive but if you monitor your history you'll see what websites you use on a daily basis so you can add those at the outset and whatever other websites you anticipate you might need. I also have a list of over 100 websites that you may need that range from secular websites like fedex to religious websites and I'm more than happy to drop them below for you to use.

Regarding the filtering options, thank you but I have a pretty strong gentech filter that I’m happy with. It does a great job!

Anyone out here ever got a trigger or urge plain from reading on this site of others struggling?

Wannabebetter1 wrote on 06 Mar 2022 02:15:

Brother, before you get the 10 day clean Gold Medal, anything and everything can be a trigger. Make sense?

Yups!
10 days here we come…!!!

Wannabebetter1 wrote on 06 Mar 2022 02:15:

Very common. Tread with caution.

Welcome dear WBB1,

I owe everything to GYE, as I too, thought that marriage would solve my problems. Oy, how wrong I was! How I wish someone would have taught me that (i.e., without self control in the bedroom, you are still a slave to taavah) years earlier! But for whatever reason, HKB"H decided to allow me to struggle - and to not meet HHM - until I had suffered plenty.

Stay on bro, you will see inner strength that you had no idea existed.

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Welcome brother! I hope this new journey of yours is successful!

As you may have realized GYE isn't a magic pill, count 90 days, post and then the problem is gone. There are many different strategies and aspects of the fight, there's a lot of info available here and it's a process of learning and growing. The Chevra here is great to lean on for Chizuk when you're struggling and giving advice when you need it.

Hatzlocha! 

Welcome!
As Rabbi Twerski famously said:
It is important to know that the addiction is under control before considering marriage. Marriage is not a hospital and does not cure addiction, and continuation of the addiction is likely to ruin a marriage.

We all hope that you'll get great inspiration and support that you need here on GYE. 
I'll give you some basic and common tips that has been discussed and successfully tried by many people here:

• RESPONSIBILITY! - We all have our own back stories, we all have seemingly legitimate excuses and we all have rationalizations. Taking responsibility means that NO MATTER WHAT, - The buck stops by me!!
• CONNECT with someone. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety - it's CONNECTION. Addiction thrives on isolation! Find someone that you can share your pain and struggles with. And finally, have someone who can cheer you on and celebrate your both big and small wins with you!
• Plan Ahead - Be proactive. As they say, "If you fail to plan - you plan to fail". The yetzer horah rarely tries to fight us when were doing well, he looks for opportunities when we're down and out or caught off guard. When we are tired, moody or stressed....

• Take the journey one day at a time. You might have times of sheer elation, times of utter frustration and times of vulnerability when you’ll think that all your success might evaporate. Buckle up and get ready for the journey of a lifetime!

Check out the new 90 day self-talk challenge that can help you tremendously.
guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain-Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Was almost gonna fall b4 but overcame the struggle (yay for me) and needed to rip myself away from my device!

That's gr8! Keep on fighting!

Markz wrote on 06 Mar 2022 02:27:


Wannabebetter1 wrote on 06 Mar 2022 02:30:


Hi brother, it’s 3 months later.
You got the gold medal yet? I don’t see it yet on your clean day count.